Greetings To All

[Fargo1]

Heh, I just finished re-reading this thread....Welcome Jim!

Drabs, I get it all the time! I even get/got it from myself, "Suck it up you pussy!" Was my mantra, until I just couldn't suck it up anymore.

I can't even go grocery shopping except at small stores like a 7/11 or a corner market (which don't have veggies). Even the thought of going into one still gets my neck hairs quivering. When talking to my girlfriend (even after 5 months of therapy) she says things like, "You can just go in quick and get some veggies. How hard can that be?"

"Impossible." I tell her, "For now anyway." Her response is to get mad at me. Which elicits shame in me for being a wimp. Then I go and do it....and we both regret it for days afterwards...

 

[drabs08]

Wow Fargo exactly brother, I ok in grocery stores usually because I know they sell knives, just incase I need some really fast, suck it up pussy sounds familiar, I think Ive said it to myself as well brother

 

[Jimmy1]

I can't even go grocery shopping except at small stores like a 7/11 or a corner market (which don't have veggies). Even the thought of going into one still gets my neck hairs quivering. When talking to my girlfriend (even after 5 months of therapy) she says things like, "You can just go in quick and get some veggies. How hard can that be?"

"Impossible." I tell her, "For now anyway." Her response is to get mad at me. Which elicits shame in me for being a wimp. Then I go and do it....and we both regret it for days afterwards...

You know guys, here we go again jawing off in an introduction, but what the heck.

These symptoms are all normal. I used to not be able to go to the supermarket. Here where I live we don't have 24 hour ones and the normal ones are only open at 8 am, by that time its packed. So I used to go to the only one that opened at 6 am, and if there were too many people I would walk out.
Its only the anxiety. In the end I would do what your girlfriend said Fargo, or similar. I would run in, get a couple of things then run out. Its the telling yourself that its safe. Don't worry, some days I still can't face the shops or the public. Its all about relearning guys, you have to teach yourself that its fine. I just think of it like when you teach a child not to be afraid of the dark. You show them inside their cupboard, you show them under their bed.

One more thing we may all have in common is how for the last 20 years for me anyways, no one understood what I was going thru, when the moments got bad, my exwife used to say your a soldier tough it out, or its beens years let it go!!! Let it go? Or just think your back home, its safe here ,, You ever hear anything like Jim or fellas

The problem here Drabs is misinformation. Down under they allow partners or support people on the PTSD course, and they learn all about our symptoms and what to expect.

The suck it up is another problem. As we were conditioned in the military to go the hard yards and not complain, we put high expectations on ourselves. So, at times when we have sensory overload we just can't handle the pressure anymore and we fail to meet our expectations. Then we beat ourselves up.
We just have to tell ourselves its ok.

 

[drabs08]

Jim thats sounding right, & its Dave, Drabs is what my buddy Mike used to call me, I lost him 3 years ago this December, ptsd. I trained him to be a LRRP or LRSD, he was a good man, like so many of us here, yourself included. I appreciate your wisdom, this site has been a true blessing, as the times lately have been hard for the ptsd, God bless all.

 

[deborah l. boylan]

Welcome Jim. This site has really been a gift for me. Like you I kept telling myself that I was fine, no problems.
Boy was I wrong! Some days are good and some not. No matter what is going on I can come here and talk, vent, yell, scream or whatever and everyone here understands. I have found that people, even those in the military, don't understand what those of us with this beast go through. Its nice to come here and feel excepted and understood. I hope that we can do that for you. Take care.

Deb

 

[rossjall]

One more thing we may all have in common is how for the last 20 years for me anyways, no one understood what I was going thru, when the moments got bad, my exwife used to say your a soldier tough it out, or its beens years let it go!!! Let it go? Or just think your back home, its safe here ,, You ever hear anything like Jim or fellas

Hello Drabs08:

Unfortunately that's what I hear from my wife. This isn't something I can pick up and put down at will. These past few days have been relatively good, but an incident could be triggered right now, and I can't stop it. I just have to ride it through. I made the mistake once of trying to "manage" my recovery from an episode. I went to a church group meeting right in the middle of an attack, and I have regretted it since. My pastor called me outside to talk and suggested that there are some things you have to will your way through. I waited for an opportunity to leave and when it came I told my wife I would meet her in the car..............translation.............let's get out of here NOW!

Jim

 

[rossjall]

I can't even go grocery shopping except at small stores like a 7/11 or a corner market (which don't have veggies). Even the thought of going into one still gets my neck hairs quivering. When talking to my girlfriend (even after 5 months of therapy) she says things like, "You can just go in quick and get some veggies. How hard can that be?"
"Impossible." I tell her, "For now anyway." Her response is to get mad at me. Which elicits shame in me for being a wimp. Then I go and do it....and we both regret it for days afterwards...

Hey Fargo:

Thanks for the welcome. Man, you could have written the above for me. When I blew it, I spent quite some time beating myself up because I was so self-centered. Now that I am aware of what's causing all this, I feel relieved.

Jim

 

[rossjall]

Jim thats sounding right, & its Dave, Drabs is what my buddy Mike used to call me, I lost him 3 years ago this December, ptsd. I trained him to be a LRRP or LRSD, he was a good man, like so many of us here, yourself included. I appreciate your wisdom, this site has been a true blessing, as the times lately have been hard for the ptsd, God bless all.

Hi Dave:

Thank you for the kind words about wisdom, but I don't feel I deserve them. Prior to knowing I was experiencing PTSD, I felt like a squirrel, running every which way at the snap of a twig. Something was wrong, but I didn't know what. As I've mentioned before in a post, I thought PTSD was indicated when someone had flashbacks. I didn't. But ever since Nam I've been different, and once I found this forum, and I found out I *did* have PTSD, things have been different. Some day this stuff will NOT rule my life anymore. When I read some of the posts, I feel euphoric because here.........finally..........are people who know what I am going through. Knowing that is just like opening a floodgate...........very theraputic!

Jim

 

[rossjall]

Welcome Jim. This site has really been a gift for me. Like you I kept telling myself that I was fine, no problems.
Boy was I wrong! Some days are good and some not. No matter what is going on I can come here and talk, vent, yell, scream or whatever and everyone here understands. I have found that people, even those in the military, don't understand what those of us with this beast go through. Its nice to come here and feel excepted and understood. I hope that we can do that for you. Take care.

Deb

Hi Deb:

My sentiments exactly. You would think that the military would be front and center in knowing about PTSD. I thought they had learned something after Vietnam, but seeing Gulf War vets going through the same things I did isn't too encouraging. Like you, though, I can come to this forum and let fly and people understand. "Beast" is a good name for it because for me it lurks in the shadows ready at an instant to attack.

Jim

 

[rossjall]

Jim my girl knows that look on my face. It was at its worst some 4 years ago. Went to a works do and really tripped out. Explains the party-pooper behaviour previous to that...

Exposure therapy (even self-administered) helps. If you go into a situation with you & the missus knowing there's a bog-out plan, it helps, and can often allow you to tolerate it (and hence immunise yourself) for longer than you might have thought possible.

I think what Jimmy was pointing out is that if the PTSD beastie is pulling the strings, it isn't always a good idea to immerse yourself in other outgoing. Although isolating is not the answer, neither is mosh-pitting.....

Thanks Ned:

Having a plan seems to be headed down the right path. I can also now see where it would be best not to be sharing while trying to fight the beast myself.

Jim

 

[Ned]

Jim you can share any time, mate. I find a vent/rant now and then helps while I'm fighting it. And no-one here minds.
I suppose what I was trying to say is that sometimes, when I'm in rag order, I have enough problems sorting myself out. Experience has taught me that's not the time to take on other burdens, a bit selfish, but the nature of the beast. So let it out, and make sure no-one else's sneaks in!;)

 

[drabs08]

Hey Jim sorry for the delay I've been working 10 hours a day, & havent been on in a couple of days. I know how you feel, I refused to except that I had ptsd, I was a special operator in LRSD(long range surveillance detachment or LRRP's as you Nam called us) for the 2nd Armoured Division, just before Saddam invaded Kuwait, the army started deactivating the 2 A.D. Pattons favorite division. I was scheduled to ETS or get out, but they made me stay extended me, & sent us to 18th Airborne Corps Headquarters to be their LRSD & do Lrrp's in Iraq for the intell & a few other things that fit the job description. I knew I was different too when I came home from the sand box. I mean hell almost the whole unit was ranger qualified, we offically ranger regiment or 75th regiment association. It was something that changed me for ever, & anyones life I touch as well. For years all my buddys said I needed to see the VA for it & get comp & pension, a female friend who was a medic always told me tooo, but I was to stubborn, arent all us combat vets that way. But this sight has really made me see how much we all have in common, no matter what war or country the soldier is from, were all exactly like, & damn do I feel at home here brother, God bless praying for you, if you need to talk let me know.