Gaslighting: Protecting Yourself

[BloomInWinter]

Wow, how awful! I'm glad you broke free from such a damaging person. You deserve so much better.

 

[Philippa]

Your boyfriend is a criminal...'nuff said. Seems like he lives his life in accordance with the principles of deception and denial. My brother is also a crim and he has no friends who aren't either gun dealers, drug dealers (like him) and backyard criminal thieves who sell off stolen goods.

His gaslighting got pretty extreme the last time I saw him (2 years ago) where he tried, for a whole hour, to convince me there waa a picture of Al Capone on his wall, when it was a material with a chinese dragon printed on it.

I turned my head for a minute and when I looked back there was a framed photo of Al Capone on the wall. I called him out straight away and told him he swapped them, but he didn't admit it. I left and when he called me later he laughed and said "I was just joking ya know."

His other escapades include trying to get me to perform in a homemade porn video, with HIM filming while I had sex with his f*ckbuddy (who looked like me)!

 

[Little Flower]

My mom did that from the nursing so much I had to talk he phone

This was a lot for me to take in never hearing the term.

Would it mean someone who profits from your disability ?

Or someone one who provokes you
Like my whole marriage and relationship with my mom?

I'm curious : That not only sounds like my x IT. His arrogance was unbelievable. Still is?

I know curiosity killed the cat. But I still have plenty of lives left :)

He told all the kids I was crazy because I went to T and in crazy people go to T .
That hurt. Affected relationship with kids for a long time. Still knocks me to my knees if my inner nemesis start feeling low self esteem
Words really do hurt

Thanks Phillipa and Bloominwinter
More pieces of the puzzle.

 

[RussH]

very good thread bloom

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

Thank you so much @BloomInWinter I had a little (and by little I mean a lot) research on the web after I found your post. I've been being gaslighted by my sibling for years and didn't know. I now know I'm better equipped to deal with it. Thank you. Xx

 

[Little Flower]

This is a definition of what IT did to me during my divorce. And it ran the whole gammet from making me look unstable to actually committing myself to the hospital. I've described what he did to many people. My T says he's a bully. People describe him as arrogant. My trauma T insist he suffered some childhood trauma he trying to mask. He still takes it out on every opportunity to the point that I can't speak to a (man) I was married to for 25 years and have 3 adult children with. I start shrinking if I hear his name. The mental fear of him is something I need to master I'mf I'm ever going o get any peace
I need gaslight protection 101
and seff-care 101
Thanks for opening my horizons

 

[katz]

I think that I understand what gas lighting is, however, I would like some other peoples idea if they think that this is gas lighting.

When my husband married me, about 9 years ago. I was not doing much in the way of therapy. I had kind of set the memories aside and gone on with life. The last few years they have been arriving again--in force. I have 5 different demons (both in the family and out).

I have not been comfortable with any thing in the bedroom for quite a while. When we did- it hurt me a lot. Now he is saying things that make me feel like he is blaming me for what happened. He gets me so upset that I just shut down and go quietly to the bedroom and cry. Then he apologizes to me the next day. By the following weekend, it is starting again. I want to "fix" this situation. I just don't know how. I can't even get him to lower his voice because the loudness bothers me. (We had a lot of yelling when I was growing up.)

He tells me that he was this way when I married him and he can't change.
So he hurts me (emotionally) by blaming me for the way I am now.

He tells me that the reason it hurts is because it's been so long. "If we just start back up again, it will get better." I just know that...it always hurts.

I went to bed last night in tears thinking how, when I was a child, I was afraid to go to bed. Now, as an adult, I'm ashamed to. Week and week, we have the same "discussion". He is complaining that he "must have" and me feeling terrible for not being able to give it to him. I don't want a divorce, but when do my needs get taken care of??

Is he just replaying the same argument, by making me think that all this is my fault?

 

[cat-lady]

I'm glad to see this thread here. It's definitely a term everyone should know. I've been through this a lot with my family. Ultimately I just had to separate from them, even the ones who were not abusive.

Katz - I don't know if I would call that gaslighting but it's definitely not ok. I would suggest discussing that with a therapist and also maybe an obgyn Dr.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Wow, Jatz, that is SO not ok. How incredibly selfish and clueless of your husband to be responding like that. Please tell your therapist about it. Every time it hurts, trust is lost and fear of sex gets worse. Don't force yourself to do anything you aren't wanting to do. I've done that before and it never worked out well.

 

[LanaD]

I just, just found out about this term and went, "Oh, my goodness, that's exactly what my ex did!" It is just horrible. It's awful that there's so much of it out there, but at least if we're aware of it we know what to watch for and, hopefully, to walk away at the first sign of gaslighting.

 

[katz]

I'm glad to see this thread here. It's definitely a term everyone should know. I've been through this...

Thanks. I have an appointment next week. I've read about scarring "inside" from surgery, so I'm going to see a specialist.

I think that I will still be scared-but this is a first step.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

Most of the gaslighting in my life consists of Bic lighters and beer farts..