Friends, Relationships, And Excessive Anxiety

[Mercutio]

I've been feeling very alone in a problem I've been having. Has anyone else struggled with this? I'd love suggestions, or even just to know it's not just me.

I have been lucky enough to have an excellent small group of loving, supportive friends. I can communicate with them openly and share my feelings.

However, whenever one of my close friends goes on a date, engages in a relationship, or even so much as talks about dating, attraction, and sexuality, I break down. I panic, I tend to question them to the point of interrogation, I cry excessively when I'm by myself, and I obsess over it. If I know they are on a date or with a significant other, I am an absolute wreck. Everything about my friends being in romantic relationships seems to terrify me.

In the past this has ruined my friendships and caused a lot of stress. Now, mercifully, I am able to admit these feelings, get reassurance that they are safe and happy, and avoid conflicts, but I still have trouble coping with all the negative feelings.

I'm not sure if it's because the situation is out of my control (as I have O.C.D. and am obsessed with control), if I'm taking my bad experiences with sex and relationships and fearing that it will happen to them, or if I'm worried that they will abandon me if the relationship takes off, or maybe a mixture of all of these?

It makes me feel so confused and guilty to behave so erratically and frightened when situations that seem to make them happy come up. Why can't I just be happy for my friends?

 

[anndeb]

In fact I believe you can just be happy for your friends, if that truly is your goal! Not that the process of dealing with all that bagage will be easy.. yet I don't think the task is any bigger than you are!

I remember a few years back making a decision to do just this thing for a goal of mine. I knew how good it made me feel to have the sincere support and shared happiness with my friends when something good was going for me and I wanted to get past the jealousies and fears that were preventing me from being there for them in their happiness. And so along with my decision to change I practiced and prayed a bit each opportunity I got to make the change. And over time I have experienced the changes, I happy to say. And blessed a little too I guess.

Again, this was not easy! But it can be done. I wish you well ..