Getting Ready For Anniversay

[Nicolette]

After listening to Anthony talking about this on many occasion, I understand that sometimes it is about re-training yourself and not giving a situation the 'honor' of an anniversary. You may be giving your power away by just holding the date and event connection every year. Sometimes something may happen once but it is not recognised annually.

Something you might like to consider. I was assaulted by an ex boyfriend to the point of him splitting above my eye open. While traumatic for me I cannot honestly remember the date and would have to think about what the year even was. Reason for this is I wanted it to remain in my past. I have never thought it was a year ago today that I...blah blah blah.

By no means am I dismissing what happened to you but, IMHO, your goal should now be working towards healing and not having anniversaries if you can.

 

[Anonymoose]

While I appreciate your advice, my therapist has advised the opposite course of action. Denying anniversaries would be counterproductive for me.

 

[Nicolette]

Can I ask why your therapist thinks that would be counterproductive? It just goes against everything I have ever read or been told?

 

[anthony]

While I appreciate your advice, my therapist has advised the opposite course of action. Denying anniversaries would be counterproductive for me.

Your choice anonymoose.

My opinion only.... I think your therapist is being a twit and not thinking completely about you and the impact this has upon you. Its not your therapist who is suffering, its you. But again, your choice and that I respect.

 

[Deleted member 541]

This is only my opinion, but I don't think it's about DENYING the anniversary so much, as is it not letting it have the power over you. When we give into the fear, the anxiety, the dread that a *date of a trauma* can bring with it, then our minds start to fear the date. We start to associate the fear with the date, when in reality it isn't the date that we fear, as it is, the trauma, that happened. Focusing on ways to resolve the symptoms , caused from the trauma, instead of the date, would be way more productive IMO!!!!!

I don't remember a lot of my trauma, never mind the dates, so I can't fully understand....But, I do have seasons that my symptoms are at a more higher peak than normal. This can cause great anxiety for me, but I do try to do things to alleviate the symptoms, rather than focus on the season.......So, in reality, it is sort of the same, just a bigger time frame......

 

[Nicolette]

This is only my opinion, but I don't think it's about DENYING the anniversary so much, as is it not letting it have the power over you. When we give into the fear, the anxiety, the dread that a *date of a trauma* can bring with it, then our minds start to fear the date. We start to associate the fear with the date, when in reality it isn't the date that we fear, as it is, the trauma, that happened. Focusing on ways to resolve the symptoms , caused from the trauma, instead of the date, would be way more productive IMO!!!!!

That is what I was trying to say. Thanks Wendy.

 

[Nicolette]

There is also this information on the forum.... [DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/showthread.php?t=6556"]Trauma Anniversaries - Fact vs Myth[/DLMURL]

 

[Anonymoose]

Ok. While I appreciate your advice (and my appreciation is, by now, wearing a bit thin), Nicolette, I don't want to read any more of it. I trust my therapist and wonder why you perceive your advice (you're not a psychiatrist or psychologist or social worker, are you?) as so far superior to that of an experienced professional that you must thrust it upon me repeatedly despite my disinterest.

 

[Anonymoose]

For those of you who wonder how I am doing, I'm feeling quite good today. I slept a lot (I've been unusually tired due to a medical condition that popped up unexpectedly) and am actually in a fairly good frame of mind. I'm accepting the inevitable occurrence of the anniversary and the likelihood that increased symptoms will occur, too. Healthy self-care seems to be just the ticket. Kava tea makes me feel much less symptomatic.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I am not defending anyone, and I am sure that Nicolette is quite capable of defending herself. But, I find what you said quite offensive. No one is trying to thrust anything upon you. What you fail to realize/remember, is that, this site is based on opinions, suggestions, and advise is given.

NO ONE has to accept this advice as *written in rock*........There is a saying that many of us here have used more than once........If you don't like a response, TAKE what you want, and LEAVE the rest behind.........

I too, think your therapist is a Twit!!!!!!!!

 

[Nicolette]

Thank you Wendy.

Anonymoose there are a few things I would like to point out to you:

• We are in Chat PTSD which is a discussion area. If you just want to tell people how you are going the best place for that, if you don't want any input from others, is a diary.

• I was genuinely interested in why your therapist thought that hanging on to an anniversary was beneficial to you and you did not respond.

• It is not appreciated when you make assumptions on my qualifications.

• While there are many good therapists out there, there are also ones not as good and you often read here that someone is thinking about changing therapists as they feel they are not progressing in the right direction.

• Obviously, as you are struggling with another anniversary, I wonder how good your therapy really is as if it was beneficial treatment you would think you would be discussing your progress and not dreading the event - as you stated you were preparing for another anniversary in your title.

• Be very careful dismissing advice and opinions given on this forum from people with real life experience just because you think they don't have initials after their name - you may be missing out on something that could change your life for the better.

• Like Wendy said, it is up to you what you take from this forum.

• FYI, I generally post from a point of wanting to help, learn or share for the benefit of all including myself. I was not pushing any points with you....I just thought the link to information may have been beneficial to you. You did not have to look at it or broaden your knowledge and perspective if you chose not to. My good intentions, while I am sorry have upset you, do not give you the right to turn around and make false assumptions in a somewhat attacking sense.

I will now stay out of this thread due to respecting your choice of not being open to others' opinions and you have the mindset that your therapist knows best. I really hope he/she does. I have now made my choice to no longer offer you my opinions or knowledge.

 

[Anonymoose]

I think that you're off the hook, Nicolette. Congratulations on making yet another opinionated post thrusting your two cents upon me. I've moved my discussion to my diary. Frankly, I'd appreciate it if you would refrain from posting there as well.