Sufferer Not Sure I Feel Safe To Share...

[Deleted member 20072]

...but as it says surpass fears right? I'll try to keep it short. Mostly cause I don't wanna talk about it.

2009 my now spouse and I backed over his dads dog. It wasn't dead but very severely mangled. There was no veterinarian around for miles as we were in rural prairies so we beat it to death to put it out of its misery. 2 people tried to break its neck but we couldn't.

The noise coming out of it was like nothing from this earth. There was so much blood. This and the image of its head is what stays with me.

When we buried I heard noises from it still and once it was buried I saw the ground moving up and down as if it were breathing. (Which was just in my head) The people there were freaking out screaming. I felt like I had to keep them under control and safe and tried my best to do so.

Not a single day since Oct 3 2009 has passed where I've felt, thought or slept the same.

Just received PTSD formal diagnosis yesterday from a new doctor after pleading with many to figure out what was going on with me. Now I know and I couldn't be more relieved to find this forum with all of you cause for years I thought I was the only one on the planet who felt like this.

 

[Loner]

That sounds brutal. The dog is at peace now.

I shot my dog in the head. He was my best friend, really my only friend. I've been a loner my whole life, after a traumatic childhood, and that dog was really the only real friend I've ever had, I stole him from some abusive owners I rented a room from for a couple months because he whined and cried when I was packing up my car to leave and kept trying to jump in my car even though there wasn't any room for him and he kept falling out. The love he showed me still makes me tear up. Well he got old (16) and got cancer, I took him to the vets and they said it was pretty much the end for him, they wanted to put him to sleep there and at first I said yes but it just didnt feel right. He never really felt comfortable with anyone but me, I could tell he was scared, he just wasn't at peace, so I stopped them and drove out to the mountains, said my goodbyes, and shot him.

He died instantly, I know that, it was just lights out for him, but he kept twitching. I shot him reflexively 3 more times till he finally stopped twitching. After that stopped I tried not to look at his head or face but I did see it briefly, I tried to shut it out of my mind but I can see his eyeball hanging out and the mess of his face.

I know thats not the same as what you had to do but I guess its similar. I feel somewhat better because I know it was what was best for him, and he was at peace when he died, alone with his owner in a place full of nice smells. Perhaps you can take some solace in the fact that while your dogs passing was not as easy, you also did the best you could to ease him along with the tools you had at hand.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Jacnic]

Welcome to the forum, Lindsay.

The first steps to finding help are always hard. Well done for joining us.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome. :)