Childhood Getting spanked and striped naked waist down as a kid traumatized me

[Survivor3]

If you teach your kids right then there's never any reason for spanking. And I don't condone violence against children EVER. Some perverts use spanking as a way of gratifying their sexual perversions. That's wrong on all levels. I've tried to read all posts but skimmed some.

 

[mumstheword]

If you teach your kids right then there's never any reason for spanking. And I don't condone violence against children EVER. Some perverts use spanking as a way of gratifying their sexual perversions. That's wrong on all levels. I've tried to read all posts but skimmed some.

That's just not true. It depends on the child. Some are very, VERY, dangerously willful as young children and won't listen, no matter how much you try to explain or repeat important and life protecting truths. I speak from experience. I have a large amount of children and my last child, was extremely violent and out of control, as a very small child, he would attack me in rages, when thwarted and it was only when, I, finally, gave him a slap, not on his face, or his bottom, I smacked his leg, quite firmly, that I finally was able to get through to him. I also had to restrain him for his out of control tantrums.

He took many years of firm boundaries and luckily I had a strong man, to help me, but, my child has now said to me "mum, I would have become a psychopath, if it wasn't for you, you taught me good morals. You are a good person and you made me want to be a good person".

He is now a, really, really sensible, mature and reasonable teenager, and that's saying something, because I live in a town where a large proportion of young people end up as drug addicts, drug dealers, etc. And yet my kid spurns that subculture and wants to further his education, get a good job and travel to other countries.

The truth is, a timely slap, for some extremely unreasonable small children, along with lots of fair, firm boundaries and mature parenting can save a child from becoming a undisciplined, disrespectful, out of control and spoilt narcissist.

It's all about creating strong personal boundaries that you need to be willing to enforce if necessary, in order to teach your children that not all behaviour is permissible, that other people have strength, limits, courage, and that you need to respect that and not behave in an anti social manner.

Lots of children will never need a smack, thank goodness, and abuse in any form is just wrong and inexcusable and no one should let themselves or other's off the hook, but it's all about context, and speaking from experience, not all smacking is wrong or bad, it's a consequence, but, I believe, only with extreme limits and for extreme behaviours that can't be reformed through dialogue.

Just be sure not to be a giant hypocrite and to earn your children's trust and respect and you should never need to go there after that one time, when they are being completely out of control and hurting themselves and/or other's. And not, with anger or bullying, of course. I am, very much, not a bully, with my children, or anybody.

 

[somerandomguy]

Oh dear. I don't want to sidetrack this thread, but I completely agree with @Survivor3 in that there is never a reason to strike a child.

Maybe some kids will be hit or spanked and end up totally ok ... but some absolutely will not. And there's no way to find out which ones will be ok with it and which ones won't be ok with it until it's far too late to do anything about it.

Zero tolerance for hitting and spanking kids. And shouting at them is also problematic, but I'm not willing to go zero tolerance on that one yet because, to be honest, I still do that.

@mums, Here's my "but." I guess if I were going to condone hitting a child in any way, it would be with your protocol of a completely out of control child, and only a single time.

 

[Serendipity26]

That's just not true. It depends on the child. Some are very, VERY, dangerously willful as young children and won't listen, no matter how much you try to explain or repeat important and life protecting truths. I speak from experience. I have a large amount of children and my last child, was extremely violent and out of control, as a very small child, he would attack me in rages, when thwarted and it was only when, I, finally, gave him a slap, not on his face, or his bottom, I smacked his leg, quite firmly, that I finally was able to get through to him. I also had to restrain him for his out of control tantrums.

He took many years of firm boundaries and luckily I had a strong man, to help me, but, my child has now said to me "mum, I would have become a psychopath, if it wasn't for you, you taught me good morals. You are a good person and you made me want to be a good person".

He is now a, really, really sensible, mature and reasonable teenager, and that's saying something, because I live in a town where a large proportion of young people end up as drug addicts, drug dealers, etc. And yet my kid spurns that subculture and wants to further his education, get a good job and travel to other countries.

The truth is, a timely slap, for some extremely unreasonable small children, along with lots of fair, firm boundaries and mature parenting can save a child from becoming a undisciplined, disrespectful, out of control and spoilt narcissist.

It's all about creating strong personal boundaries that you need to be willing to enforce if necessary, in order to teach your children that not all behaviour is permissible, that other people have strength, limits, courage, and that you need to respect that and not behave in an anti social manner.

Lots of children will never need a smack, thank goodness, and abuse in any form is just wrong and inexcusable and no one should let themselves or other's off the hook, but it's all about context, and speaking from experience, not all smacking is wrong or bad, it's a consequence, but, I believe, only with extreme limits and for extreme behaviours that can't be reformed through dialogue.

Just be sure not to be a giant hypocrite and to earn your children's trust and respect and you should never need to go there after that one time, when they are being completely out of control and hurting themselves and/or other's. And not, with anger or bullying, of course. I am, very much, not a bully, with my children, or anybody.

It is freaking true, explain why some people like me grow up liking pain. And spanking is obviously sexual in general since the bum is an erogenous zone. Why do people end up with spanking fetishes and mine started early. I know it did because I was young age of 5 when I started hitting myself. It’s sad but it’s true and it’s whether unintentional or not it happens. That’s probably why some people are dead set against it. And sorry if this was a lot I’m just now learning to acknowledge and accept my actual feelings about what happened to me so full story.. in the end spanking did way more harm than good and people like you should probably think about that before you post on a thread like this!

 

[Friday]

people like you should probably think about that before you post on a thread like this!

Actually? Challenging cognitive distortions (there’s never any reason...) & sharing one’s own experiences to illustrate/counterpoint, are both common & encouraged here. Especially as people with PTSD form connections that simply aren’t there. (Like a pretty dress = rape, or more on point with this discussion? All forms of disciplining a child = abuse, all discipline = sexual, parents only have children in order to abuse them, etc.). As we all/most of us have PTSD, or love someone who does? We’ve most of us also struggled with All or Nothing thinking, Generalizing, Labelling & Mislabeling, and other cognitive distortions & core beliefs. Being supportive looks a lot of different ways for different people, and it doesn’t always mean agreeing with them.

From our Community Constitution

Community Personality

MyPTSD's personality ranges widely within a candid, empathetic, challenging, yet supportive membership. Diversity is the spice of life, and this community respects diverse opinions. A community philosophy often read here is "use what helps you, and ignore the rest."

 

[Serendipity26]

Actually? Challenging cognitive distortions (there’s never any reason...) & sharing one’s own experiences to illustrate/counterpoint, are both common & encouraged here. Especially as people with PTSD form connections that simply aren’t there. (Like a pretty dress = rape, or more on point with this discussion? All forms of disciplining a child = abuse, all discipline = sexual, parents only have children in order to abuse them, etc.). As we all/most of us have PTSD, or love someone who does? We’ve most of us also struggled with All or Nothing thinking, Generalizing, Labelling & Mislabeling, and other cognitive distortions & core beliefs. Being supportive looks a lot of different ways for different people, and it doesn’t always mean agreeing with them.

From our Community Constitution

That wasn’t what I was saying. I was saying sometimes it is sexual which people hate to admit. I know it was for me and it has literally messed up a lot in my life, relationships, let alone healing because most people would probably not take me seriously if I actually spoke up about it. I’m just tired of people like that acting like it’s nothing when I’m reality it is something and can be harmful

 

[Friday]

I’m just tired of people like that acting like it’s nothing when I’m reality it is something and can be harmful

For sure. Abuse is abuse, and it often has profound & far reaching consequences.

Are you aware, though, that the person you were quoting was responding to this (below)?

If you teach your kids right then there's never any reason for spanking.

Mums was challenging THAT statement, & illustrating how even children from the same family/in the same house, respond to different forms of discipline in different ways / there wasn’t any one/best way to discipline ALL her kids... instead they each needed different types of discipline, suited to their unique personalities & dispositions...not anything you yourself had said, nor that spanking going beyond reasoned and reasonable discipline, into abuse-territory, is ever warranted or justified.

 

[Gamereign555]

My brother and I experienced this has small children often at the same time. We were also hit with a belt. I would experience many other things in my life later on one of which would result in my onset. Therapy definitely pinpointed being stripped down from the waist and hit with the belt as traumatic.

I remember the strange warm but ghostly feeling that would wash over my face and the uneasiness I would feel. A couple of years later when I was molested on a school bus I got the same exact feeling.

And way way later when I was about 20 years old and actually had the courage to finally initiate sexual activity with a friend, I had the same warm ghostly feeling wash over me combined with a mix of dissociation. It took everything in me to push that aside so that I could finally attempt to be a normal person and connect with another human being on such a personal level.

The abuse I suffered as a child stripped me of my self-confidence. Of course I should probably mention I was locked in the bedroom all the time and was excluded from family activities because I was not child by blood from my stepfather.

Fact is, everyone experiences some tramatic things in their life even if only perceived as such. These things compound onto one another. For me, being treated by yet another stepfather in such a way, I felt demeaned and lacking self-confidence of any kind, I was quiet and terrible at initiating conversation and expression of very basic things like anger. It took a very long time for me to attempt to lead a normal life. We may not be able to control everything our children may experience as traumatic but we can damn well stop ourselves from hitting our children and stripping them of their dignity.

 

[mumstheword]

I never condoned smacking a child on their bottom. I think it is wrong and child abuse. It was done to me and, I agree, it is harmful. I don't think my post was read properly.

I am a mother. Of 7 children. They are mostly adults now. I speak from experience. It is easy for people who don't have the experience to moralize and make declarations.

Things aren't black and white though.

I don't yell at my children. I don't shame them. They get boundaries though. It's just not cut and dried.

Occasionally, a little boy, maybe more so, than girls, needs a VERY firm boundary. It could save his life. It is only if he won't, won't, won't, listen to important life preserving information, only to get his attention. Once would be the most needed, at a certain age, for silly, boys who are out of control and are bullies themselves (in most cases).

Many little boys will be of the temperament that any bodily force will NEVER be necessary and will ONLY be harmful, but not all.

So, yes, I agree, bottom spanking is bad. Humiliating. Wrong. But, occasionally, a timely smack will save a young man a lot of future pain and the development of terrible life long disrespect habits.

 

[Gamereign555]

I never condoned smacking a child on their bottom. I think it is wrong and child abuse. It was done to me and, I agree, it is harmful. I don't think my post was read properly.

I am a mother. Of 7 children. They are mostly adults now. I speak from experience. It is easy for people who don't have the experience to moralize and make declarations.

Things aren't black and white though.

I don't yell at my children. I don't shame them. They get boundaries though. It's just not cut and dried.

Occasionally, a little boy, maybe more so, than girls, needs a VERY firm boundary. It could save his life. It is only if he won't, won't, won't, listen to important life preserving information, only to get his attention. Once would be the most needed, at a certain age, for silly, boys who are out of control and are bullies themselves (in most cases).

Many little boys will be of the temperament that any bodily force will NEVER be necessary and will ONLY be harmful, but not all.

So, yes, I agree, bottom spanking is bad. Humiliating. Wrong. But, occasionally, a timely smack will save a young man a lot of future pain and the development of terrible life long disrespect habits.

No no you are good. I think I read it and it struck a chord. I think I was venting to that end. I know you never would.

 

[Ronin]

Speaking as kid? Often, ugly looks, conveying death threats, were infinitely worse than smacked on the butt (that was an eeasy day.)

Speaking as a parent? There can be contexts *none* of that is abusive, but saving the kids' life.

But then, I parented kids through wars, gangland, similar.

Leaving them to be shot, instead of smacking them hard and dragging them home / shelter, would be abusive. Fatally.

People so often miss out context is everything.

Do I flip out at parents irresponsible with kids & arms? Yes.
Do I think none parent should teach kids self defense? No.

Grabbing not spanking, same own trauma vs discipline delineation, examples.

Not all X action in all contexts, is abuse.
How and by who and what is done and to who and why makes all the difference.

 

[Serendipity26]

For sure. Abuse is abuse, and it often has profound & far reaching consequences.

Are you aware, though, that the person you were quoting was responding to this (below)?



Mums was challenging THAT statement, & illustrating how even children from the same family/in the same house, respond to different forms of discipline in different ways / there wasn’t any one/best way to discipline ALL her kids... instead they each needed different types of discipline, suited to their unique personalities & dispositions...not anything you yourself had said, nor that spanking going beyond reasoned and reasonable discipline, into abuse-territory, is ever warranted or justified.

Actually no I didn’t realize that.

For sure. Abuse is abuse, and it often has profound & far reaching consequences.

Are you aware, though, that the person you were quoting was responding to this (below)?



Mums was challenging THAT statement, & illustrating how even children from the same family/in the same house, respond to different forms of discipline in different ways / there wasn’t any one/best way to discipline ALL her kids... instead they each needed different types of discipline, suited to their unique personalities & dispositions...not anything you yourself had said, nor that spanking going beyond reasoned and reasonable discipline, into abuse-territory, is ever warranted or justified.

i was aware that Mums was challenging that response but I ended up getting triggered and angry and probably posted something I shouldn’t have. Sorry for the rant. I honestly didn’t even read her full post but skimmed through it and it seemed like she was saying a hit can be the difference of making a psychopath and a model citizen which I am learning is certainly not the case with my kids but lots of pro spammers love that argument as well as the I’m thankful for my parents doing it to me or I would’ve probably ended up a criminal. It’s f lame and I’m tired of the arguments and really want something done! I practically have an unwanted fetish for this and I’m tired of people laughing or not taking me serious or thinking I’m crazy about it. Trauma is supposed to be something you should feel justified in talking about and it seems like mine in the real world not in this site is unjustified.. (although I haven’t told anyone but my therapist - judging from the pro- spammers arguments it’s pretty clear) Mums I’m sorry for going off on a tirade.