Have You Ever Met Again With Your Childhood Sexual Abuser?

[Zef]

I haven't confronted him, but my siblings have. . .over the phone. I think they felt a little bit better, but not as much as they hoped. If you do want to confront, I would suggest a few things.

1. Check yourself to see if you are up for it. Then wait for a week to see if you are still up for it. Are you prepared for it not going the way you imagine? Are you prepared if he tries to shift blame and shame back onto you? Are you prepared if he gets violent or aggressive? If you are not, you may actually be hurting yourself more than helping.
2. Probably best not to do it face-to-face, especially on his home turf. E-mail, phone or if you really want to do it face-to-face, make sure your posse outnumbers his posse enough to control the situation if it starts going bad. . .and make the location public.

 

[Panda Bear]

I have a friend who, after many years confronted her step-father. He denied ever abusng her, but even though he didn't agree, it was still very therapeutic for her. We've discussed it, and she told me her T helped her, but warned that it almost never goes anywhere....sadly.

I have no desire to confront mine.

And there is a difference between apologizing and repenting.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I've never confronted mine, but I've definitley had to see him more than I would like to. I'm afraid that telling him off will mean that I lose the rest of my family completely, becuse I don't think anyone would believe me, so j end up seeing him at family gatherings. It makes me feel like puking every time. I would much, much rather have zero contact. I'm working towards having the guts to do so.

 

[IrisL]

The shadow of the living:

Question: isn't feel bad to have a family who wouldn't believe you? And they just participate of the happened and happening things?
I made my decision but ended up after 10years my mum believed me, because I got to an asylum for a night...
But the connection was broke by me.
My thought was in that: you couldn't let to not to happen the things, you didn't attention if after that I'm telling to you the truth and can't deal with it - I don't need you in my life because with your non action you are supporting a pedophile.
Tha was my answer to my mum...

I don't need people in my life who can't be there and they are fake... Those people can take them shit and lie, emptiness to somewhere else because I waisted to much precious time of mine - I'm trying to not to let happen again.
Is my time and don't need negative in my psychology battle which would keep me back or worst damage me more.


Better to be alone than with no one ... You are alone just you don't want to see it yet, but the time will come.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

@IrisL It does feel awful to have a family that doesn't belive me, but it feels worse to potentially lose them.

I like parts of my family. Imagining going through the world completely alone feels more devastating than dealing with occasionally seeing my past abuser ....

 

[Changing4Best]

Yes, when my grandmother was on her death bed in a hospital. He (being her husband) of course would walk in while my mother, sister and I were visiting her. SIGH.... suffice it to say that he immediately laced into me because I was leaning against the door. I wanted to leave right away (had moved toward the door, to lead them out with me) and come back at some time when my grandmother was a lone again. My sister and mother were arguing with him about something (I was not listening to what, because I was saying over and over again that we should leave! Finally I said for them to look at Nana's face, which even though she was in a coma was contorted). She had always been the peace keeper in the family, protecting us from him and him from us. For the first time in her life, she could do neither. And so she died the next day. My family did leave her when I said we should do so for the 3rd time before that, when we still here in the H. (She was a battered wife, so I do not hold the peacekeeping againt her).