Good sites to "unbrainwash" or "deprogram"one self?

[lostforgottensoul]

Basically, they just "are". And, yeah, you can update and modify them without labeling them at all. There are needs that they fulfill. They have uses that have helped you survive. They have actual VALUE because they've done that. Even though I don't like them, I'm not going to say they don't have value.

Good way to explain ans look at it!

now, as an adult, in a different situation, with more and better information, I think you can find different ways to fulfill those same needs. And you might find that some of those old needs are no longer valid too.

What im hoping to do.

He is both way cool and the scariest person I know. (And he always pretends to be puzzled when I say that. LOL)

Haha! My therapist is way awesome too but i dont find him scary, not really, he's the only person in the planet that feel totally safe with.

Oh and I LOVE that he's never shocked by ANYTHING i say, ever!

Now what we talk about, terrifying as f*cking hell!

 

[scout86]

I find mine "scary" because he picks up on stuff most people don't. I'm kind of used to being able to float along, under most radar screens. Not easy with him and I'm never quite sure what's going to happen next. :confused:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

My T actually gave me :"singing along with the radio" as a homework assignment once. :confused: I still don't know what the point was. Now and then he'll ask if I'm still doing it. (I am....)

Makes you feel good. Makes your thoughts go a better path.

And for me, when Fight Song by Rachel Platten comes on (totally my song but totally over played on the radio) i feel pain...which is very good for me. So i dow loaded it on my phone & the ring tone.

Here i thought only i was the only on that got homework from my therapist every week :P

Have a good day! :)

Gonna try to keep this mood going.

A BAD snow storm down the east coast from NY to NC, i predict a bunch of calls from stupid people from those areas wondering why they have no internet lol.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I find mine "scary" because he picks up on stuff most people don't. I'm kind of used to being able to float along, under most radar screens. Not easy with him and I'm never quite sure what's going to happen next. :confused:

Sounds like my therapist & yours are brothers lol.

In addition to that, mine also reads my body laungage & stops me or gets me out of a dissassoiation.

Me no likes talking about the past so me wants to go away...

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@scout86 or anyone; i need a bit of help.

Ive been thinking about this all day, tossing it around in my head. I was gonna wait a week to ask my therapist & give the blame shift time to settle but i cant get it off my mind.

Im having a hard to knowing how to drill this down, "im bad" to a less broad one.

I can think of a millon and one bad things about me, i just dont know which one to start with, which one would be the starting point or most simple one.

I think once i start and gain momentum it will come easier.

So, i cant start w/ the rituals/punishments; that doesnt make sense since theres a ton of cult beliefs & core beliefs around it.

I cant even start w/ debunking the cult belief themselves (ex: "one must find the most evil child to sexually sacrifce to me ((god)) and to use as the sexual pleasure for all people") thats a cult belief, not a core belief and i cant answer "if thats true what does that mean about me?" to drill it down.

Even "im evil" is the same or more broad than "im bad".

I tried this in my diary before the blame shift and it took me into two different directions and im sure which direction makes more sense; or if i even did it right as the second one took me to a feeling and feelings arent supposed to be in this:

"I let them do it to me" and "i didnt refuse to kill small animals"

Means im weak? Am i doing that right? You answered the again but i cant seem to go anywhere else

Or i can answer it the way my therapist does; I was threaten if I didnt, id be punished so,

I was scared of punishments...next one leaves me with just

I was scared.

But thats a feeling, not a core belief and feelings arent supposed to be in this.

Am i thinking about this the right way?

How would anyone else drill that down?

Is it common to go into more than one direction?

Knowing what y'all know about me w/o being in my head, what would y'all start w/ to be the starting one?

Im trying, REALLY HARD but cant seem.to figure out what to start w/ and how to start it to not allow the blame to go back to me, like saying something like "im a whore of being a prostitute at 12.", a belief but then that puts the blame back on me, doesnt it?

And there are SOOOOO many...

:banghead: Im trying but this is what it feels like...

 

[scout86]

I'm not ignoring you, just been gone all day.

How about it you start by figuring out what "bad" is? You really can't decide if something is "bad" or not unless you have some criteria for sorting things in to categories, can you? And, there might be more categories than just "good and bad" too.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

How about it you start by figuring out what "bad" is? You really can't decide if something is "bad" or not unless you have some criteria for sorting things in to categories, can you? And, there might be more categories than just "good and bad" too.

I get what you're saying and that makes sense, and sounds quite easy but for some reason my brain is clouded w/ just "bad". I guess thats the conscience hidding the subconscience? Not sure how to dig into it. Or even answer the question but its too broad and way too much under it i think.

Is there like an example you can give me to help get me started on it?

Im not trying to be a pain or frustrating...just struggling w/ it.

 

[scout86]

I agree, it SOUNDS easy, but it isn't. But I think it's important. You have an automatic thing that tells you you're "bad". You've probably never questioned that. Never had any reason too and it probably wouldn't always have been safe to either. To deconstruct that automatic message, you've got to find the answers to some very basic questions. And the answers you need are YOUR answers.

Which is another point. You actually get to have your OWN answers. You don't HAVE to agree with anyone. You have a choice.

So....... What do I think makes a person a bad person? Well, someone who's mean. Who deliberately hurts others without remorse or a reason to do it. Someone who has no interest in learning and growing? Someone who doesn't care about anyone but themselves?
I would say that I don't think ignorance is bad, but I do tend to think that willful ignorance is bad.

What about you? What does "bad" mean to you, when it comes to evaluating a human being? This isn't really a right or wrong kind of deal. For all I know, in the end you might decide that you ARE a "bad person". But at least you'll understand the reasons you think that, it won't be automatic. When it comes right down to it, everyone has good and bad features within them. In some ways I'm a bad person too. In some ways, I'm not, although that's a little harder to face.

So, what is a "bad person" in your opinion?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

So, what is a "bad person" in your opinion?

Hmm, good question as i dont like describing people as bad or even features (my brain wants to tell you "me you dumb f*ck" but ignore my brain :P )

Well i liked the ones you put on there and i CAN say im none of those...YAY...PROGRESS!

I think someone that deliberatly hurts another for sure, ummm, i dont know, umm dishonesty i dont like (not sure if its a "bad person" trait though?), ummm, sigh...all that goes through my head is "ME!".

ok, trying again, someone that hurts kids most especially, someone that hurts animals, someone that spews nastiness, someone that gossips & judges others, someone that breaks trust of others repeadly, someone that cant forgive...

PEOPLE THAT STARTS CULTS AND f*ckS THEIR KIDS UP FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIFE!

me no like how this feels and i have evwn broke it down yet :(

 

[lostforgottensoul]

The problem is, i was discribing what my family does to me, i dont think im any of those. I CAN tell you some of the millons of things that i think make me a "bad" person; just was afraid if i did, it would shift blame back on me...

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@scout86 do you think if i list what i see "bad" in me then maybe i can drill it down? That seems to be the point but since blame seems to want to move back over im scared it will and i'll have to start from square one. Do you think it will?

Maybe start a thread about what i see bad in me and try to drill if down there and maybe the countering replies will help?

I dunno, just a thought...

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I feel like attempting the grieve 'my child self' again for some reason. I can feel my child self in the day and thats new too, usually im just numb in the day.

I know (somewhere deep inside) that i have to grieve her; just dont know how...