Supporter Girlfriend Of Deployed Combat Vet With Ptsd

[TanyaB]

My boyfriend is currently deployed to Afghanistan for 9 months (3 months remaining). We have been dating for 14 months now. When he was back in the US, everything was great. He was kind and attentive and very loving. I only began to suspect that he may have had PTSD after meeting his family who said that they felt that they had the old A back. He was a changed person after meeting me. I was sad to learn that he was deploying for a fourth time. This is not a new lifestyle to me, I am also in the military. We knew that we would be able to get through it.

After a month of him being deployed, I would hear less and less from him. We had a big fight a couple of months ago because he showed no interest in my life or in his dog that I was watching. He said that he wanted to see pictures of me and of what I was doing so I took more photos and sent more emails. I never got a response or received any comments back. Before he left he was on Facebook all the time commenting on things and pictures of mine. Now, he never comments on anything. Not even posts that I tag him in. He will still comment on his friends posts. I felt like I was doing something wrong. That everything was my fault. So as he started to build his walls and retreat into himself, I ran after him trying to pull him back. Of course, this didn't work.

We just had another fight. He takes things that I say and turns them around and gets so angry that no matter what I say, it does no good. We haven't talked for a couple of days now. I'm not sure where our relationship will go but when I met him I knew that he was meant for me. It is hard not to blame myself, maybe I could have done more.

I have finally realized that I need to make myself stronger. Learn more about PTSD. Stop pushing and let him make the first move to talk to me again. Any help or advice I would really appreciate. Although I have been around Soldiers with PTSD, this is a new one for me. To watch someone that you love just pull away and fall apart in front of you.

Thanks

 

[I'll make tea]

Welcome to the board!
I hope you find lots of information and encouragement here.

I do not want to offend you but I do not think it is a good thing you post your whole name as well as his first name here unless he is okay with that. He might feel betrayed by that + your making yourself very vulnerable as everybody can read what you are writing here.

In my country they for example precaution the women whose loved ones currently serve in Afghanistan to write about it online unless they cannot be identified.

 

[MSMiller]

I hate to tell you but it won't get any easier and unless you are strong enough to deal with the roller coaster ride then you should get off of the ride now. The ones with PTSD are damaged goods and you will have many hurtful times ahead. Since you are not married to him take a step back, learn about PTSD and better understand your needs and evaluate if he can meet them. It cannot be a one sided relationship.

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to MyPTSD forum! There is an entire section for Supporters I hope you find helpful.

 

[TanyaB]

Thank you I'll Make Tea for suggesting that I leave names out. You have not offended me. I have requested that they be deleted and will make sure I won't use them in the future.

MSMiller - I know that it won't get easier but I am willing to try because I really think that he is worth it. My biggest concern is how he will react when he is back in the US. This deployment has been very different for him because he actually does not feel like Soldiers have a purpose where he is at. He is incredibly angry. I am incredibly thankful that there have been no losses of Soldiers where he is to further complicate things. I am sure that everything is resurfacing from his prior deployments just by being away from home and having his freedom taken away and constantly being on alert.

I think that if I get a better understanding of how PTSD affects people and what some of the triggers are, I will be better prepared to deal with this and potentially help him some help through counseling. But, I could just be naive at this point. I am not sure that I would classify a PTSD sufferer as damaged goods.

 

[I'll make tea]

I am not an expert but I think the triggers differ from person to person.
I heard that crowds and loud noises often are the most common triggers... and this is the case in my husband too.

There are lots of wifes of Vets in the supporters section and I hope you find some useful information there.

 

[TanyaB]

Thank you all for your support. I heard from him yesterday. He just says that he is angry and frustrated all the time. I explained to him that when he is angry at his situation, that he directs that towards me and makes me feel bad and like I am doing something wrong. No response from him on that. He is really good at changing the subject.

I will take what I can get I guess. I also told him that I am always here if he needs to talk to me but that he needs to initiate the conversation so that I don't catch him on a really bad day.

We are still taking a break and will reassess when he gets back. This will be a long 3 months!

 

[Welzbe]

Has he told anyone in the military? Just wondering because it will help with VA!!!