I've been here since February and I'm still debating sharing my story in more than little snippets here and there. I'm scared on so many levels. I've learned that no one ever really thinks whether you should have done this or that and if they make suggestions it's only to try and escape the situation you went through in their mind. It's not all so black and white. I am scared of being judged, and my own fears of what people will think is far more damaging that what they actually think.
You don't sound like a horrible person, a lot of us here will recognise the feelings you have, I know that doesn't make it any easier really, but it's a consolation. You are you, your own person, your story and your responses to your circumstances, as they happened are what you did to cope, to survive, to keep going. They were obviously right as you're here right now. Anyone who says other wise has no real idea, though I'd doubt that you are alone in this as I feel much the same.
You don't sound like a horrible person, you sound like a person with a difficult story, who's still struggling to come to terms with it. Paranoia isn't fun, nor is the levels of anxiety that accompany it. I don't mean to say to you, yeah it's not us it's you, but you're in a pretty safe place here and many of us will understand that fear of our story being minimised or denied by other's responses, but what ever anyone else feels, they weren't there at the time and you did what's right for you.
:) xx (not an evil, skeptical smile but a warm, understanding and accepting one!)
