Grief of healing

[Althea Victoria]

My psychologist told me that I'm in a grief phase of healing. I felt really sad when she told the realistic result of my recovery in 6 months of healing. I have a maladaptive perfectionism, so it's hard for me to accept reality. 2 months ago in April I already knew that I was in a state of grief without my psychologist told me. 2 months ago in April I just knew that I was suffering from complex trauma (spesificlly developmental trauma). Since that I had been aware of how so dysfunctional my family were, and how so "broken" I am, and now it all make sense why I am the way I am, why I use this or that maladaptive coping mechanism. It's been hard to accept the truth. It's very hard. Even when I write this I held myself back not to cry.

Now I'm 26 y.o, I really wanted to get married at 30 y.o. Now I'm single, I really just want to focus on my healing. When I open instagram I always feel insecure, sad, and envy of how people my age are putting in effort to achieve their career or getting married. To heal myself there 2 things that I need to sacrifice the most: time and money. I spent a lot of money to be able to go counseling with my psychologist, and also a time for myself to search the right healing process just for me.


It's true, healing is not a linear process, last month I was very excited to watch videos and reading books about complex trauma. But now? I'm tired for all of it. Since january 2025 I had trouble in sleeping, but I guess since April my sleep got worse. Actually I already lose hope in my healing. Last week I even laid on the floor, crying so hard until I fell asleep till morning. My emotions are intense, on that night I felt an intense of hopeless. And today when my psychologist told me that I am in a state of grief now, it all make sense, my feeling since April that I am in grief state is finally validated

 

[arfie]

hello althea. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

empathy on the survivor's grief. my own grief for all the things that should have been and never will be continues i'm not sure it will ever go away, but i am relieved to say it no longer has the power to control my here and now. i am able to process the reemergence without derailing my day.

i had to look up, "maladaptive perfectionism." have i really been through 50+ years of recovery without hearing of it? i bet i've heard of it by a different label. psychology has changed names often during that 50+ years of recovery. i have always considered "perfect" to be a matter of opinion, so it is not on my own psychosmorgasbord, but it sure fits allot of folks i have known who cherish their own opinion of, "perfect." personally, i shoot to live the zen proverb, "do not seek the truth. only cease to cherish opinion."

"maladaptive perfectionism" is not on my own psychosmorgasbord, but there are plenty of ptsd comorbidities to go around. i have my share.

 

[Susan Jane]

My psychologist told me that I'm in a grief phase of healing. I felt really sad when she told the realistic result of my recovery in 6 months of healing. I have a maladaptive perfectionism, so it's hard for me to accept reality. 2 months ago in April I already knew that I was in a state of grief without my psychologist told me. 2 months ago in April I just knew that I was suffering from complex trauma (spesificlly developmental trauma). Since that I had been aware of how so dysfunctional my family were, and how so "broken" I am, and now it all make sense why I am the way I am, why I use this or that maladaptive coping mechanism. It's been hard to accept the truth. It's very hard. Even when I write this I held myself back not to cry.

Now I'm 26 y.o, I really wanted to get married at 30 y.o. Now I'm single, I really just want to focus on my healing. When I open instagram I always feel insecure, sad, and envy of how people my age are putting in effort to achieve their career or getting married. To heal myself there 2 things that I need to sacrifice the most: time and money. I spent a lot of money to be able to go counseling with my psychologist, and also a time for myself to search the right healing process just for me.


It's true, healing is not a linear process, last month I was very excited to watch videos and reading books about complex trauma. But now? I'm tired for all of it. Since january 2025 I had trouble in sleeping, but I guess since April my sleep got worse. Actually I already lose hope in my healing. Last week I even laid on the floor, crying so hard until I fell asleep till morning. My emotions are intense, on that night I felt an intense of hopeless. And today when my psychologist told me that I am in a state of grief now, it all make sense, my feeling since April that I am in grief state is finally validated

Welcome to the forum, sorry for what you have been through. I don’t have any magic answers but I know what it feels like to be in it. Hoping you find comfort and support here on the forum.