Gaslighting: Protecting Yourself

[BloomInWinter]

Gaslighting is a risk for those of us online and in real life, especially those using social media. It's an even bigger risk to those of us with an identifiable diagnosis, such as PTSD or depression.

An example: a gaslighter first befriends someone with depression, encourages that person to share, then uses that info to then try to make that person commit suicide. Obviously someone with sadistic &/or antisocial intentions.

Sometimes, though, it's just them struggling with their own issues...but they gaslight others to avoid dealing with their own issues.

I'm so grateful for the way this forum is set up and moderated. I do see a lot of gaslighting on social media, so it's a relief to see so many watching out for each other here.

Definition: "The phrase comes from the 1940's film Gaslight, in which an abusive husband deliberately dims the gaslights in the house, but when his wife comments on it he tells her she's imagining it, that the lights never dimmed at all." Source - [DLMURL]http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/gaslighting.html[/DLMURL]

"In an article from Link Removed, the term gaslighting is said to come from the 1944 movie “Gaslight.” The movie was about a husband who tried to make his wife believe she needed to be in a mental institution. The article also mentions that besides romantic relationships, gaslighting can be found in work relationships and parent-child relationships." - Source: http://www.empowher.com/mental-heal...g-psychological-manipulation-extreme?page=0,1

Being aware of this possibility is a good tool to have in our self-protection toolkit, I think.

 

[SimplyComplex]

Awwww my favorite form or torture. I am not totally sure about this post (what is it about besides providing a definition?) but my husband has been a huge gaslighter. In all honesty, it was not intentional. But it is torture! He learned it from his dad and mom.

Now I refuse to accept it. It is a conversation ender and I call him on it. "I will not have this conversation if you are not willing to be honest". And walk away. He has been working on it too.

 

[James B.]

I saw my parents and brothers do this to my sister, who'd been molested by my dad. They used to call her a "hypochondriac" because (in retrospect) her panic disorder was probably getting triggered, and her problems breathing may have been very real. Mine sure are.

An interesting post, Bloom. Thank you.

 

[Tinyflame]

I always thought gaslighting was caused by denial, or the person blacking out (not remembering). I just thought of it as 'minimizing'.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I am not totally sure about this post (what is it about besides providing a definition?) ...

I'm sorry! I lost my session while writing it, then took a long phone call...it came out a lousy post without the narrative so I'm rewriting my narrative...

 

[BloomInWinter]

I always thought gaslighting was caused by denial, or the person blacking out (not remembering). I just thought of it as 'minimizing'.

Minimizing is a tactic used in gaslighting, to be sure, but it's the ongoing invalidation of the responses that eventually have the victim left feeling vulnerable and disoriented...or worse.

There are many who gaslight others with no idea they communicate that way.

Then, there are those sadists and sociopaths out there who enjoy creating chaos and pain.

Thankfully, once we learn to turn off the fuel as soon as we identify it, we don't have to care about motives.

Just protecting ourselves and those we love as we are able.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Good post! With good timing Bloom!

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you Bloom, I understand.

 

[BloomInWinter]

What worries me is, on the Internet, third parties can often see the gaslighting taking place. Like on the forum or on facebook. There's a *chance* for someone outside the 'abuser-victim' circle who can see and sometimes, intervene.

There's no such chance for a Good Samaritan to weigh in on a texting gaslighting brigade against an abused victim. Even worse, victims now can be continually abused through texting while even standing in a grocery store line, and nobody around them would know to say, 'hey, that's NOT right!'

It's for this reason I support banning texting in certain public places. There's just too many abusers, too many reactive traumatized people in the world sending misery via texting.

I hope we'll teach the millennials that it's NEVER ok to bully, harass, or threaten ANYONE. Not in real life, not on the Internet, not via texts. I hope we'll teach them to turn off the phone, look up, and learn how to deal with people so they don't become a generation easily victimized because they haven't had a chance to practice self-protection.

 

[Tinyflame]

Strange you mention it Bloom- so true even texting.

 

[SimplyComplex]

What public areas should be banned from public texting? I guess I am not sure what that has to do with anything whatsoever. Are we talking high school? Or the grocery store? And how does stopping people from texting stop people from harassing? Ought there be better laws that protect people directly then a blanket of disallowing forms of communication that at 99.9% of the time not harassing?

 

[catjudo]

It's for this reason I support banning texting in certain public places. There's just too many abusers, too many reactive traumatized people in the world sending misery via texting.

I'm not trying to be argumentative, but I am genuinely confused and unclear about this. How would banning texting in some places prevent the type of things you are talking about? Don't you have to know a person's cell phone number in order to text them? And you certainly don't have to be in the same place at the same time to text someone. So if someone wants to send harassing or abusive texts to someone else, they would be able to accomplish that regardless of physical location...and they'd only be able to do it if the potential victim had given the potential abuser their phone number. I really don't see how banning texting in certain locations would prevent these occurrences. :confused: