asadafagahajakal
Not Active
When my wife and i just started dating, this is when i really opened up about my traumatic childhood and teen years. I told her i was genuinely terrified of becoming something like the people that hurt and violated me. You know the whole product of environment bullshit? I believed that. I also believed once a cheater, always a cheater, likewise with a beater. Kinda scared me cuz i cheated on a woman once, but never again. And never on my wife.
But she knew i was scared of hurting her. I have no idea why she was so fearless in staying with me, eloping with me to a city 8 hours away, but she did. She really trusted me when i couldnt trust myself.
When i asked her to marry me, we didnt have the rings until we started paying for the wedding. We felt it was a frivolous thing given our financial situation back then. But i still felt the need to give her something as a token of our engagement.
A knife.
I believe that you shouldnt swear under god, as he will always be, likewise with the law. And you cant swear on your head, as you cant change a hair black to grey. But i gave her the means to change something. And i told her something like "i swear on my life i will never strike you in anger. Should i lose my control, i give you my permission and my forgiveness to take my life."
I dont know why im still scared of becoming anything like what im afraid of. Ive always been more of a defender than avenger.
The idea came from when i read a blog post somewhere that spartan women carried small knives on them, because back then, the men, especially combat veterans, had a tendency to be very violent, so if a man were to strike them, she would cut up their faces so if you saw a spartan man with a marked up face, you know he hit a woman.
Id never hit her, and ive never had an urge to strike anyone for years, but i gave it as a token of my promise. Maybe it was the self destructive side of me that told me to do it.the side that forgets to tell me theres an incoming truck as im crossing the street.
But she knew i was scared of hurting her. I have no idea why she was so fearless in staying with me, eloping with me to a city 8 hours away, but she did. She really trusted me when i couldnt trust myself.
When i asked her to marry me, we didnt have the rings until we started paying for the wedding. We felt it was a frivolous thing given our financial situation back then. But i still felt the need to give her something as a token of our engagement.
A knife.
I believe that you shouldnt swear under god, as he will always be, likewise with the law. And you cant swear on your head, as you cant change a hair black to grey. But i gave her the means to change something. And i told her something like "i swear on my life i will never strike you in anger. Should i lose my control, i give you my permission and my forgiveness to take my life."
I dont know why im still scared of becoming anything like what im afraid of. Ive always been more of a defender than avenger.
The idea came from when i read a blog post somewhere that spartan women carried small knives on them, because back then, the men, especially combat veterans, had a tendency to be very violent, so if a man were to strike them, she would cut up their faces so if you saw a spartan man with a marked up face, you know he hit a woman.
Id never hit her, and ive never had an urge to strike anyone for years, but i gave it as a token of my promise. Maybe it was the self destructive side of me that told me to do it.the side that forgets to tell me theres an incoming truck as im crossing the street.
