Thank you so much for your support. I agree. We have gone through hell and back for him to abuse my trust and loyalty. PtSD was simply an excuse for his little escape from reality and excitement. Unfortunately I don't know how to regain that trust and mend our broken family. Where do we go from here if we want to save our family?
Thank you. After catching him out and finding secret emails to each other he has stopped all contact with her to save his family. Only I don't know if this is all a lie like all the other times he told us the same words. Trust is important to me and I don't know how to regain that trust again. What hurts the most is he made me feel crazy when i doubted their friendship and he knew my mental state wasn't at its strongest. How can someone you love toy with your mind when you know I am the only one capable to care for our son while he was in his dark place. He said he doesn't remember a lot of the hurtful thibgs he told me and our son. That he has lost bits or complete days. Is this true? Can this happen or is this another excuse and a cop out for his poor actions and behaviour now he has been busted. Thw worst thing is he still thought they were capable of remaining "just friends". Are you kidding me?! Must think I am a doormat. I still love him after all this and I know he is truely suffering but where do I draw the line? I don't know what to do. So confused and lost. Any advise??
Yes. Thank you. I have stated that they must have no contact at all if we are to move forward from this.
Trust is something that is earned, if your trust has been violated it's not something that can instantly be repaired. Some people are not safe to trust and it's important to be able to trust yourself and your own gut, because it can help alert you of danger.
If you both are fully committed to your marriage, then I would suggest therapy. I agree with the zero contact and I would extremely clear and firm about your expectations. You deserve someone who is faithful and loyal to you nothing less.
Justkeepswimming, I'm so sorry for what you're going through!!! Since our situations seem so similar I would like to share one thing that has helped me. My husband's obsession with this woman is not the only way he has been unfaithful to me. With the other, he would say he was sorry when I caught him but then later blame me and become defensive. We have been going to counseling and lately I have noticed a huge difference in character. He no longer blames me and is taking responsibility for this. A person can lie but these kinds of changes are hard to fake. It's helping me to trust him more with the other issue. Of course the issue with the "friend" is keeping me suspicious of his total faithfulness for now. I guess I'm just trying to say, don't listen to words but look at how he treats you in your pain.
Thank you so much for your reply. It helps to hear from other PTSD sufferers that this is not acceptable behaviour. He would always use his PTSD as a reason for everything I didn't like.
Thank you. That helps me see things much differently. His words hold no weight with me or our son anymore. He was exactly the same. Defensive and then blaming and no empathy for the pain he caused us. He has promised "again" he will change. But we need to see some change like you said. We will attend therapy together after he has dealt with his PTSD. I just hope we make it that far and no more lies surface. I don't want to give up on him and our 20plus years together. I'm glad you have some positive progress. I look forward to hearing more from you. :)
Justkeepswimming, It is so hard to regain trust once it has been broken! Thank you for sharing you story! I felt so alone in this, like our situation was so unique and complicated no one could relate. Thank you!! :) My husband is getting EMDR and counseling about his obsession of this woman, his PTSD and our other issues at the same time with the same counselor. That way we can work on it all and then I'm going to one for my own grief. Would something like that be possible for you? I think it would be so hard to wait. Hope that helps some! Take care! :)
