Had Emdr Today - Something Weird Happened?

[macca]

Had my first EMDR today. It didn't seem to be going to work for a while, it felt like my mind was "protecting" me, like there was a wall. There were some fleeting images, but no emotion attached, and then once some emotion, but on it's own.

But - after a while, after she got me to start a set thinking of the "wall" - I seemed to hear a deep male voice threatening me. I'd rather not go into it here, but it was then that I was hit by wave after wave of intense emotion and some body sensations, then coming out the other side of it feeling disconnected, even to my body.

I felt like I heard a small child say "why did they hurt me" and that was just...weird. My T thinks I may have "split off" something (I suspect I was about 3), as there's been a couple of other things like that. Anyway, she talked to the "dissociated" part, and told her she was safe now, that her body was grown up, and that I could keep myself safe. She got me to look at my hands to see they were adult hands, which brought a lot of crazy emotion to me too. I was still very dissociated, and she had to tap my hands and bring me back to "here" (her office). All very strange.

So - my question is - has anyone else heard voices in EMDR? It's kind of freaked me out. She didn't seem surprised, but I'm wondering if it's normal? Interestingly, I haven't been dissociated this afternoon, as I expected to be.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Macca,

This happens to me. I have trouble "staying in the present" and at times I've been re-experiencing the past as if it is happening now, with sounds, images, smells, body feelings...for me, the smells are the worst.

It used to happen frequently in sessions but now that so many memory gaps have started filling in, and my therapist helps me keep a foot in the present, it doesn't happen very often.

This type of re-experiencing stirs up a lot after session, and sometimes it can take me days to feel fully present again. But I take it easy on my self, turn gently towards the memory, allowing whatever comes up to just be noticed. Eventually, my brain seems to work it out and new information comes forth that makes sense out of it.

Somewhere in my brain, the memories are locked in a neurobiochemical pathway, like a forgotten closet. That pathway likely hasn't been accessed in so long that I didn't even know it was there. But somehow during the EMDR process, my brain seems to open these "forgotten closets" and all the things stored in there comes out.

It's very healing to sort and get rid of this "old stuff" but it is bewildering at first. I have learned to trust the process, and my therapist and myself. Even with the bad ones, I still am ok even if I don't feel ok for awhile.

 

[zaniara]

EMDR is very powerful: have been for me at least. And very, very helpful. And I can agree with what BloomInWinter says. I can be literally 'sucked' back into the past: and worst case scenario it's a flashback with all the images, sounds, smells, body-memories and all the rest. But a good therapist do try to do what your therapist did: ground you a bit, and try to calm you down, and don't push you forward in a faster pace than you can handle.

 

[macca]

Thank you both. I never even thought of it as a flashback, which is weird as well. We started the session with a picture in my mind of one of my flashbacks, but it's a visual one. They are usually visual, but with no memory attached, but I get a lot of emotional ones too. They have been bad, but nothing I've ever experienced so far has been as intense as that.

It's funny - I have a tendency to dissociate, but I haven't since she "brought me back" (so far anyway). I felt "lighter" somehow, but as evening progressed I became a little hyperaroused instead, and didn't sleep well. She said I would probably dream a lot, but I remember none at all (and I usually remember my dreams, and they are frequent). I hope this means it will still work :( Maybe it means I need another EMDR session. I do still think it "did" something towards recovery, if that makes sense.

Another funny thing - that sense of a "wall" is back again if I try and remember the experience, to make sense of it. It's as if I've had all the sensations of someone else's experience.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

When I has my first EMDR session back last May I found myself behind a locked door screaming to get out. The door was locked from the outside. A very small child terrified of what would come next.

I took myself back to the age of 2 yrs, locked in my nursery for being annoying. I didn't sleep well as a child and was hyper-active to say the least.

What I experienced in that session scared me. The voices were the worse but then the physical vision of my mother grabbing me up from the floor after she had knocked me down with the door. Pinning me down in my cot and screaming at me.

Yes I do believe that EMDR can be very aggressive in nature but I found it a fantastic therapy and stuck to it.

MACCA keep at it I'm sure in time the flashback's will ease.

Laurie

 

[Deleted member 18510]

I'm a therapist who uses EMDR therapy my primary psychotherapy treatment and I've also personally had EMDR therapy for anxiety, panic, grief, and “small t” trauma. As a client, EMDR worked extremely well and also really fast. As an EMDR therapist, and in my role as a facilitator who trains other therapists in EMDR therapy (certified by the EMDR International Association and trained by the EMDR Institute, both of which I strongly recommend in an EMDR therapist) I have used EMDR therapy successfully with panic disorders, PTSD, anxiety, depression, grief, body image, phobias, distressing memories, and bad dreams, DID, and many other problems. It's a very gentle method with no significant "down-side" so that in the hands of a professional EMDR therapist, there should be no freak-outs or worsening of day-to-day functioning.

One of the initial phases (Phase 2) in EMDR therapy involves preparing for memory processing or desensitization (memory processing or desensitization - phases 3-6 - is often what is referred to as "EMDR" which is actually an 8-phase method of psychotherapy). In this phase resources are "front-loaded" so that you have a "floor" or "container" to help with processing the really hard stuff, as well as creating strategies if you're triggered in everyday life. In Phase 2 you learn a lot of great coping strategies and self-soothing techniques which you can use during EMDR processing or anytime you feel the need. There is a special EMDR therapy protocol for dissociative disorders and complex PTSD. The treatment of trauma and dissociation with EMDR therapy (or any therapy) requires special/extra training. Be absolutely certain the therapist has specialized training in DD, as well as advanced training in EMDR therapy. Neither EMDR therapy nor any psychotherapy should go digging for memories. Memories are gone - may be buried/held in different parts - for good reasons. It's really a brilliant protection. Always talk with your therapist at the beginning of your work about what you already know is grounding.

In phase 2 you learn how to access a “Safe or Calm Place” which you can use at ANY TIME during EMDR processing (or on your own) if it feels scary, or too emotional, too intense. One of the key assets of EMDR therapy is that YOU, the client, are in control NOW, even though you weren’t in the past, during traumatic events. You NEVER need re-live an experience or go into great detail, ever! You NEVER need to go through the entire memory. YOU can decide to keep the lights (or the alternating sounds and/or tactile pulsars, or the waving hand, or any method of bilateral stimulation that feels okay to you and your parts) going, or stop them, whichever helps titrate – measure and adjust the balance or “dose“ of the processing. During EMDR processing there are regular “breaks” and you can control when and how many but the therapist should be stopping the bilateral stimulation every 25-50 passes of the lights to ask you to take a deep breath and say just a bit of what you’re noticing, anything different, any changes. (The stimulation should not be kept on continuously, because there are specific procedures that need to be followed to process the memory). The breaks help keep a “foot in the present” while you’re processing the past. Again, and I can’t say this enough, YOU ARE IN CHARGE so YOU can make the process tolerable. And your therapist should be experienced in the EMDR therapy techniques that help make it the gentlest and safest way to detoxify bad life experiences and build resources.

Grounding exercises are essential. You can use some of the techniques in Dr. Shapiro's new book "Getting Past Your Past: Take Control of Your Life with Self-Help Techniques from EMDR." Dr. Shapiro is the founder/creator of EMDR but all the proceeds from the book go to two charities: the EMDR Humanitarian Assistance Program and the EMDR Research Foundation). The book is an easy read, helps you understand what's "pushing" your feelings and behavior, helps you connect the dots from past experiences to current life. Also gives lots of really helpful ways that are used during EMDR therapy to calm disturbing thoughts and feelings.

For DD and any complex PTSD/trauma, the "front-loading" of resources, and a phased treatment plan is essential. Please read the 2011 revision of International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation (ISSTD) guidelines for treating adults with dissociative disorders available for free public download at the ISSTD website.
Also good to read:
"Amongst Ourselves: A Self-Help Guide to Living with Dissociative Identity Disorder" by Tracy Alderman
"Healing the Heart of Trauma and Dissociation with EMDR and Ego State Therapy" by Carol Forgash

In addition to my therapy practice, I roam the web looking for EMDR therapy discussions, try to answer questions about it posted by clients/patients, and respond to the critics out there. It's not a cure-all therapy, however, it really is an extraordinary psychotherapy and its results last. In the hands of a really experienced EMDR therapist, it's the most gentle way of working through disturbing experiences.