Greif and isolation

[Intrepid]

My mom past away a month ago. I’m still grieving. She was my primary childhood abuser. However, she did a lot to recover, and made some significant changes that made up for her past craziness.

It's been about a month since I've been to an AA meeting. I need those meetings. My drinking was all about self-medicating of my PTSD. To a point that worked, and then I really started to behave as an alcoholic. The problem with the meetings is this. I went to my last meeting with my mom. It was a great meeting. The next day he died. I'm still grieving. It's really hard to go back because I don’t want to be seen grieving. I don’t want them to see me hurt. I really don’t like the confused feelings. My mother’s abuse still has a big impact on my life, regardless of what she did to make up for it.

 

[Kailani]

Hi, I can relate; grieving a family member too. It's awful. There are so many mixed feelings if they are an abuser. Everyone has a good and bad aspect to them and our memories are going to be good and some awful or hard. I didn't want to be around anyone- please leave me alone. But everyone kept calling and showing up and it was actually helpful as long as I had time alone too to process. Soooooo sorry for you having to deal with your mom's death!!!!! You will go back when you are ready. Is there another meeting you can attend? Can you talk to a therapist instead until you are ready? Or work on a workbook? I medicate with cigarettes to numb emotions. Can you replace the medicating with something else like listening to your fav. Music or fill in blank. Grieving really ignites my PTSD. I found sleeping more helped to aid in coping partly cuz I was sleep deprived caring for the person. Being kind to self and focusing on being as healthy as possible; taking vitamins, spending time in nature, pets, spiritual health, eating, ...all just a continuous effort. Distraction helped too ( reading) and having a good friend to talk to. Thinking of you and hope it gets easier for you. My recommendation is take pictures slow. They caused really bad flashbacks for me. Hugs if you accept!!!

 

[Ejectionseatfixr-ESF]

Heres something you can do- Im an ACOA and alcoholic, and I spend a lot of time with people from the rooms outside the meetings also- just the lack of formality helps me let my guard down a bit with those I trust, so I can relate. Maybe have a small gathering with your sponsor and 2 or 3 others for a meeting at your home or theirs so its not so much pressure? Just a thought.