Getting Protector Part To Back Down

[Laurie2001]

My "protector" part absolutely is trying to sabotage my recovery. There's probably endless stra...

I think you make such total sense.

 

[Laurie2001]

I just want to say something about myself in relation to this. I feel, although I might have protective parts, I usually feel my exiles completely become completely blended with me. I'm not exactly doing IFS, but I'm familiar with it so my therapist and I think of it as sort of dissociating. I know how old I am, where I am, etc., but may feel like I am 8 years old, or even like an infant frozen in fear. Its horrible. She wants me to talk to my parts or help heal them, but I sort of feel sick even acknowledging that they exist. I know that is a little different than what you are talking about. Just felt I needed to share. I definitely have lots of firefighters though. Anyway, thanks for the discussion.

 

[watundah]

I so appreciate everyone sharing their experiences here and will re-read and chew on this before I head to therapy this week. It's reassuring to know I'm not alone in this and there is a way forward.

 

[Hope4Now]

If I knew how to do a heart imogee on this system, I would send it to you.
Remember, take your time with yourself and be kind and gentle with all your parts!

 

[watundah]

Thank you! As much as my logical and analytical self wants to question all of this parts business, it has truly been the biggest breakthrough for me. Amazing stuff.

 

[Hope4Now]

my logical and analytical self wants to question all of this parts business

Oh, I know this only too well. You have to ask that power-part to give some space because, in my experience at least, the whole parts work is pretty surreal. Working with parts, in my experience, requires a willingness to have faith in what seems to be pretty bizarre.

My logical/analytical part was reassured when I read about the natural multiplicity of the mind. So many of us have been convinced that we are a single, unified being. That anything else that doesn't fit with our self-concept doesn't belong. So when we start this "parts" work, many of us are pretty skeptical. And yet, so many scholars and clinicians going way back acknowledge that the human mind is naturally multiple--naturally has different parts. It's just that for people with trauma from the past, the parts just get pretty extreme in their different ways, and the wounded young parts especially (but others too) get locked down by the parts that "run" the outside self.

 

[EveHarrington]

Last year my T and I dove into some heavy IFS work. We have agreed that when I go into therapy, I am n...

Can you give us an update?

I’m struggling with getting protector parts to back down. Not in therapy, but in general. I know I have to work with them and my goal is to make them understand they are hindering progress at this time, and that “I” can step up and protect little e on my own.

Thanks.

 

[Hope4Now]

Hi @EveHarrington
I know you were asking @watundah for an update. I'm going to jump in and share too--hoping that's okay. I don't want to hijack the thread. It was serendipitous that you posted this today as yesterday I had a really intense session with my therapist working on protector parts. I have a whole team of them, unfortunately. Some more extreme than others and they wreak havoc both in therapy and outside. I don't yet seem to be able to sustain the SELF energy to persuade them to give me enough space to prove to them that I can be okay without their interventions, and that I can help them take on other roles in my system that are more helpful to me.

What helped me a great deal a while back (around the time this thread started) was working with my therapist to do a sort of intentional dissociative thing where I visualized a safe place that these extreme protectors could stay. It had to be locked. They could "watch" me/my life, but not come out. My T and I had this long thing about how I couldn't put ALL my protectors away like this, because some of them I actually rely on in my day-to-day life...sort of my functional managers. So we decided only this one particular team of protectors would be locked away. Because they have good intentions for me (in spite of their sabotaging behaviors), I made the lockup a very nice, safe place. We used EMDR to "install" it, but really you could do it with any sort of bilateral stimulation--cross your arms and pat your shoulders with your hands in an alternating rhythm while you visualize the lockup, explain to the parts why they need to go there, and direct them there with great compassion. It really, really helped me. The lockup does sort of dissolve on a regular basis, and the team escapes, so I have to spend regular time herding them all back in there. Yesterday was one of those times, and I needed my therapist to help me do it. I feel much better today.

This stuff does really help. It is bizarre and defies all logic, but it helps. I have had months of feeling a bit freer and more open than ever. We've given a rest to accessing the really young wounded parts so I can work on showing the ones in the lockup that I can be okay without their interference. Thanks to this work, I have been able to finish a bunch of artwork and writing without destroying it, I have not self-harmed, I launched my website, and I have been taking better care of myself physically. But it doesn't all happen at once. It has taken a lot of intentional practice and patience. Like herding feral cats.

My very wise and kind therapist says the key is to be strong and directive but from a place of deep caring and compassion for your protector part(s) and the roles they have played in your life. Most protectors don't like or want to do the jobs they do--they just can't quite trust that you will be okay without them.

 

[watundah]

Hi, Eve -
Sorry I cannot offer much at this point. I stopped going to therapy in June and haven't been dealing with any IFS work since then. I think @Hope4Now has some wise words here.