General Handling Vulnerable moments?

[LuckiLee]

" Calm silence" I'm a fan myself ?

Something important is bothering him today so I'm just chilling in the same room with him. He knows I'm here and safe. That alone calms him a bit. We're talking a little bit about nothing. If I was yammering on and blah blah blahing him to death it would overflow the stress cup and end up in a really ugly place. He knows it. I know it.

He'll come to me tomorrow about it and we'll figure it out. Such is life.

XO

 

[Tinyflame]

I think that's wonderful @LuckiLee . :) He is very lucky you understand so well, and are so kind to adapt to it.

 

[Freida]

" Calm silence" I'm a fan myself ?

Something important is bothering him today so I'm just chilling in the same room with him. He knows I'm here and safe. That alone calms him a bit. We're talking a little bit about nothing. If I was yammering on and blah blah blahing him to death it would overflow the stress cup and end up in a really ugly place. He knows it. I know it.

He'll come to me tomorrow about it and we'll figure it out. Such is life.

XO

@LuckiLee and hubby went to the same school of "How to Deal with THEM" because that's exactly what he does with me. :laugh:

And it usually works...

 

[Sweetpea76]

I’m a “calm silence” girl myself too. Sometimes the calm is contagious. I’ve also learned the fine art of “buggering off” and leaving him in peace... depending on the agitation level.

I’m going shopping (or whatevs)... I’ll bring home food, smokes and beer. I’ll be home at 6. My phone is on.

 

[unbrokenn]

I mean, I’m a sufferer myself so I’m not sure if my opinion will be much help from a viewpoint of a caregiver but it could give insight from POV of a sufferer perhaps.
Usually whenever I get super emotional I kind of wall off as well and touch is kind of scary. Touch is one thing that some people with PTSD can lash out over or be ok with, so make sure if he’s ok with touch you can hug him. I know this sounds dumb because obviously you know and love him so you should hug him, but at moments he’s vulnerable he may not be all in the present so you may have to ask him if it’s ok to touch him first.

 

[Never_falter2]

My guy doesn’t like to cry in front of other people and when he needs to cry typically he is hiding away and I respect that.
Another vet once told me that this is how some men show their love by being for their loved ones. They do not want to burden them with things. I think he was right and I respect that very much and also think it is quite manly.
So I tell him that I think it is manly and I am very proud he is trying to protect me... but that I will be there if he needs to talk... well sometimes he needs to talk later. It does not always make sense to me what he says because he is often speaking in riddles.
Often after a while he comes back and smiles and acts if nothing has happened and ask us to do a fun activity (like hiking or watching a movie) now or later when we have time. I tell him I am there when he needs to talk but do not bother him with questions.

He often likes a piece of chocolate when he is feeling low.

I think it is a thin line. One the one hand I know he doesn’t like tobe bothered with questions on the other hand I afraid he might want to talk but I do not notice and he doesn’t find the right words.

 

[Never_falter2]

I’d like to add: Not all vets are the same but I think a lot of vets feel like... I am not sure if I can explain this in English which is not my native language... like they are the frontline of civilization, you know, that they are the only thing that stands between you and something bad... and they do not want world of civilization and that of chaos to mix. So that they do not want to mention anything about that in the safety of their homes... well for them sometimes even their homes do not feel safe... but they want them to stay safe havens for their wifes and kids...

Maybe someone with better command of English than me understands what I mean to say and can tell me if they agree and try to translate.

 

[Ronin]

Think you put it just well all on your own, @Never_falter2 :tup: