Poll Have You Ever Had Survival Sex?

[Lady of Longbourn]

So now I wonder does that make my way of thinking wrong?

So I see me finally being able to say: "My name is Ayesha and I was briefly a prostitute." as a sort of progress.

Or just a part of it?

 

[Philippa]

I don't think it's wrong to think that, but it's not an AA meeting and there is no reason to announce it. You had sex on occasion to survive...why put a label on yourself at all?

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I think it's okay to announce it to myself. I wasn't implying I was going to tell a bunch of people.

I'll have to think about the label part.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Also my therapist said that anyway he looks at it he can not see how the prostitution part would have ended up good. He says it is to dangerous and to damaging to the person doing the prostitution.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I told him I've never met another like me. Another who was groomed the way I was.

He did mention a few different types of grooming and training. He said there is often the first groomer. The person who comes in and get the child (or in my case young teenager) ready for sexual things. Then, sometimes, there are others who come in thinking it is okay to have a 'relationship'. I asked if this person realizes what they are doing. Do they realize it is wrong? He said they do but often there view of reality is different, that they are under a delusion and see the child or teenager as their age. They will treat the child or teenager equal to them in terms of age, thinking, and sex etc.

I wonder where do they get these ideas?

Then we started talking about one of these men I knew who was trying to have an 'relationship' with me when I was about 16 or 17. He was in his 30's and married. He used to have phone sex with me and try to get me to marry him. I went along with the phone sex becasue I was so used to it from all the other men with the relationship thing going on. Ironically this person ended up in my city, in the same religious church type thing. I called him out and tried to expose him to the religious leader. He though I was lying. This man who started this relationship is now playing a ultra religious, righteous man and works in a school with a bunch of kids. This makes my therapist angry but there is nothing we can do about it.

 

[Philippa]

I think it's okay to announce it to myself. I wasn't implying I was going to tell a bunch of people.

I'll have to think about the label part.

Ah, ok...my mistake. I think I took that the wrong way.

Also my therapist said that anyway he looks at it he can not see how the prostitution part would have ended up good. He says it is to dangerous and to damaging to the person doing the prostitution.

I can see where he is coming from...especially if we are talking about street prostitution. I work with women who have been escorts and prostitutes in the past and they say that some men can get quite nasty.

Even in the work I do, women I work with sometimes go home very upset and crying from having men look down on them (even though they are going there and paying for the service as married men mostly, they have the audacity to think lowly of the women providing the service, instead of looking at themselves).

One friend tonight was humiliated by a client who tried to scare her, by threatening to call the police and did not pay for his extra. She was really upset. I think it is especially dangerous for women who are from other countries who have just arrived here and are also not full citizens yet. They get treated much worse than Australian women do.

 

[Philippa]

I asked if this person realizes what they are doing. Do they realize it is wrong? He said they do but often there view of reality is different, that they are under a delusion and see the child or teenager as their age. They will treat the child or teenager equal to them in terms of age, thinking, and sex etc.

I wonder where do they get these ideas?

It seems like they almost choose to believe this though, as it fits in with their needs being met. I wonder if a person can willingly delude themselves, if they want their desires to be met? I know people justify things in their own minds to go along with what they want every day, so I don't see how it is any different here? Conscious delusion? The mind is a tricky thing, and all kinds of psychosis, hallucinations and justifications can be created there.

It makes me think of Michael Jackson actually. I am not one of these people who believe that he was a paedophile...although I admit I don't know either way. I think he wanted to try and have the childhood her never had, and to do that he pretended he was still a boy and overlooked the inappropriateness of his actions because it suited his need to be a kid again, and get back what he missed out on.

The fact that he was Michael Jackson only served to help him justify in his own mind why he should 'get away with it'. I very much doubt that he did not realize on some level that it was majorly socially unacceptable to sleep with young boys, even if their was no "bad touch".

I went along with the phone sex because I was so used to it from all the other men with the relationship thing going on.

Can I ask, did you ever do phone sex as a job? I can totally understand the thinking of someone who has had that all their life anyway, to fall into that line of work. It would come so naturally I'd imagine. The same goes with prostitution. It would seem like "well, I have done this anyway, may as well get paid for it."

I know after enough dissatisfying and painful relationships with men over the years, it was hard not to think this way "may as well get something out of this sex thing, 'cos I ain't getting much doing it for nothing" I realize it's a different situation all together with me, but I can see the correlations and where the thinking would stem from.

Ironically this person ended up in my city, in the same religious church type thing. I called him out and tried to expose him to the religious leader. He though I was lying. This man who started this relationship is now playing a ultra religious, righteous man and works in a school with a bunch of kids. This makes my therapist angry but there is nothing we can do about it.

That sucks, but good for you for exposing him, or at least trying to. That took guts.

 

[zaniara]

Does anyone else find that sometimes they lose track of the conversation in therapy?

ALL the time!! :)

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Today I realized it has been 10 years since the sexual abuse/grooming first started. I am in a healthy relationship...but I never really realized how long it has been. No wonder some things are foggy...

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Can I ask, did you ever do phone sex as a job?

No. But with these 'relationships' I would get gifts a lot. They would send me things.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

He says it is to dangerous and to damaging to the person doing the prostitution.

I think he also meant mentally. Which would make sense. It was wearing me down fast. Even though the money was good and I did not get hurt looking back I can't see how I would have come out undamaged.

 

[Philippa]

I've got a friend at the moment who is experiencing this wearing down, and it's not even technically prostitution that we work in. The men look down on us, even though they are the ones coming there in the first place, and she is quite vulnerable and gets assholes who like to see if they can hurt her emotionally and mess with her head. I can see it really breaking her down, and she is only young. Other women there are heartless and take the men for as big of a ride as they can (metaphorically)...as in, they will get as much money from them as possible and just play them.

It's a hard industry. I'm not sure how long I will last?