Friend Died

[Bill Dickerson]

I had to put my dog down a couple of days ago. Needless to say I got along with him better than any humans.

Having to put him down felt like a betrayal and along with that I get all kinds of flashbacks of all of the kids I watched die.

Taking and putting him down on the steel table after he died reminded me of having to put the kids into the morgue. It always felt like abandoning them.

It's really bad right now. Feels like if I start crying again I won't stop.

 

[Hope4future]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend and for the memories you're having. Both seem so hard. If you can, allowing yourself to cry is a safe way to express grief, past and present. The body will know when to stop, if you can trust it enough to allow it to start crying. Take care and be gentle with yourself.

 

[Toria]

Hi Bill - I am so, so sorry to read that you lost your friend. I'm also sorry that his passing brought back so many other memories. A friend of mine lost her Terrier recently and she's struggling terribly.

A friend of mine had this Irving Townsend quote as her signiture on a forum once and it really hit home for me:

“We who choose to surround ourselves
with lives even more temporary than our
own, live within a fragile circle;
easily and often breached.
Unable to accept its awful gaps,
we would still live no other way.
We cherish memory as the only
certain immortality, never fully
understanding the necessary plan.”

 

[nursenurse]

There's nothing wrong with crying, and crying some more. I lost my best buddy almost 6 years ago. Hoover was the best little doggie that I could have asked for, and was 17 years and 7 months when I had to make that decision. I still miss him so much to this day. Hugs to you.

"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened." Anatole France.

 

[JustBe]

Oh Bill. My heart hurts right along with you. Losing those we love is always hard but losing a soulmate is beyond painful.

I wish you peace and good memories.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Bill,
I am SO sorry for your loss. Crying is okay, and it's okay for it to last. I believe your tears honor the love and dedication to your friend. That is not to say that NOT crying does not change the pain. Everyone is different. Your dog was your 'child' and it is devastating to lose a child. I have, and grief is grief regardless of whether they are a two-legged child, or a four-legged child.

You chose a peaceful way, rather than let him suffer. That takes great courage and love. I know you will honor that love for a long time.

My dog, Buddy, is 14, and just pulled through pneumonia. Yes, it cost a lot of $$ but it was worth it. We know that next time might be the last, but there is not way to prepare. I will not let him suffer. When the light in his eyes goes out, and he no longer wags his tail...I will summon up the courage to do the same thing as you have done.

It sounds like you have had too much grieving already, but there is no amount of 'practice' that saves you from this grief.

Prayers and blessings to your heart of hearts!

 

[Loloma]

(((((Bill))))) So sorry to hear about your dog. A lot of times a dog or in my case cat can be a much better friend than a human. My cats have been such a comfort to me, when I have been going through deep depression and difficult times. Somehow they can sense how you feel and just be there for you. I'm sure you did what was best for him like a good friend does.

Sad that it has brought up bad memories from the past for you. I am sure you will start to feel a little better in a few days. Please take care of yourself.

 

[The Albatross]

Very sorry Bill for your loss and that the situation reminded you of such an upsetting part of your life. Please accept my heartfelt condolences for your loss and know I'm with you today. :hug:

 

[ButterflyBean]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend and for the memories you're having. Both seem so hard. If you can, allowing yourself to cry is a safe way to express grief, past and present. The body will know when to stop, if you can trust it enough to allow it to start crying. Take care and be gentle with yourself.

I second Hope's whole post! To me, crying is a therapeutic release and a sign of strength! If you can't do it by yourself, which is totally understandable, is there a friend who could hold you, let you cry without asking questions unless you're ready to talk, and just tell you that you're safe and okay with him/her? The longer you keep your feelings inside, the more they will eat away at you; then they will be so intense that you'll explode with nowhere to go! Your therapist is another issue that needs to be addressed, yes, but right now just focus comforting with positive support!

Sending healing thoughts to you!

~Holly

 

[Bill Dickerson]

His spirit was good but he just could not stand anymore. I've been nursing him along for about a year knowing this was coming. I feel like I violated his trust in me to take care of him. He had that trust in eyes when he passed.

All of the old flashes just made me sick to my stomach.

 

[The Albatross]

Feelings are not facts Bill. You nursed him for a year. He was ailing/failing. You did what you could reasonably do, and there is no way to interpret anything but you're friends physical condition when he passed. In death, there is seldom (that I've ever personally seen) anything accusatory, it is a uniquely personal process and from what I've witnessed, involves no one except the person who experiences it.

 

[PinkSugar]

I'm so sorry!
I hope you find peace, and I believe your dog and the children are in a place of peace and rest.