Sexual Assault Grasping my age is a struggle

[Amcam]

Hello, I am a 28 year old stay at home mom. I gave birth to my 1st child and I take good care her, but I am struggling with something that I thought would work itself out. When I was 17, I got talked into having sex with my sisters boyfriend, who later became her husband. I trusted him enough to take me home, but he drove into the outskirts of town and started pressuring me for sex. I kept telling him it was a bad idea, but after him driving around for a while I finally let out a very reluctant yes. It was the beginning of my 1st mental breakdown and the start of self harming and wishing so badly that I was dead. The guilt haunted me and I was extremely regretful. For About 5 years, I didn’t tell my sister,but at 26 she finally got my confession and only blames him (he was a bad person, who abused her verbally and physically)

My main point is because of this bad event that happened when I was still trying to grow up (I was a late bloomer and still not ready for sex) I feel like a lot of times I am stuck at that age. I worry too much about others think, I dress in a kind of cutesy way and have a very young sounding voice. People often mistake me for a teen. This might not be a serious issue, but sometimes I just don’t feel like an adult, but I have to be an adult to take care my child. I do take good care of and she’s doing great at 8 months old, but I worry about the future. Will I ever catch up with my age and truly know who I am?

 

[Deleted member 44579]

Hi @Amcam... It is very natural to be stuck at a certain age.... I can't remember what therapists call it but as I'm sure you know it's because of what happened.. And how your inner child.. Part of.. Has stayed there.
Just because you said OK doesn't mean it was OK... You really didn't want to to it... Are you able to get some help and support for this?... A therapist?...
In the meantime this forum is very good... These people will help you.... And give ideas that might help... Take care....

 

[Amcam]

Hi @Amcam... It is very natural to be stuck at a certain age.... I can't remember what...

Hello, it has been some time since I have talked to the therapist about this. Last time we talked, I was still trying get passed the guilt. I am passed the guilt finally, and dealing with anger of being treated badly. Now I feel like I am truly at the last stage of letting go of that bad time.

 

[Amcam]

Hello, it has been some time since I have talked to the therapist about this. Last time we talked, I was...

Oh but I’d like to add, that I am still needing to close that chapter with the therapist. I will see him soon. Thanks for your reply.