Relationship Have I Made An Irreparable Mistake?

[Owl.]

Girl, I will not have the word "doom" in here in any sort of context! :shifty::roflmao:

Take it from this hot mess who's faceplanting all over these forums here because she's trying to walk in both shoes at once and failing spectacularly pretty much daily.
If ever I've read a new supporter's intro that DIDN'T deserve to have "doom" attached to it somewhere, it's this one. :)

Your attitude about the whole thing is pretty much remarkable, please do keep it up! It's good for him, it's good for you, and, frankly, also pretty refreshing to read. /egocentric-cow-mode

The two of you actually talked to each other about the Beast (as opposed to many othes where it's either hidden or one drones on while the other just sits there in silence wondering how and when to best flee), he knows you cannot possibly fully understand (hopefully!) and doesn't expect you to - also not a given in many relationships where either the sufferer will simply expect the supporter to "get it" or the supporter will read the wiki-article on PTSD and be convinced they can absolutely relate. (Exaggerating here, but not by TOO much...)

All that, plus - he's turtle-ing after that bombshell of yours.
As long as he's turtle-ing and not nuclear-bunker-ing, I will see that as a good sign.

Like Friday said up there, yeah, maybe the seed was planted with a bit of...unintentional brute force, but I don't think that field of his hacked it right back up and off into the stratosphere.

You're on a good path with just the right attitude there, keep walking and that turtle might just follow to be the grump to your cheer whenever he's caught his breath.

Just, please, no more "doom". ;)

 

[Peach]

Owl, you're hilarious! But fine. "Doom" has been stricken from my vacabulary...but that may make things difficult on Harrison Ford trivia night at the local pizza joint.:p

I'm sure you're not faceplanting all over! Just seems that way to you because you're the one living it. Others probably think you're doing a great job with your situation.:hug:

We have talked about his PTSD a fair bit. He was diagnosed in the mid to late 90s (getting dates and names out of that boy is like pulling teeth), so he's had a lot of time to figure out what works best for him in the management department. He takes certain meds at certain times of the day and has to lay down after lunch. Sometimes he sleeps, sometimes he just thinks, but that restful period is seriously important for him, otherwise he says he's "like a bear with a bad head." The first day I arrived at his place I was running late because I got lost driving from the airport...several times.:banghead: He was so nervous when I got there. Poor wittle baby. He had my bags in my room and me settled on the couch in about 2 minutes flat and maybe only said 10 words in that time. LOL Anyway, we ate lunch and a few hours later, around 3, I said, "Don't you usually take a nap or something? You know you can, right? I'll just go for a walk." He said, "Uh...well...mmm...yeah, I probably should but I didn't want to be rude." I told him to go, I knew about his routine before I got there and I sure wasn't gonna make him change it for me. And between us (on this board) , last thing we needed was to start out on the wrong foot because he didn't get his 'me-time' - that could have been a disaster in the making! :wideeyed:

Anywho, the point of that story was to say that you're pretty darn close by calling him a grumpy turtle - I call him my grumpy bear...or sometimes my delicate little flower if he's being overly sensitive. LMAO! Very masculine. LOL I'm sure he can be a bear, it's probably lurking just under the surface, but I've never seen it. I happened to send him a gift today, something I've been holding onto since before we hit the skids, and in it I put a picture in the card that I printed out - a grizzly bear on its back, all four paws in the air, looking cuddly and gentle and happy. I wrote "My Big Grumpy Bear" on top of it. Cause that's how I see him.

Okay, well, clearly I've crossed over from talking about PTSD to just talking about my guy, so that's probably my que to call it a night.

Oh, I am also very pleased to tell you that he wrote again today. So yes, it looks like maybe he's getting over the hump.

Thanks again to everyone who offered some input. You have allowed me to sleep at night again and actually concentrate on my tasks at work - two things that I had been incapable of in these previous weeks. You're life savers!:D:D:D

 

[Peach]

It's been a week now since my original post and I am getting antsy again. Not insanely stressed like before, but my patience is starting to wear a bit thin. We're still writing, I hear from my guy twice a week and I've got my fingers crossed for a third time this week as we still have 3 days left. And I am so grateful for that, but I still want more! So my current train of thought is: I've been very patient, but maybe it's time to give him a little push.

How long should I wait before I ask him if we can Skype again? My main motivation is because I miss him! But I've also had a few freaking awful weeks (not just this situation - job has been a nightmare recently) that I'd like to talk to him about. And I think Skyping might be the nudge he needs to get over the hill with regards to the slow-going communication. I imagine it would be reassuring to read my face and tone (and not just words in a letter) and he would know 100% that I'm not upset, it might help him remember how we were before, and that this holding back stuff isn't necessary. Also, I know, or think I know, that him hearing about my problems could make him feel useful, as either a sounding board or if he is able to offer advise, that he isn't the only one "taking" between us. Of course, that isn't all we would talk about, there would be plenty of good stuff sprinkled in there.

Did he really mean what he said before about not Skyping and only exchanging the "odd" email or was it just in the heat of the moment? Maybe he is just too embarrassed or prideful to admit he made a mistake, directly or indirectly, and tell me he does want to talk again. I am more than willing to take that bullet, but this disappearing act has really scared me and now I'm just not sure when or how far to go when I want to say something. I can be considerate of his condition, but I don't think that means he should be the judge, jury, and executioner of this relationship - he can't have all the power.

I don't want to be some wilting flower that springs back to life every time he decides he's good and ready to give me a splash of water.