Gotta Get Those Comments In.....

[mg4343]

Had been talking with this woman i met on a dating wbsite for a little while and we decided to meet up for a drink the other day. I had been looking forward to this as being a med student it isn't too often I can fit stuff like this into my schedule! She had known I was in the Army for 4 years as a medic with 2 deployments to Iraq.

Not long into the conversation out of nowhere she was like "I guess I should tell you that I have a couple friends who dated or married guys who were in the service and they got a little crazy when they came back. One guy killed my friends cat and then another time was strangling her in the night during a dream. Pretty messed up huh?"

What? First, why would you "feel you have to tell me" this? Is she afraid I am going to field dress and eat her dogs in the night? Or maybe she is concerned. If so, why meet? Needless to say, the night didn't last long after that as i tried to wrap things up. She seemed super nice up until then and it wasn't said in a malicious way, but definitely in a way where she came off as sounding clueless.

I know we have all had similar experiences to this with strangers in one situation or another. But I am still dumbfounded as to what would possess a stranger to bring that up like it was nothing to me?

I think this one is going to bug me for a while, just from the sheer stupidity.

 

[Jimmy1]

Mate, first of all welcome. An intro would be nice, but I suppose you gave some info at the start. Who did you serve with?? We are a skeptical bunch from all over the globe on here.

In answer to your question, PTSD is no longer as hidden as it used to be. It has been on documentaries, news reports and with the war on terror going on for so long, just about everybody knows somebody with PTSD, in particular, soldiers who were not the same when they left.

If you search through the threads, there should be one in relation to when is the best time to bring up that you have PTSD. I was up front with my current partner, where as others turned tail and ran.

So in a way, she was asking??

Hope this was useful

Jimmy

 

[mg4343]

Sorry about that. Served with the 3d armored CAV in Iraq from 05-06 and then with 1BCT 3rd ID in Ramadi 07-08.
Honestly I don't know what she was getting at like I said. I think it was just an unintelligent comment. It's bad enough I have to go to school with people everyday who think a crisis is when the Internet goes out somewhere or they have to walk 20 feet in the rain, but I wasn't expected to get blindsided by a random comment about someone's friend who was physically assaulted by a vet.

 

[Jimmy1]

Mate, as a matter of interest, how long have you been diagnosed with PTSD?? It will never change.

We have had many a rant over how trivial society is. Our brothers and sisters are dying for their country and small minded people are going about whining because the line at the post office was too long. Don't get me started.

In all fairness to women, my wife left me and I don't blame her. She said I never returned from East Timor in 2002, only a small part of me did, and what was left was lost in Iraq in 06. I was not the person she fell in love with or married. So when I did the PTSD course she came along as a support person. When she found out how bad at times the symptoms could be, she decided she could not do it. f*cked hey???

It takes a special type of partner, and I say this as we have both male and female vets on here. Anyway, it takes that type with really thick skin. My current fiance has copped my outbursts before, but I am by far not as bad as I was in 07/08. It does get better, but it takes work to manage it.

It probably was not a real good conversation starter, by her, but she let you know where she stood.

Did you tell her you have PTSD????

 

[mg4343]

Since late 2008. No, I didn't tell her because we really didn't know each other that well and it wasn't going to be something I was going to just offer up. I have been lucky though, more than some people I know, where I have had a number of people to help me out with stuff. It's just hard when you have certain expectations and something like that happens. I was just kind of starting to get back in to dating after a long hiatus after a serious relationship, and she was actually understanding juts in the end weren't really right for each other.

But you're right, brother. Listening to people bitch about that small bullshit can really get to you, but then again from your story i can't really relate to that type of situation either.

 

[Jimmy1]

After my divorce, I treated all women like shit, used them.

Then when I wanted to bring someone good in my life, I got psycho's. I one chick who was a liar and a thief, another one which was a closet alcoholic, another psycho bitch. In the end I gave up and just worked on myself and stopped looking and wham, now I have my darling Margaret.

Its society mate. You will see a lot of conversations on here about it. The over commercialising of Christmas and the other holidays. People in a hurry to go no where. Kids with no respect. That is why the majority of us just want to isolate and get the f*ck out of Dodge.

But to the serious side. I met a really nice lady once and we were seeing each other for nearly three months and then I told her that I had PTSD and what the ramifications were. I had to be honest. She turned tail and ran for the hills.

So, my advice, once you think the relationship might have some legs to it, I reckon you have to spill the beans. Give her a printout of one of the articles on here.

Link Removed

or

Link Removed

Your choice really.

Its just my opinion and opinions are like arseholes, everybody has one.

 

[Fargo1]

Greetings Mg4343,

Been there brother. When I finally hit the wall, my girl ran like a gazelle. She came back a couple of times but in the end she just could not deal with me and the Beast and was not willing to stand by my side during the healing. What can you do? I have been hitting the therapy hard for the last eight months and I feel it getting better...but the Beast still creeps in and when he does.....

Anyway, I met a woman now and I decided to fill her in right away. Forewarned is forearmed, right? Fear is a result of the unknown. We are still at the beginning and deciding what/how to proceed. But she asked all kinds of questions where I thought WTF!? Are you serious? But I try to remember how I was flailing about before I admitted that the Beast sat on my shoulder. She really has no clue what she is getting herself into, and is justifiably scared/worried about it. So I thought I can either let the Beast control me, or I could control the Beast. I read the links that Jimmy put up to her one night with explanations of how it effects me (that I am aware of anyway). She started to see the picture. She went to my therapist and talked with her. She got a little more of the picture. Her response: I think you are so much more than PTSD and you are worth getting to know....f*ck me. That was huge.

So what I am trying to say is, if you hit it off with her, perhaps you should consider having a really tough conversation with her about it. What you see as f*cked up might just be her fear taking a hold and making her do stupid shit. Or she might just be a stupid shit...Who knows?

Fargo

 

[Jimmy1]

Awesome Fargo, your right. Any new partner has to have that choice. Sometimes Margaret hates the cows. I call PTSD 'My Cows'. Inside Joke. Basically I say its like the cows are stampeding around in my head and ruining everything.

She tries hard to understand and that is all I can ask. I am even planning on trying to get on another PTSD course next year sometime, so I can go over the things that were once taught to me and also learn the new stuff.
You see, back when I did my original course in 07, I still used to smoke pot and drink a whole lot of bourbon.
The other good part is that Margaret will be able to take part in the partner program side of things and learn about PTSD from trained psychiatrists and psychologists.