I think I understand,
@shimmerz , and think it is wonderful you are trained in those skills. I do believe your deep personal understanding, and genuineness to help, would be sensed by others. That would give people courage to have a voice.
I suppose looking back to the present, I see it somewhat individualized to history and temperament, and a host of features, including the process for me of reaching out or speaking about what is secret being loaded with triggers itself. And whether it's more a 'male-mentality' (loosely termed, that of being find a solution), or seeking someone to listen (more characteristic of females- but not me). For me, when I first spoke to a professional though admittedly didn't confess SI proper, I felt so bad I went and attempted. (He didn't 'care', in any sense). Decades later when it resurfaced I contacted a help line and over 3 days of communication felt appreciably worse. Idk if they cared or not-they only asked questions? But every answer made me feel worse, because there was no feedback. So I had only 2 choices: silence, or somewhere else. I think that's how I ended up here originally.
But then, in my mind, I realize that's also a heavy burden to drop on a friend. And there is always risk of having it used against you, or shame. But in a way, it's not the same kind of shame as simply, 'what will that person think of me now?', though that's included, but for me rather, 'what do I think of me now, now that someone else irl knows/ is a witness?' Because Idk about others, but by that point I've been too far run down to have the energy or strength to care about shame, proper. Who cares what people think of you if in your mind you're not going to be there for long, anyway.
So a bit of: those who have the most qualifications to give words can result in more damage (to me), but those unqualified might be damaged by my words. :(
I think however if one survives telling a friend, and that friend is a real friend/ trustworthy, the dynamic usually includes enough history and honesty to not BS, but also be seen as something other than just the totality of SI, or it's connotation. And that helps me to see myself within a context of not just being defined as that is all there is to me, or ever will be. And it can be done within the typical dyadic of friendship- laughing, or angry or sad or whatever emotions arise. A lot can be said with few words with a friend, because there isn't BS or appearances. There is trust in them and their words, because they are said with knowledge of who or how you are.
I heard it said, "we would never say 'you are chickenpox' , we would say 'you have chickenpox' ". (Real) friends do that, and I believe so do people who care, including expert professionals who care.
Even professionally, I believe people who are feeling these kinds of thoughts should have a place and an audience to express them honestly without being punished.
Yes. ^^ I suspect why people pre-suppose a friend will be less likely to, too. Or they wouldn't call them 'friend'.
