Getting In Touch With Anger

[anni]

I do think an awful lot of this really is sefl-worth. It feels that way, at any rate.As a side note, I'm genuinely frightened of the consequences of extreme anger since I have no idea on the planet what I'd do with all that. It feels like I just don't deserve the dignity to stand up for whatever outrage- large or small-has been inflicted. Sometime ago my T presented me with the information which has been a keystone for an awful lot of understanding the PTSD dynamics across the board, which is self worth, or extreme lack thereof. It's much tougher, for someone who did not have validation as a child. I did, so am able to at least see a path somewhere to hopefully resolving this and it's apparently progressing to the point where the guilt is gone, mostly. It's still scary, I very, VERY much dilsike how uncomfortable it makes me to experience, much less express it when I'm angry, but at least once in awhile can, without guilt, too. It's infrequent but will take it.

I'm not replying in this way for a pat on the back, but for sheer encouragement's sake, since even a year ago the thought of clearly expressed expressed anger on my part would have sent me to bed for the day.

 

[Pink77]

I wish I knew more about it. It's a word my T tossed into conversation.

I think my "shock" is also from the number of times it was witnessed by people who love/d me and they didn't do a thing. I keep asking myself "why?" did this person do what they did, but wrong question to ask, won't get any answers.

I'm sticking to baby steps of dealing with the triggers that my body remembers and trying to remember that "this too shall pass" so I can get on with my day. It is tiring though! :(

Take care, Pink

 

[Pink77]

I don't think there is a ocean big enough to hold my anger.

I'm sorry to hear that! :(

 

[Nora]

Every time I come back there are more insightful posts that really help me process my current situation. And the 'anger' thread seems the most applicable usually!

Sethe, the idea of 'destructive entitlement' is very interesting to me. I wonder if it's similar in concept to 'narcissistic wounding', which my T has talked to me about before. It's about someone's actions affecting you to the core of your very being, and makes it therefore much harder to get perspective on the situation because now you're just hurting and trying to make it stop. Certainly seems a lot like being shocked at being wronged, too.

Self-sabotaging fits with the idea of anger turned inwards too. I'm hoping this will happen less as I work more on my self esteem too.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I'm sorry to hear that! :(

Maybe its bad. But its...workable. You know?

 

[Pink77]

Every time I come back there are more insightful posts that really help me process my current situation. And the 'anger' thread seems the most applicable usually!

Sethe, the idea of 'destructive entitlement' is very interesting to me. I wonder if it's similar in concept to 'narcissistic wounding', which my T has talked to me about before. It's about someone's actions affecting you to the core of your very being, and makes it therefore much harder to get perspective on the situation because now you're just hurting and trying to make it stop. Certainly seems a lot like being shocked at being wronged, too.

Self-sabotaging fits with the idea of anger turned inwards too. I'm hoping this will happen less as I work more on my self esteem too.

Hi Nora,
I like your definition of 'narcissistic wounding'. It fits my situation very well. Explains a lot, too, from where my pain/ anger comes from. It does a number on your self-esteem, too. Especially, when you never doubted youself (or you trusted yourself, and little by little, you begin to doubt everything because of what happened/is happening to you by this other person who "loves" you (my situation).

I know that self sabotaging is anger turned inward, and I've been working on that to keep myself from doing the worst of the sabotaging (cutting), and am working on the others slowly. I just get so overwhelmed with everything I want to know where the "off" button is on my head so I can shut it off!:confused:

I have noticed that as I did a Self-Esteem Journal 10-week workbook, the strength, and old and better me came out and I was very surprised at not being afraid to handle things I would have been in the past. So, with that said, I hope you get the same results with working on your self esteem and find your own inner strength again!
Hugs, Pink

 

[Sethe]

Every time I come back there are more insightful posts that really help me process my current situation. And the 'anger' thread seems the most applicable usually!

Sethe, the idea of 'destructive entitlement' is very interesting to me. I wonder if it's similar in concept to 'narcissistic wounding', which my T has talked to me about before. It's about someone's actions affecting you to the core of your very being, and makes it therefore much harder to get perspective on the situation because now you're just hurting and trying to make it stop. Certainly seems a lot like being shocked at being wronged, too.

Self-sabotaging fits with the idea of anger turned inwards too. I'm hoping this will happen less as I work more on my self esteem too.

Hmm, I'm gonna have to look into this... I'm way too tired right now (grading). I do know that my Dad had the 'explosive' version of narcissistic rage and my ex the 'pernicious' version.

I think they were both 'wounding.'

 

[Abrasky]

I have a lot of anger from therapy at the moment. It's not just anger though, My therapist describes it as a powerful feeling. It is anger in a melting pot of other feelings like self destruction, anger at my father for attacking our success. The feelings are so powerful I have gone into the spare room and hit my head on the wall thrown pillows. Once it happened in the laundry I sat down and hit myself all over screaming and swearing. I felt like a totally different feeling to the anger I used the have, which was simple anger. My therapist said this anger was suppressed below all the other abuse in my childhood.
The only thing was that in all the other abuse I didn't get angry in a destructive way and didn't get PTSD. Millions of espisodes of witnessing abuse and violence in my family and I chose to turn it into positive anger about being successful. I was so successful at dealing with the violence I just started getting better and better with my confidence outside of home. The moment I was 19 and started to get a bit of confidence there was an espisode of violence from my dad where I decided to turn my anger into a destructive anger in the hope I could escape this situation once and for all. And funnily enought, that one espisode of violence did something terrible, I got PTSD. I think destructive anger is a bit like the phrase If you try to throw a hot coal you will get burned in the process. I have been struggling with destroying my personality and positive anger which created your personality ever since.

 

[Philippa]

I think allowing anger to surface after not letting it for so long and bottling it, as I still sometimes do unfortunately, returns a sense of dignity and self-respect to us.

i used to be terrified that I'd hurt someone if I let my anger out...and it was made known to me from a young age that I wasn't allowed to be angry by my father. I realized that I had been carrying around his own unexpressed anger which had turned to depression for years, and my own anger as well. I spent so many years down because he wouldn't deal with his anger, and that makes me angry. I'm angry at not being allowed to be angry.

I would have him telling me to keep my temper, and mum telling me to "get mad"...so you can see what mixed message I received. I don't blame them, as I know they are dysfunctional, and it is passed down from generation to generation unconsciously...but I'm mad that my life has been so adversely affected because of that...and that after all the good work I did to start validating my own feelings and becoming empowered...I am back to square one, or it feels that way, and seem to always be taking one step forward and two steps back...which frustrates me to no end.

I have painted volcanoes to express my anger, I have screamed into pillows, taken martial arts classes...I want to take up boxing and a friend is gonna give me her boxing bag. I also practise just lying still and letting myself feel the anger and just acknowledge it inside me without needing to express it verbally or externally in any way.

Trying to discover what lies beneath the anger is the hard part for me. I seem to just focus in the anger itself.

 

[Philippa]

I have a lot of anger from therapy at the moment. It's not just anger though, My therapist describes it as a powerful feeling. It is anger in a melting pot of other feelings like self destruction, anger at my father for attacking our success. The feelings are so powerful I have gone into the spare room and hit my head on the wall thrown pillows. Once it happened in the laundry I sat down and hit myself all over screaming and swearing. I felt like a totally different feeling to the anger I used the have, which was simple anger. My therapist said this anger was suppressed below all the other abuse in my childhood.
The only thing was that in all the other abuse I didn't get angry in a destructive way and didn't get PTSD. Millions of espisodes of witnessing abuse and violence in my family and I chose to turn it into positive anger about being successful. I was so successful at dealing with the violence I just started getting better and better with my confidence outside of home. The moment I was 19 and started to get a bit of confidence there was an espisode of violence from my dad where I decided to turn my anger into a destructive anger in the hope I could escape this situation once and for all. And funnily enought, that one espisode of violence did something terrible, I got PTSD. I think destructive anger is a bit like the phrase If you try to throw a hot coal you will get burned in the process. I have been struggling with destroying my personality and positive anger which created your personality ever since.

Wow. This has been my experience too. I once had to stop myself from the impulse to just throw myself as hard as I could at the shower wall while I was having a shower. I didn't feel the anger, just the impulse...and again at another house I lived at, I would get this very strong impulse to bang my head against the wall in my bedroom just sitting there cross legged. No one liked me because I was so angry...it was just a constant thing...seeping out of me. I had so much anger in me. An ocean of it. I didn't realize a person could hold so much anger in them, until I realized I was that person. I don't even recognize myself. Who is this person. This angry angry woman that I am. I am so freakin' angry...it scare me, and it scares everyone else too. I am scared.

 

[intothelight]

Something has been happening to my anger. It is becoming passion to make a difference. Anger is becoming activism.

 

[Abrasky]

I asked my therapist if the feelings that return a few years after they have been numbed and forgotton were that intense to begin with or the forgetting caused them to be more intense. She said she didn't know but it was a good question. I do wonder if the numbing of the memory in my subconsious causes my brain to increase the intensity of the emotion in an attempt for the brain to remember it the memory that is lost after trauma. And this process of hightening the emotion doesn't work, as the memory is still forgotton, but the emotions become so strong as to cripple the individual.The brain is using all 99% power to keep it'self together processing all these flashbacks and that's why I can't concentrate or remember things.That's just one thought.