Freaking out

[FauxLiz]

I made it through my appointment today and my t and I talked through how I felt that he was not his normal empathetic self. He acknowledged that it may have been the case that he is feeling a bit frustrated as he thinks that our work may not be enough and that I might need something more. To which he suggested a three weekend workshop that is coming up in a few weeks. It is a women only seminar for those with difficulty managing memories and sensations related to trauma. The thing is he knows I am not good with group activities and I am terrified of talking about my past trauma and otherwise with anyone. It was over a year of seeing this t before I spoke in anything but very vague ways related to my traumas. He was very firm today that his insistence that I participate in the workshop is not an ultimatum he strongly encourages me to time for this program. I am scared. I don't know what the consequences will be if I don't go through the workshops.. I know that in the past we have very briefly touched on inpatient programs and I know that he is concerned related to a recent unsuccessful attempt but I feel like I am barely holding my life together. Inpatient would cost me my son, my job and my career. I feel as though I need to ask him in our next session what the consequences would be even though I will most likely do this workshop or at least the first weekend session.