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going to places where you were traumatised

#37
Going to places you were traumatised is pretty good in terms of exposure therapy, if you're the one making the decision to go, and how long you go for- facing the places in a way that you control helps significantly. i'd advise you to be careful, though, ad don't spend too long lingering at any of the places unless you feel like you ABSOLUTELY can- staying too long can upset you pretty significantly, and that's never fun.
I agree!! For some strange reason I couldn’t stay at a hotel close to his grave and close to the home I grew up in. I had to drive about an hour away to stay at a hotel I felt comfortable with then the next day drive back to his grave.
the emotion of going back after 35 years brought up a lot of unexpected emotions. As a kid I didn’t feel any of the saddness around me, I just kept “working 20 hour days”!
 
#39
Yes I had to drive an hour away to sleep!! Too much of the sad past still there waiting for me to pick it up and process it. I was really surprised, I had no idea all of that pain was left there.
One of the houses was where my brother shot himself. I actually had a chance to buy the house real cheap ( two story with a pool) but I couldn't do it. Just couldn't.
 
#41
yes, last August I went back to the camp where my trauma began.
and found it to be the only place I felt really safe in 42 years,
I now see it as a piece of land that was used by bad people and
used by wonderful people now.

The experience has given me morehope. Reasons to want to live, instead
of the morbid preoccupation i had about life, my trauma took place at 2 camps
and many group homes i am now in a group home and feel safe like I did at camp
Last august.

It’s ironic that the 2 places I feel safe with my surroundings happen to be a camp
and a group home the very kind of places where my trauma took place.
Some time ago I believed I could/would never feel safe and did not care to
live.

Now I know that I can feel safe, just not everywhere. a lot has changed.
Some on this board have seen me start my initial postings with nothing
but a negative futile attitude, where I almost got kicked off the board for
posting about suicide plans I had, to where I am now with hope in my horizon.

So the answer I have to your posting is it is possible to revisit the places where
your trauma started and feel safe. Possible be the operative word. I know this
because I have, and am glad I did, I wouldn’t be able to heal if I didn’.
 
#42
By the way! Welcome to the forums Widow of One. I am a widow too! I was a widow at 46. Gawd, it was the worse thing I ever been through. Welcome!
Aw!! Deanna I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Fortunately, I am not a real widow - it is from an unpublished Metallica song meaning “the death of your inner self” due to abuse. I really identify with what James was saying that I use it as my moniker on many forums. It seems to sum up the way I feel since I was abused “deprived of My Inner self”. Over The last year and a half I have been really improving In terms of Connecting my body with my mind. So sorry for the confusion!!

One of the houses was where my brother shot himself. I actually had a chance to buy the house real cheap ( two story with a pool) but I couldn't do it. Just couldn't.
I am a firm believer of listen to your inner self for guidance!
 

katz

MyPTSD Pro
#43
By the way! Welcome to the forums Widow of One. I am a widow too! I was a widow at 46. Gawd, it was the worse thing I ever been through. Welcome!
Could you please tell me that name and artist of the song you're referring to in your post about being a "widow"? As I was growing up, I used to use a lot of music for my own therapy. I would love to hear these words that you mentioned in the lyrics.
 
#44
Could you please tell me that name and artist of the song you're referring to in your post about being a "widow"? As I was growing up, I used to use a lot of music for my own therapy. I would love to hear these words that you mentioned in the lyrics.
It is a unpublished song by Metallica and he is saying that he has lost his connection to himself and/or the death of his lover. The song lyric was “widower of one” I changed it to widow because I am a woman.
But it opened me up a lot emotionally and that can be exhausting at first. I beleive now it was the natural thing for me to do. I feel like i have created a new landscape back there now which is not so fear based any more..
I agree. I had emotional fallout and it was painful but it definitely helped.
 
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#45
I've been thinking about this recently.
I think because I want to remember a certain precise factual peice of the event, and maybe I think by visiting I'm going to get the answer I'm looking for?
But I'm really pleased I haven't visited my parent's home for many months, partly due to me avoiding them and then since march due to the pandemic. I think I disassociate everytime I go there. I haven't been since therapy started and I'm worried about how I will cope when I do.
 
#46
for me i went with the attitude to have fun there, and if a reconciliation takes place that’s a plus. I looked using the good experience.to replace the memory of the bad one. I get the memories all the time, so having them by being there would be nothing new. I think the key is to not go for the wrong reasons and with no expectations.
 
#47
I've been thinking about this recently.
I think because I want to remember a certain precise factual peice of the event, and maybe I think by visiting I'm going to get the answer I'm looking for?
But I'm really pleased I haven't visited my parent's home for many months, partly due to me avoiding them and then since march due to the pandemic. I think I disassociate everytime I go there. I haven't been since therapy started and I'm worried about how I will cope when I do.
I would encourage you to go. After 34 years after I lost a boy I loved i went to his grave. I didn’t have any feelings while there I was just shocked. When I drove 3 hours home I started to cry like I’ve never cried before! For about an hour I physically cried using every part of my body - I began to worry that I was having some sort of breakdown. I fell asleep and woke up and felt like “3/4 of the pain was gone”. And that the severe reaction I had was what I felt like at the time of his sudden and shocking loss.

I am basically numb all the time!!! So I don’t have a lot of emotional experiences as a guidance. But the more I thought about it the more I thought “my reaction was normal and appropriate”.

and as the months “ticked by” I started to feel a “connection” to my old “pre-22 year old self”. Let me explain, I was told by my mom in 5/87 that her dad was after her sexually. I was so upset I felt like the earth has opened up and I was falling into a hole. Many years later I read in a phsych book that that is a symptom of depression I was 22. My numbness went from 1/2 to 100% and had stayed that way ever since. Going back made me feel connected somehow to that person. I read a book by Francine Shapiro “it’s not you, it’s what happened to you” And in this book she says “the goal is to integrate the trauma into your life”. You had good times with friends and happiness it wasn’t all negative. You need to combine the two: the good and the bad into “one”. I agree with her which is why I am an advocate of “revisiting the place that the trauma occurred.” It is a tool that has worked pretty well through the years.

So the answer I have to your posting is it is possible to revisit the places where
your trauma started and feel safe. Possible be the operative word. I know this
because I have, and am glad I did, I wouldn’t be able to heal if I didn’.
I agree I am glad I did it too. For me the biggest “win” was connecting to the “pre-22” year old person that I was!
 
#48
I've been thinking about this recently.
I think because I want to remember a certain do.
Now I know that I can feel safe, just not everywhere. a lot has changed.
Some on this board have seen me start my initial postings with nothing
but a negative futile attitude, where I almost got kicked off the board for
posting about suicide plans I had, to where I am now with hope in my horizon.
Great! I had a flashback about a year ago and was surprised that inside was a suicid urge. I waited it out and the next day I felt incredible. I think when I feel suicidal that is the time when you need to journal to se what it beneath it. I personally believe that abusers are “clever, manipulative” people who understand the power of planting a “negative thiught” in a persons head so that when they are healing the seed tears it’s ugly head. Don’t panic! Don’t act upon it! Look at it! Sit down or lay down in a sleppiNg position and clear your mind - the answer will emerge. Suicide is anger/rage! Let it go! I guarantee you that if you can connect with the feeling/thought the next day you will feel better. That is what happened to me. Also I’ve been having flashbacks where I am a small child and I can not get away and I get this “sad quasi-suicidal” feeling. I have yet to “name” it “despondency” maybe? Last night I promised myself that I am going to try to connect with it instead of running. Typically when I go to bed if the somatics are too intense I get out of bed and pace for awhile. I am going to try to “meditate while laying down in my bed” I find that when I am sitting, or in bed I can connect moreso.
 
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