Freaking out - going to psych pa

[Muttly]

i agreed to go see a psych physican assistant. I hve actually met him once and he seems nice but we weren’t talking about psych issues.

Intellectually I know I might need a med change. Intellectually I know something for anxiety might help and I need someone to write a leave note because a leave is probably needed

But... now I believe I’m just a whiner. Maybe. Or he will think so. Or that In just med seeking. If he tells me nothing is wrong wirh me I am going to get so flipping suicidal. Which probably proves I am a drama king

And it took me probably a year to open up much at all to my therapist. This person is a stranger. And he’s a doctor (basically). I don’t trust doctors. I don’t trust medical psych people.

I want to cancel so badly l

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Please do not cancel this appointment because you are so important and need to do this for your well being.:hug:

 

[Recovery4Me]

With acknowledgement of your fear, that is what makes this step courageous as well as essential. Perhaps consider to see this appointment in smaller segments and do it in task orientation. Example...shower, keys, journey there, waiting in the waiting room, walking through the door into his/her office, sitting there and answering the questions that the professional ask.

I have needed to break it down on a list on my smart phone and have checked off each step which allows an dopamine hit and this method has assisted with success. Breath work, list and a small comfort item in the car or your knapsack may make this task seem bite size.

Walking with you in this journey to move forward.:tup:

 

[Friday]

1A. You already know something is wrong. As evidenced by a) PTSD diagnosis & b) you're already on medications. It's not about there being nothing wrong. It's about finding the right medications and doses to help with what you already know is wrong.

- So if he tells you nothing is wrong? He's a moron. Which would be disappointing because it means effort wasted in dealing with and idiot, and more effort in finding someone who is not an idiot. Try not to future trip on this one, yeah? You're allowed to take a breather IF he's a moron, before starting up the search. You're even allowed to treat yourself to something special for having had to deal with a moron.

1B. Adjusting your medications is not whining, and not drug seeking. It's being an active participant in your own medical treatment. Not tolerating or not liking certain effects or side effects? Also not whining. It's being normal.

2. if your worst fear is that nothing will come of this appointment? Then canceling it just makes your worst fear come true, yes? +2 points from the Control Freaks Club (I am a card carrying member!), -2 points for common sense. ;) From someone who has done this sort of thing, a lot. If the worst that could happen is nothing, and I'm willin to make that happen my own self? Then there's nothing to be frightened of. AND everything else is bonus.

If he tells me nothing is wrong wirh me I am going to get so flipping suicidal.

3. This.

If you know this in advance, it gives you tools to help circumvent it. Predictable is preventable. So what can you start doing now to help prevent either getting suicidal to begin with, or dealing with being suicidal later?

 

[Muttly]

Wow. Awesome and helpful reply. You are right. If my worst fear will happen if I don’t go it makes no sense to not go

I guess as far as a plan if I do get suicidal afterwards first thing is calling my therapist because she wants to know what happened anyway and then I guess it’s just doing some basic self-care and hanging out with you

The other thing I ever ate it with exact opposite is that he’ll want me to get admitted to a psych hospital Since I’m listening of my fears the other thing is I’m afraid he’ll want to see my cats which is something I’m really really really private about and I think it’s actually a PTSD trigger

 

[bento]

@Muttly you might need a med change, you might need something for anxiety, and you
might need someone to write you a note for leave. Three valid reasons.

You are a client seeking and paying for advice. So IF he's rude or dismissive
you can get another opinion. It sucks when that happens, but some folks get god complexes
in the health care profession. That would say zero about you, only that he would be an arrogant
dismissive asshat IF that happened.

You are making an appointment for three very logical reasons hoping logically for sound
advice. You are hoping for professionalism and empathy. Sounds very reasonable.

Your worry about the worst case scenario seems to be the problem. How can you find
support around handling the small possibility that the guy behaves like a moron?
I know that when I present my concerns in a clear fairly unemotional way I get the
best results. It might help to write down precisely what you're going to ask him and
anticipate some possible questions he might have. I don't know if this helps, but sometimes
if I'm really anxious about a negative outcome, I just start looking into a Plan B (in the case
of Dr appts that means looking for someone who can give a second opinion). With that
in my back pocket, I feel ready for any possible negative outcome. It also really helps
sometimes to have a friend come to the appt. Even if they just stay in the waiting room.

Again a negative outcome is only a small possibility. He could just as well end up being
someone you really connect with. Best of luck with the appt. Reach out and get as
much support as you are able.

 

[Muttly]

Thank you @bento

You are right I am going to the worst outcomes. Thinking in terms of the doctor potentially being the problem of things don’t work is a huge change in my thought patterns. Definitely something I can work on. I guess I doubt my experience so much if. Doctor invalidates it I feel I’m wrong.

I do have a script my therapist wrote our

 

[Freida]

catastrophic thinking -- just one more gift of PTSD.

I ditto everything the rest said - especially writing it down. A thought -- you have a script to be able to stay on track? I'm not sure if this will hurt or help so proceed with caution.... but

What do you think about writing down the things you are really afraid he might say followed by what you would say to him in the most formal words you can think of....

Things like....

Doctor - You must bring in all your cats and will not get them back
Muttly - That is not something I am willing to do. The cats provide emotional support and I believe it would impact me negatively to not have them with me

Doctor: You are here only to get drugs and you dont deserve them
Muttly: That is an incorrect assessment. I have come to discuss the medication I am currently on and if it can be adjusted to meet my current needs

Doctor: You are faking it.
Muttly: I have a diagnosis of PTSD from (insert important person here). I do not expect to have to prove my diagnosis to you. Is there someone else I could talk to?

It seems kind of silly, but if you already have your response to whatever craziness he may spout worked out in your head you may not need to worry if he says it.

and so on...

 

[bento]

@Freida - Love your script! Sounds like a slightly sarcastic Data delivering the lines.
Too funny.

I do find that helpful, thinking up possible weirdness and possible responses.
Helps calm down that catastrophic thinking.

 

[Muttly]

@Freida Holy moly that is wonderful. I pretty much have catastrophic thinking whenever I see any dr. I'm good with my therapist but it took me a long time to get there. But doctors/medical people of all sorts freak me out.

So... next very important doctor appointment is with the knee surgeon. It's not until the end of november, (really wish I could get in sooner). Anyway, let's see...

"You are just faking"

The MRI showed a tear in my meniscus. The clinic shared the results and the medical staff that reviewed the MRI considered it "significant". If you won't help me refer me to a dr who will

"You must not have been doing your PT." and/or "You need to keep doing PT longer before I will consider surgery"

You can talk to the PT, I have attended every session and been doing my exercises. Regardless, it has now been two months and I am still having pain and troubles with mobility that significantly impact my life and job. My knee catches multiple times in a day.

"I can't schedule you for surgery until the 1st of the year"

Can you refer me to a doctor who can get me in sooner. It has already been two months and I am still having pain and troubles with mobility that significantly impact my life and job. My knee catches multiple times in a day.

 

[Freida]

exactly!!!

 

[Muttly]

Revisiting this thread. Off to see the ortho doctor in a bit. Trying to remember the awesome script you all shared