Have You Ever Met Again With Your Childhood Sexual Abuser?

[IrisL]

So the background - started to go on NHS therapy -cbt
The root: my stepdad sexually done stuffs with me - manipulated to make me think it's normal
From my age 7 until 18years old when he tried again manipulate me...

Nowadays I'm thinking a lots of time when I get angry - I want to fly back and shout all of my thoughts to him or ask questions to him...

He confessed to my mum after she opened her eyes finally ... She attacked him to do so that
But for that I had to reach psychologicly a deep point and get to asylum for a night.

Does it make you feel better to say the things to him? For a person who thinks and believes he didn't do anything wrong and bullshitting lying all around ...
Or ask the question what you would like to know? When you know he will lie and he will manipulate...
You know he don't have remorse of what he did, he has only remorse because his kids are know it and has effects on them relationship...

What does happens when you meet with your abuser?
Thinking of if I would meet with him these are the scenarios which could happen:
1 I freeze and can't do nothing - maybe he sexually assault me again or maybe he rape me , because I freeze down that much
2 manipulate me to feel myself guilty like I caused it - when I know I'm not
3 I get so angry I will be aggressive and may kill him...

If you meet with your abuser for your own good, what could help for you?
If it's exist to be helpful.,,
Is it important? Could be useful? Could be that helpful?
If yes when? What are the circumstances which can cause good for you?

A lots of time I feel I would like to see him again - to know what I feel, what I will react...
But does it worth it?

One way I wish he would have fear ... Sometimes I would wish when he has so much fear he would get a heart attack in front of me...

Sometimes I'm thinking to play out to him I killed myself and after I would show up at his place to reach that...

But what would change if he is dead... Nothing his damage is still in repaired in me and even his death or suffering will not give me back my childhood or neither the person who I could be if the things wouldn't happened... The fatal damage is done and you never be who you you could be without the sexual abuse....

Thoughts? Experience?
Did anyone had positive experience about to meet with your abuser?


Thank you for reading

 

[Stickler]

Don't confront him. Report him.
If he is convicted he can't hurt any other kids, and will get punished for what he did.
He'll never feel sorry.

 

[IrisL]

In my country - Hungary - after x years the proof is lost itself and never go to court or examined...
I can't.

 

[IrisL]

Why shouldn't confront him?

 

[Stickler]

Ah. If you can't report him, it's really not worth messing with him.

 

[Stickler]

He will lie, distort the truth, and make excuses for what he did...if he admits he did anything at all.

 

[IrisL]

Sounds like nothing I can do.

 

[Lucycat]

My father contacted me last year, wanting to meet and apologise for what he did when I was a child. I refused. He has no remorse - he simply wants the opportunity to manipulate me further.

No way would I go and confront him now. Even though he was prosecuted and found guilty, he still thinks it is excusable. Never.

 

[Fadeaway]

Please be careful. Yeah, I think it is easy to want to fantasize that we can confront our abusers and be the one in control this time. I wish I hadn't.

I was feeling a bit gutsy because I had just gotten engaged and was feeling good, but I wanted closure so I could start my new life. I drove out to my child home, that I could never go to, even to see my grandparents because he was there.

I laid into him, I used the words I knew would piss him of the most. He didn't say a word, just punched me in face shattering my glasses into my face.

My grandmther telling me she would never forgive me if I reported him, I dutifully begged the Dr. I saw right afterward not to call the police. I could have had him locked away that day, but I was so afraid of being rejected by my grandmother and having her hate me, I internalised it, and blamed myself. I guess I still kind of do. It was an expensive trip, medical bill (medicare won't pay if someone else is at fault) plus replacing my glasses.

A far cry from my confrontation fantasies. In the end, I was only retraumatized.

 

[Casper1018]

I sent my abuser a very long e-mail detailing everything he did to me and how it affected me then and now. It was very therapeutic to get it off my chest. He wrote back and asked for forgiveness, which was more than I was expecting but didn't answer any of the questions I asked about why he did what he did. Maybe you can write a letter and decide whether or not you want to send it. Just writing was therapeutic for me.

 

[Nyssa]

Like the others, I wouldn't recommend meeting with him. Writing can help thought.

Before you do (or don't), you could review your hopes and expectations. Do you only feel the need to express your feelings and pain? Are you hoping for any sort of recognition? Etc.

I reported both my abusers -- father and brother.

Before I did, I kicked them out of my life. In my farewell e-mail to my brother, I told him he was a maniac and should seek help. To my father, I wrote the most insulting words I could find.

I didn't want to talk to them, much less meet with them. I was afraid my brother would successfully manipulate me again. And once I had stopped pretending everything was ok with my father, it appeared the man scared me to death.

Writing to them helped a little, at the time. It felt like I was freeing myself from them (there was still a long way to go on that road, but it was the first step for me). Insulting my father actually released some of the hate I had, and it helped with the revenge fantasies.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

No, and I wouldn't. I think writing a letter is a good idea. Please just stay away from him physically.