Handling "inner Child"- Advice Please?

[Nyx]

How does cradling work, I mean how do I do it so I can be cradled? It sounds very comforting.

I put my head on a high pillow and just move my upper body from side to side. Just like you would cradle a small child on your feet - I do it without the help of anyone, though :) I usually use music too, so it gives me rhythm when rocking from one side to the other. Makes me dizzy at first, and then makes me fall asleep. I used this when pain was too high to handle and wouldn't let me sleep.

It is comforting, but also shameful for a grown-up to do. I'm not three anymore, I'm 27...

 

[Mercy]

Thanks you. Do you mean move your upper body like rocking or turning to each side?

 

[Nyx]

Turning to each side, let's say, as if you were in a boat.

 

[Mercy]

Thanks,Nyx
I tried it last night. It is very comforting. For the past few nights, I have also added soft soothing music. Our cable system has a station they call soundscapes, a collection of gentle instrumental music which I put on very softly. A recent article connected music with the ability to form new memories. I have very little short term memory sometimes. Anything to help is good plus I like it anyway.

 

[Wrknprgrss]

I've just started working with my little me this week. The first few days were really good ... then things got hard and I got angry and then scared. All these suggestions are helpful. AND very comforting to hear others talk about their inner child(ren). Makes me feel less crazy hearing about how everyone takes care of theirs.

 

[Mercy]

Hi, ardvark,
I like that you are being brave and letting them be heard. It will be therapy for them. Your inner children have the same needs as outside children plus their trauma needs. Listening to them is important.

I found that making collages of things torn out of magazines and catalogues very helpful. I let myself tear or cut out whatever picture had a feeling associated with it. I didn't need to know what each picture meant during the time I was collecting them. Sometimes it was scary. This time of year is hard for me and there were plenty of scary faces and figures in the Halloween adds. As I taped the pictures together, I would find a central image and add on to it in a free form style being careful not to dictate who it looked. For example I had pulled out a fancy whiskey add with a velvet bag. I let my hand float above to find where it went. I already had an Elizabethan figure in full costume with the huge ruff around her neck (I don't remember if she had a head but not scary). The fancy whiskey belonged next to her.

I keep crayons and white computer paper around. I use the thick crayons because they felt the same to my adult hand as in proportion to a child's hand. Again, I try not to direct the drawings, or scribble scrabble, or color or words. Coloring time was an opportunity for little ones to be busy at something all kids like to do. It gives them recognition, and most importantly it lets them express how they are feeling. Don't be sad if some pictures look angry or sad. That is good!!! You can take both the collages and crayon drawings to your therapist to figure them out.

I took walks to the local children's park and sat on the tire swing for a little while especially when no one was around.When we came home, I made hot chocolate instead of coffee. Now we drink mocha a lot.

I bought small packages of applesauce, and pudding. Once in a while I would just relax and let someone little fingerpaint on my kitchen table with pudding. They liked to put the fingers in thing and explore the texture. Once I caught on I bought tapioca pudding as well.

That's just a few ideas, Oh, I forgot a stuffed animal is good, I think the Discovery Store has aardvarks.

It is a long process to gain their trust and recover their memories but it is very worthwhile work.

 

[Wrknprgrss]

Hi Mercy,

I like the idea of the collages. I've used those before for counseling, but this would be my frist time letting little me do one. Thank you for all of the ideas for bonding with little me. I got food poisoning over the weekend so we've been coloring and watching cartoons mostly. She told me some really scarey things Friday night,but we can tell T tomorrow if she is up for it.

The crazy amount of physical pain has sort blocked all the normal emotional/mental stuff that torments us. Glad I am starting to feel better, but a little nervous about what will happen when the physical symptoms decrease. BUT, preparing to take lots of care with little me and using some of the ideas to bond.

Honestly, I'm not looking forward to seeing T tomorrow. I know that she is helping me a lot. And I am so grateful for that. Just not looking forward to stirring things up again. I know it's necessary. I know it's the only way to get better ... it just hurts and is so hard. Planning to spend the time after bonding with little me.

Thank you again Mercy!

Question about your inner child. Do you ever feel like when you try to talk to your inner child that there is some sort of wall between the two of you? I mean, sometimes it is easy for me to talk to her. She listens, talks to me, is very responsive ... but sometimes, when I try to go to talk to her it's like something is stopping me. Like I can't find the words, or if I can, she won't listen ..... does this just sound crazy or has someone gone through something like that????? How do I get her to take the wall between us down?

 

[Lucycat]

I have just been trying to read some more about Inner Child and really do find it all quite strange.

In my last EMDR session, T asked me to talk to the child in my memory, and having gone along with it for some time, I just suddenly felt really stupid. Like 'what am I doing sitting here talking to a 'pretend' child?'.

I didn't tell my T at the time that it all felt so odd, but I the session terminated without me feeling closure on it. I have since briefly told my T it wasn't right, but not in any great detail as other stuff has somewhat eclipsed it. I do feel that when I next see him I need to go back over this and try to sort out why I just don't 'get it'.

You all sound so comfortable here talking about IC and giving them names. You make it all sound so perfectly normal, and logical, and yet I still see it as bizarre and not something I could contemplate discussing outwith the safety of this forum ( or with T).

 

[kimba]

Trust me BL, when my IC decided she needed to be heard, I was in total denial about her existance. At the same time, what she did by not letting me share a different part of my shame and guilt and literally "shutting me up" was the "Not me" action that I could not deny. Then another piece (a rebellious, sullen teenager) decided she would do the same thing and she "spoke" for me in response to something my T said. It freaked me out for a long time and I still have a tough time with it. I explained to these parts how i feel and why i feel this way. I can only hope they understand.

In the meantime I am slowly working towards acknowledging them and their needs while trying to deal with PTSD in general. It is alot to deal with and I am in therapy twice a week due to suicidal ideation and having a suicide plan. I have a string of anniversaries and seasonal triggers between June and October so that is why I haven't been on as much as I was. One day at a time, one symptom at a time and hopefully it will all work itself out over time. In short, don't feel like there is anything wrong with not being able to acknowledge an IC, it took me a couple of months to really acknowledge those i know about.

 

[KAT]

I am not that comfortable about my inner child. sometimes I would like to denial the whole thing, but I can,t. Heres what happens- I can be cleaning house,I'll start to think of something someone or something when I hear in my mind of course-daddy kissed me. That was my inner child. The part of me that is scared is my inner child reacting to different triggers. I hope this helps.

 

[Wrknprgrss]

It is scarey when your IC reacts to different triggers ... but, for me, the reaction to triggers usually uncovers something that needs to be healed and worked through with T. Many times I don't know that there is a problem in a certain situation until my IC is triggered. Then I take what she shows me and talk about it with T. and healing process moves forward. I don't know if that makes sense to you or not?

 

[Mercy]

It took me a long time to acknowledge that there were inner children frozen in time within me. As I talked with my Ts over the years, it became clearer. Sometimes, one would come out in session and tell the T something I was not present for. He would aways catch me up on what was said. As I got to know more of my story and confirmed the parts I could, the amnesiac walls began to fall down naturally. Healing and learning has its own pace. I think it may be harmful to force the timing.