Googling your therapist

[Scarlet13]

So there was a therapist that I did this with a while back and I had seen her only once or twice but did see her fb page and it was not a big deal.

But this is a big deal because of my attachment issues.
I know I need to process this with her but am scared to.
I cannot be the first person who has done this and I did move on after seeing the fb page like I closed the tab but I keep feeling like I crossed a boundary and feel really shitty and scared to tell her.
I don't think she'd dismiss me over this, but she may, I don't know.
Maybe this whole thing is some kind of weird trauma reenactment like I WANT her to dismiss me.
I just have info now like I know her maiden name and what her family looks like and its all freaking me out.
This attachment is very hard to deal with.

 

[Ronin]

So... she is a person with her own life, beyond being your therapist.

Why is it an issue? :) Not like you are doing anything wrong by checking the information she put out there for everyone to see / does not mind others seeing. And you are not using that information in any wrong way, either, nor planning on it.

 

[Scarlet13]

I dont know why its an issue.
My attachment issues make me really f*cked up.
I am terrefied this is going to make her uncomfortable.
But I am always afraid she will reject me.

 

[grit]

Your fear is valid. Your feelings of jealousy and feelings of like you might be thought as a stalker are also valid. Truthfully.
But this where I want to bring a bit of objective reality to your fears. and objective reality is sort of farce cause really what is that right?

Your therapist knows you. She should be able to figure or ask you questions about why you did this? are you looking for ways not to trust her? to sabotage your therapy? to scare her so she terminates you? All these and more are ways she can gauge what motivated you. Only you if you dig deeper and her and her knowledge of your situation can determine the underlying issues that could be explored and dealt with.

if her FB was open, I hardly think that is a breach!

If she terminates you without proper treatment just because in a dark moment you looked her just like a lot of people do about ex or last booty call(if they still exist)...no biggie. but if she lets you go because of this, I will side with she was not as a good therapist as you thought and probably your looking up were justified and your body was telling you something. you know why? Cause you did not do anything wrong and you shared and she has become punitive. and this is the last thing you need.

If you tell her as you have here. I am sorry. I looked you up when I was struggling (insert real feelings here) and I realised I should not and I feel guilty or (enter a real feeling here) so I thought I will tell you and maybe you can help me explore why I would do such a thing? Any therapist who dumps you if you frame it similar is not worth the money you pay her!

but again I am saying this from my couch here...so what do I know? It is risk to take it though or maybe if you can...and this is a long shot. talk to another therapist or group and see what they recommend or maybe you will get over it and reach an alignment inside of you and it is no longer necessary to share.

 

[Scarlet13]

No I need to share because especially after the second time of looking at her fb page it really messed me up.
So I just dont like being the crazy, needy patient. She will prob adjust her settings better now because of me.

 

[NightSky]

You’re making a lot of assumptions. First things first, if she didn’t want to be found, she wouldn’t have a profile. My mom has been a T for 20+ years and she has a fb profile with zero pics of herself AND a fake name. So she can keep up with grankid pics. But she cannot be found. Anyone who doesn’t want to be found, won’t.
Second, there is absolutely nothing wrong with googling her, wanting to see her picture, feeling like that helps you see her as real. This is just not something unusual or something to be ashamed about.
Mt T told me a story once. She had a client who was “in love with her” and apparently this client wrote a love poem and read it to my T and then said she was ready for that to be their last session, since she knew it wasn’t acceptable. And my T asked her what say SHE got in the matter, and that this was not a cause for ending their work. But the client was so convinced before she went in there, because it was unimaginable that this could be considered okay.
If your T is any good, she will not only understand, but she probably wont be bothered by it at all. Have some compassion for yourself.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think that society goes overboard with the notion of Facebook “stalking”......which isn’t really stalking in the true sense of the word if people put their profiles out there for the world to see, ie Facebook stalking a crush, an ex, etc.

Think of it like this.

When people have social media profiles, they are essentially advertising themselves, they WANT to be seen. (Just ask anyone under the age of 25/30.)

Feeling like a stalker for looking at a public profile is like feeling bad for looking at a billboard every time you drive down a particular street.

Ok, so it’s a little different in that you have to seek out someone’s profile, but both the profile AND the billboard are EQUALLY accessible by the public. And if you want to get technical, if you want to see that exact billboard, you still have to seek it out by driving down one particular street.... The street is public, the internet is public.

In this sense, there’s nothing wrong with the action of looking at her profile.

 

[blackemerald1]

it is impinging on my therapy.

Why? What is this knowledge doing to you?

 

[MyWillow]

I dont know why its an issue.
My attachment issues make me really f*cked up.
I am terrefied this is going to make her uncomfortable.
But I am always afraid she will reject me.

That’s some harsh words you’re using there.

“My attachment issues are understandable given my experiences but I can reassure myself that I am safe and the adult me can take charge - listen, learn and love.”

(Pot. Kettle. Black. by the way but I’m really trying xxx)

 

[CelticHarp]

Do you know where she lives and show up at her house to look in the windows?
Do you show up at places where you will run into her, repeat?
Do you harass her with phone calls or send threats in the mail?

This is what stalking is.

Googling her is a way to find out things about her. It is a way to get closer. Not the best way, but it is not illegal.

 

[Bry]

I have done this, twice and it made me feel the exact same way. I had full blown panic attacks over how I would appear. I barely saw much either, it was a two minute browse followed by two hours of googling "if someone could know if you searched them". Nothing came of it that I know, as I finished, and I don't know if they ever knew.

I never google any ex that I actually "liked" for fear of what I might see, but curiosity got the better of me in that innocent situation and transference was high to put it midly - erotic.

My friend took me shopping once another time on the far side of town, I'd only been there once, and low and behold who do I see! I nearly fainted, ran out of the centre as fast as I could. They didn't see me again but I would have looked like an extreme stalker lol
So I can't really do therapy now. :/ I hope your feelings ease out on it. I just wanted to share that I would be the exact same as you. Best of luck.

 

[Friday]

People run into each other. It happens.