Hi lou82, sorry that you're feeling frightened enough to need such intensive support. I have been in hospital twice whilst having a major attack. It's a difficult question you ask because every country is different, then every hospital is different too and then each psychiatrist has their own mode of doing things. I can only tell you how it felt for me, here in Australia. I will tell you about the second time because the first was a nightmare and I didn't have the same insight as the second time, once I was diagnosed. The first admission, I went in voluntary for help and was made involuntary for 28 days and was none too happy about that. The second I was much more aware and utilized the help better. So the second....
I got to a point before I asked my partner to drive me to the ER, where I knew I was a danger to others, (and therefore myself). To get admitted here, you either have to be a (physical), danger to yourself or others, which I was. I went to the ER, explained things and they assessed me and decided I needed admitting. Then I had to wait on a trolley for another 36 there parked up against the nurses station in bright lights, waiting for a bed in the psych unit. That was a bit of hell in itself but I could only focus on the light at the end of the tunnel which was being able to get out of the foetal position in the ER on the trolley and have some nursing support or what ever was coming next.
When I finally got there, into the ward, I was assessed by several different nurses who came in and out of the room. I had to tell them my whole trauma story, well all of them to be more specific. The nurses kept rotating, which I think was so that no particular one had to get traumatized by hearing the whole or something. Not sure but it was ok with me because they were nice people who kind of got it. So relating all that, was like a crash course with a therapist you don't even trust yet on the first day you meet them. I had voluntarily surrendered to the need to be contained so was in no position to start being a princess about what happened after that. It took an act of submission to this in order to get what I needed, which was to withdraw from the world for a while and only focus inward until I got a handle on myself again.
I had to share a room with a pretty disturbed girl who was psychotic. I was 41 she was about 19. We had a curtain in between our beds and a shared bathroom. For the first few days I just lay on my bed foetal I don't remember much of those first few days really. I think the nurses came to talk to me a few times but I wasn't too responsive so they mostly left me alone.
When I was ready to leave the room and enter the world of the ward, I was faced with a variety of people who are there for a variety of reasons. Most of the people there were suffering some kind of drug induced psychosis. There were people who were completely delusional and thought they were some historical figure like the Archangel Michael, there were people who were chronically depressed and who had barely any life in them, there were 'professional psych patients' who had been in and out of hospital their whole lives and who knew the system well and funnily enough were actually 'great therapists', probably because they had had so much in their life. There were paranoid people there who were frightening to talk to because you weren't sure if they thought you were part of the conspiracy going against them. One guy became obsessed with the fact that I was part of the people who are conspiring to manipulate him and became hostile to me. This was just because I started talking to him about his issues. Big mistake. Another guy was obsessed with me and told the staff we had had sex, which we hadn't then I had to prove myself innocent which did my head in.
I didn't really find the peace I needed in there but I did need to isolate myself from the outside world and I'm still glad I went to the ER and took control of the situation. I had to isolate myself from the other patients in order to get some peace. What I needed was a low stimulation environment and to be free from my usual responsibilities for a while and let my nervous system get some repair time.
There was activity therapy there that you could take part in voluntarily, like walking, mindfulness groups, art. There was exercise equipment, too much food for someone burning so few calories so I put some weight on, which does my head in itself! After 10 days I started to feel that the overstimulating environment in there was worse than at home, so I asked to be discharged. Even though I was still voluntary I really had to plead my case to get them to agree. Once you walk in there you have no guarantee you can walk out. They can detain you in a flash if they want. Just because they don't do that, doesn't mean they won't if you decide to leave before they think you should. Whatever you tell them at the beginning can be used against you in any way after that, whilst they are sitting there listening empatheticaly, they write it all down in notes. These become the basis for their diagnosis.
I was really lucky the second time that the psychiatrist on duty when I was admitted was a consultant, older experienced guy who was really switched on. He usually practices privately and does his little bit for mankind once a month by going on the public roster. He let me go, probably because there were two people waiting in ER for the last 24 hrs parked up against the nurses station. All in all I'm glad I went there, though if I had a family that could have done the same thing for me that would have been a better option. Three meals, a clean bed, fresh air, sympathetic ear, cup of tea and a magazine...know what I'm saying. Alas I don't have this.
I would only ever go to hospital if I were a danger to others or myself. I so often, especially lately get the panicked feeling 'I should be in hospital, I have to go, I can't do this etc'..then I remember what it is like and what the future implications are of having a long psych record. I still lie on employment applications, I never tick yes on the part about mental illness. Fortunately in Australia you can still get away with that because employers don't provide health care. The more distance between me and a record that I've been treated the better for my chances at reaching my goal of functioning normally again. That's just me anyway.
I really understand that feeling of needing to go to hospital. Perhaps you do need to, even if it is just to really know whether it is what you need and that you can get the help you need there. You will never know until you do. Best wishes and warm Hug ((()))
