Hallucinations? Reliving The Experience.

[thawless]

hello, and i'm sorry i've begun posting here so abruptly. i had been lurking previously, however, i didn't seem to find anything quite like this.

○ can hallucinations occur as -events-
lasting for 5-15 minutes?
as a form of reliving? (familiar from other traumas)
however this is a strange and very different trauma.
○ can stress for a situation which was nearly about to resolve itself cause a hallucination this dramatic?


notes:

my therapist follows systems theory, is a bit on the strange side, which i like, however,
i feel that i am not being taken seriously, or that she is tired of talking about this ongoing traumatic event (misc.) she is attempting to bring the idea of hallucinations as a form of energy, which, i, i feel that is not helping me be productive or proactive.

 

[claroscuro]

From my own experience, yes, on both counts.

 

[Crow]

My T has the same approach. Threw me off for years as I was hearing & seeing things that obviously no one else was. I finally stopped stressing about it and now use the hallucinations as a gauge to my groundedness. I still deal with the stuff not there sometimes daily but that's usually a signal something is working it's way out & resolving.

 

[claroscuro]

If you feel your therapist isn't taking you seriously, or that a specific therapy isn't helpful, that's something you should consider discussing with your therapist and hopefully find a way together to resolve.

 

[thawless]

My T has the same approach. Threw me off for years as I was hearing & seeing things that obviously...

i think it is a part of a newfound part of myself, i am very direct. i have found myself pushing away these ideas. comparable to scully on the x-files; constantly in denial, wanting something that cannot be found, but as a coping mechanism. i want to believe and feel it is ok to think of energy, grounding; but not having the evidence that it is or was a hallucination, especially one far more vivid, realistic and felt through all senses (though as a spectator; not dissociative per-se), is partly horrifying because no one believes me. my therapist is very comforting and is willing to believe that it was a hallucination, but i just--- i am lacking something i haven't the words for. i am rambling.

how did you allow yourself to believe that it is ok to believe these things, and still be a productive human being?
i am afraid of slipping. i supervise others, so my mental health deteriorating is affecting the respect of my workplace...
and while they are all very open people, and one co-worker especially, who is well-versed in mental health issues (family, hisself);
it feels as though i am not... human to them. i am isolated. even saying "i am having mental health issues lately" is seen as attention-seeking behavior, i feel it, while i am only trying to include them in why i may not seem present, or why i might shake or look terrified from no (apparent) trigger.
i don't want others to worry at all. i only want camaraderie and understanding.

my husband, like my therapist, is open to more (and pardon me please if this is hurtful) otherworldly ideas, and very practical. he is supportive, but i feel isolated at home too.

 

[thawless]

i mean, i understand how inappropriate it sounds to talk about anything this personal at work, but the place was... very different only few months ago. it used to be like family.


i am going to head into work and "keep my head down" today.


♥ thank you... i'll reply more when i get home.

 

[claroscuro]

If I'm understanding this correctly, you're having trouble accepting something that seems otherworldly, perhaps a convenient deus ex machina?

If I'm understanding that correctly, perhaps it might help to expand on the idea that the hallucination is energy and bringing it into the real world?

For instance, physicists recognize that everything in the universe is energy, from the solid ground we stand upon to the wind we can't always see. We can experience the physical world in a variety of ways through different senses.

In that say way, our thoughts, emotions, and memories are energy, and again, we can experience them in a variety of ways. But this is the non-tangible world, something others can't experience unless we share it, and even then, the experience falls short for others. This shortfall, where others cannot grasp our experience, doesn't mean what we are experiencing in our mental world isn't real, or that we've lost the plot and all contact with reality.

And energy has a variety of ways to manifest itself, just as water can be ice, liquid, or steam. Anxiety/fear/anger/sorrow can be heart palpitations, trembling hands, that awful constriction in the gut, or it can be a glimpse of a shadow passing in your periphery, a hallucination of your abuser, or a full submersion into a painful event in your past.

I hope that makes sense. If I missed the mark, I apologize.

 

[Crow]

So T & I slightly disagree on the hallucinations. Otherworldly freaks me out except related to good stuff - guides guardians entities with my highest good in heart. I cling to Einstein's idea that the Universe is a friendly place. And so if these things & people I see & feel & things I hear are real, they're here to help me. That acceptance was key in my transforming the experiences. I however come at it as these things are my body trying to communicate with me. So if I see that shadowy guy on the side of the road or hear Walter chronkite doing a 70s newscast, I say hi to the things not there and then ask my body what I need to know. Mindfulness exercises and Somatic Experiencing tracking has been essential for this. The direct body sensations are still a challenge but accepting all this as a flashback has helped. Don't have any recommendations about work. I've stayed out of management for 20 years just for these reasons. Every now and then when I'm experiencing more than usual I'll joke about hearing/seeing stuff. My coworkers think I'm kidding but somehow doing that calms things down enough for me to ground. Maybe I'll try just speaking stuff aloud out of earshot. That may help. Simply speaking out my experience.