General Genuinely Do Not Understand,

[wife of]

OK,so before I start,let me make it clear!

This is not a pop at any individual.

There is something that I don't understand.

Why do some people log on as carers when they in fact do not have anyone with PTSD currently in thier lives?

I just do not get it,if (hope to the moon and back it never happens) my guy dumped me and it was clearly never going to happen for us,then this would be the last place you would find me.

Don't get me wrong there are people on here I would wish to remain in contact with,but surely,moping around trying to fathom the unfathomable out of the situation is unhealthy?

It's hard enough trying to get a handle on things when genuinly supporting someone,why would you bother to try if you aren't?

I mean I get it when mothers,dads,sons,daughters,friends,colleagues and any other relationship log onto look for advice.

To me it seems like trying to figure out the best way to paint a ship long after it's sailed.

 

[amethist]

I understand what you are saying wife of, but sometime they still need the answers as to "What it is all about".

There is no magic wand for any of us to find all the right answers, if there are any. But finding some answers could help to bring closure for some.

For those who are just hanging on, hoping that it will all come right in the end, then they possibly need to find some good one to one therapy for themselves, to help them see for certain, there was nothing more they could do.

Then there is the odd one, and yes we have had them on here in the past, who only want to hear that it will all be rosy and that if they keep contacting and being a complete nuisance to the sufferer, they will eventually cave in and come back to them. Explaining to them that they are causing more harm than good, is not the answer they want to hear, or will listen to, no matter how strongly you put it.

 

[wife of]

Yeah,never did get that closure,thing.

God I'm lucky in that I seem to be able to digest,discuss and dismiss all the bad crap that ever befalls me.

Sometimes wonder If I'm a right ice cold bi**h.

 

[IvyMillie]

I feel for the ones that have been in a relationship with someone with PTSD and then it all goes bad for them. I'm sure they want to understand it better. Maybe, there is also some guilt--like what could I have done differently? They all seem to have cared very deeply for their sufferer. It is probably also a matter of understanding what went wrong and why did they act that way? Again was it their fault.

It's great wife of that you are able to move on so quickly. I think though that if a person falls in love with someone and it doesn't work out some people just take longer to let go. Love is a powerful thing. Not loving someone or having to stop loving them is harder than loving them sometimes.

 

[wife of]

Oh gosh don't get me wrong,If ever I lost my guy it would kill me,but I'm a forward facing person and a realist I don't see what these folks hope to achieve by raking over the coals of a lost relationship,it's not looking after themselves at all.

 

[Srain]

These "folks" are "our" folks...no?

(I must have a bug up my butt today so pls forgive me and do NOT take this personally at all - my grandson is seriously sick, husband out of work, etc..whine whine whine...)

But.......I feel like this word "closure" has gotten a seriously bad rap. Maybe like PTSD?

I don't think that a view of "us" and "them" is exactly useful ...those that have a current Sufferer (like a possession???) in their lives or have lost one - one way or another. Loss is loss. A heart doesn't know the difference between death and packing up and walking out the door.

That's all I wanted to say.

 

[wife of]

Just pointing out that I'm not trying to start factions of any kind and no I don't view my hubs as a posession.

I have no problem binning broken possesions off without a backward glance...

 

[Army_Brat_88]

God I'm lucky in that I seem to be able to digest,discuss and dismiss all the bad crap that ever befalls me

Oh please. If that were true, you wouldn't be on this site.

Sometimes wonder If I'm a right ice cold bi**h

Yep, that is a pretty accurate assessment.

How dare you knock people who come on here for help. You are no relationship guru, and for you to say who will or shouldn't come on here to find answers is absurd.

If you don't like what they post THEN DON'T POST ON THAT THREAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO ONE IS FORCING YOU TO, so why don't you just do yourself a favor and skip those posts if they irrate you then instead of writing crap like this.

Or, go create your own blog so that you can decide who can and can't post.

 

[Army_Brat_88]

If ever I lost my guy it would kill me

Gee, with the scorn you posted on here for people who are confused and suffering, I'd challenge that feeling in you

 

[IvyMillie]

I suppose we all handle things differently. I'd say wife of that you are a really practical type of person and I think that it must be nice to be that way. In many situations I wish I could just move on and get over things quickly.

It is also natural that we can't always understand people who are different than we are.

So for those people who can get over things quickly and move on--that is great. There are probably plusses to that type of personality that I don't know about, but I'm know they exist.

For those of us who are more sensitive and feel loss more deeply--that's good too.

Since I'm of a more sensitive nature and it does have it's down side. One tends to feel pain more deeply and longer. However, there is a good side of it too--I think I appreciate the simple things in life more than some people. I love the sound of birds and appreciate a beautiful sunny day. So with the negative side of it there is also a positive side, in I think, feeling joys more deeply.

Does anyone else feel that way too? This is all just from my limited view of life.

 

[Nicolette]

Everyone heals differently when a relationship ends and some people here don't even know if their relationship has ended.... they just stopped hearing from their Sufferer. It's confusing and hard having PTSD in your life let alone when it tears your relationship apart, leaves it in limbo or simply ends it for no apparent reason.

I see both sides to the discussion here but let's please keep it as that - and not let it get into an argument or carry it all over the forum into other threads. Everyone is welcome here who is either suffering from or dealing with PTSD affecting their lives. It's that simple.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Unless someone is trolling or otherwise a nuisance, does it matter if these people who no longer have a sufferer are on the site? Maybe they need closure, maybe they need to figure out how to cope when one of us (I'm a sufferer myself) shuts them out of their lives... I don't think we should judge these people so harshly. They must be here for a reason, right? It's not always so easy to cut the apron strings!