Relationship Getting Through Another 'i Need Space, It's Not You' Time.

[knj2015]

So, my soldier is needing space again. It's been awhile since he's done this. We were living together and I thought it was going well. I came home friday to him sitting on the couch waiting for me because he had moved out. At least he gave me that. He told me he really loves me and wants to make this work. He spent time with me Saturday and we talked. He has so much personal stuff going on that he says he needs to do it the only way he knows how....he moved in with his parents because he said he can just be and no outside pressures. I didn't even realize I was pressuring him. My heart is completely broken although he said we'd have some sort of contact every day. He had an emotional day and was supposed to come by this afternoon. He told me he couldn't he needed to think. But he had also said he'd come over for an hour just earlier. We talked on the phone a bit and he said he'd try to come still but I haven't heard from him. It's hard not to be clingy. I wasn't that way when he lived there and he knows that. The big change is he's been so depressed and it's jeopardized his job. Then he's having issues with his daughters. The big one is he has orders to deploy. I guess it just got moved up to March and he didn't think I could handle it and that is why he left. However, when we talked I told him that I had been doing a bunch of research and mentally preparing myself for it. That I tried to talk to him about it but got sidetracked and didn't get back to it. I asked why I didn't say that before. But it's a done deal and he's not moving back in....'it could happen down the road'. I'm just afraid I'll lose him forever. We've been together 2 1/2 years now. I love him so much. I'm scared. If something huge happens at work, it would set him back even more. He lets outside things weigh him down. I'm lost.

 

[knj2015]

So, my soldier is needing space again. It's been awhile since he's done this. We were living together...

I meant he asked why I didn't tell him I was mentally preparing myself for him being deployed. I'm just so afraid we won't resolve this before he is supposed to deploy in May. :(

 

[Friday]

My impulse is to say don't try & resolve anything before March. Truly. Just enjoy each other for the month or two you have. Problems can wait until he comes back. Nothing you could possibly work on would have the time and space to become normal/routine even without a deployment that's going to shake everything up for the next several months/year and some. Adding in 6-18mo overseas? Pfft. Everything is going to be new (even old problems will have new colors added) when he returns. So you've got a month or two, minus a few weeks right before when everything starts locking down, to play. Play. Enjoy it. Screw 'we need to talk' & fighting & 'I'm concerned' & 'have you thought about' & just enjoy what you've got.

 

[knj2015]

Thank-you. I do want to enjoy our time together. One thing we did was cuddle and talk with no reserve. Pure honesty without worrying if we hurt each others' feelings. He said if he moved back in that one rule he wanted was for us to do that regularly. Because it had gotten to where we worked our puzzles on our laptops and watched TV. We didn't really talk much. So far, we haven't fought and have done a lot of talking. He's always been flighty. I think even before he got PTSD. He's so afraid of being hurt for whatever reasons. I've tried to be consistent and loving. But over the course of the relationship, he has gotten overwhelmed with outside stuff and shut me out by ending it. Then he'd be right back. That's like his goto when he's overwhelmed. Since we moved in together in November, he hasn't done that. He's gone the longest he ever has without freaking out.