Good sites to "unbrainwash" or "deprogram"one self?

[scout86]

do you think if i list what i see "bad" in me then maybe i can drill it down?

No.

You've had years of reciting "what's bad in you". Personally, I think most of that is stuff you heard from other people, but maybe not. What I think is, you need to start at the beginning, with a definition of terms, one that works for you. Then see how the various people in your life (including you) line up with the definitions.

What you seem to be doing now is defining yourself as "bad" and going from there. To decide how "bad" you actually are, first you need to know what "bad" is. Then you can compare yourself to that.

I know it's hard. Sadly, that's just the way this works. For right now, my suggestion would be to set "what's bad about you" aside and focus on what seems like it's actually "bad".

And, I'd say there's a lot of truth in the fact that some of the people in your past fit "bad" a lot better than you do. They fit the definition because that's what they were.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

For right now, my suggestion would be to set "what's bad about you" aside and focus on what seems like it's actually "bad".

That makes sense. Define what it is so i CAN pick our what i can see is bad about me OR maybe that will help me to see that it was what was/is bad about them & not me (since blame has been shifted).

 

[lostforgottensoul]

No.

You've had years of reciting "what's bad in you". Personally, I think most of that is stuff you he...

I probably shouldnt of posted:

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/just...that-makes-me-want-to-do-the-dog-thing.59012/

But the entire purpose was to get it out of my head and NOT do the ritual. I feel if i do things in the dark then i wont get better.

Sigh...i dont know...

Im trying SOOOO hard but feeling frustrated at myself again...

 

[scout86]

I think feeling frustrated is part of the process for most people too. :)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I think feeling frustrated is part of the process for most people too. :)

I need to learn to take what helps and leave the rest.

A few of the replies helped, rest didnt and i felt for some reason that i needed the forum to know...get it out of the shadows as you cant change what you dont acknowlege.

I dont know. One step at a time and certantly nothing is gonna change immeditely.

Wish you could give me a hug and tell me everyfhing is gonna be alright!

 

[scout86]

Wish you could give me a hug and tell me everyfhing is gonna be alright!

"Everything will be alright" is one of my mottos, even when I don't believe it. But I'm not a big "hugger". Sorry!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

"Everything will be alright" is one of my mottos, even when I don't believe it. But I'm not a big "hugge...

I dont like to be touched in real life either but still long for a hig. But its ok...just hurting inside is all...

 

[joeylittle]

A few of the replies helped, rest didn't and i felt for some reason that i needed the forum to know

This observation is really important. Can you take that apart a little bit, why you thought the forum 'needed' to know?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

This observation is really important. Can you take that apart a little bit, why you thought the forum 'needed' to know?

I dont know if i fully know, just luke somewhere deep inside i feel i need to grieve my inner child self, i felt deep inside, needed accountabilty for it and bring it out of the shadows and not do it in secert.

And i waa gonna try to grieve my child self again but seeing how it upset everyone (im not stupid, i know who most if not all are talking about) and apparently I upset everyone, i dont know...

 

[lostforgottensoul]

This observation is really important. Can you take that apart a little bit, why you thought the foru...

I was also looking for good ways to stop w/ getting rid of the dog that i do love

 

[joeylittle]

And i waa gonna try to grieve my child self again but seeing how it upset everyone (im not stupid, i know who most if not all are talking about) and apparently I upset everyone, i dont know...

Just want to remind you, something that I think @scout86 mentioned - words matter. You're actually talking about some number of people, probably less than 10, out of perhaps 500 people who are online reading and responding on the site.

Can you correct the language? What would be more accurate, as a way to describe the individuals you upset? Names aren't relevant, just numbers.

I dont know if i fully know, just luke somewhere deep inside i feel i need to grieve my inner child self, i felt deep inside, needed accountabilty for it and bring it out of the shadows and not do it in secert.

I think you're making sense of this. You wanted to be heard, hoping that being heard would give you some emotional relief.

This is a really common, normal thing for anyone with trauma. For people who also have Borderline Personality Disorder, being able to regulate your emotions while you are telling your story is a very important thing. One of the main symptoms of Borderline is to experience desperation and panic when you tell your story, whether you are being heard or not. If people are hearing, the desperation will show up in how painful it is to express these things - that's what I think you are meaning when you say 'grieve your inner child'.

Panic sets in when you think people are rejecting your story - and that's where the 'everyone is upset with me' kind of thinking comes in.

Emotional regulation is a really important skill for people with Borderline. Distress Tolerance is the other one that you would find useful. Both of these are in DBT, and you can read about them here: http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/

I think if you work on both of those for a bit, before you really try and grieve, it will help you still feel the things you want to feel, but without the suffering that goes along with becoming overwhelmed.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Just want to remind you, something that I think @scout86 mentioned - words matter....

Have i told you how much i like you?

I dont allow for human error, ever. I dont think i ever have.

I think i display Borderline symthoms more than anything else. The biggest thing, and it is also not just a BPD thing but very true in my life, fear of abanadonment.

It seems harder when you dont have any real life support. I think you told me you dont either. How were you able to get past that horrible feeling?

I think just being bullied in school causes this "i dont fit in anywhere" self talk.

My brain gets stuck and it helps A LOT to be reminded, so thank you!

I shouldnt of been reading it, i knew better, and i know i knew better cuz last couple of days ive been skipping things that set off triggers.

I get back into bad habits easy, in real life too.

I really long for people to understand, i think its why i do it a lot. I think maybe if stems from my family? I dunno but the entire time ive been in therapy ive always wanted, longed for someone, but him, to understand...but didnt realize i had expressed that much emotional turmoil. I never re-read it after fixing typos cuz i was afraid of it causing me to do it.

I hate my auto stuck thoughts.

I do need to grieve my inner child but will work on those things you suggested. It wasnt coming out well anyway. Ive been atrempting this since almost the whole time ive been here.

Thank you for reminding me that i do have other diagnosis that plays a part to.

And thank you for being there for me! It means a lot! :hug: