ED Haven't eaten in over 4 days, i actually don't want to.

[KwanYingirl]

Good job!! You don't have to be afraid to call the hotline Stenni found for you. You've been struggling long enough. This could be a great breakthrough for you. Try it!!!!

 

[Deleted member 28862]

Is it normal to be afraid of calling?

 

[Sandstone]

It is so completely normal! I'd expect to spend several days playing with the idea in my mind, and then on the day I made up my mind to do it I'd pace round the house the house for a couple of hours before actually making the call, probably having trouble breathing. But maybe you are braver than me?

Remember, the person you speak to will expect you to be nervous, they are used to it.

 

[KwanYingirl]

You can be afraid to call. It's an entirely new experience for you. You can also tell the person you speak to that you are afraid. It's a good thing, really, to be able to identify your feelings. Their goal is to help you. The first steps can be the hardest, but the outcome may have a much needed connection for you.

 

[Deleted member 28862]

A part of me is afraid and another part...I don't know, the other part just doesn't want to.

 

[KwanYingirl]

That sounds normal, don't you think? It takes a leap of faith to reach out for help. I'm sure you have a lot of wondering how it will play out. You don't have to give your name or where you live. Perhaps you could write down some questions you need answers to and would like help answering those questions. "I need guidance with my PTSD. Do you know who could help me?" "sometimes I don't feel hungry for several days. Do you know where I can get help for that?" I never discuss my rape history with the hotline. It's the long term effects of it that trip me up and I get suicidal. They get it, we chat for awhile, they give me phone numbers for suicide hotlines (I like the rape and assault operators better than the suicide hotline) they help me get out of my own way.

Just think about it. Who would donate their time to take calls to help women with rape and assault histories?? People like us!!!! What they have that we don't is the lay of the land where you live. There may be several therapists on the island that you don't know about. They wouldn't recommend anyone that isn't simpatico with your situation. And clearly you are struggling. And clearly you absolutely deserve support and guidance despite your families disinterest. That's a pretty common family dynamic concerning psychology.

I am virtually walking beside you even though you can't see me. You're not alone. We're all here for you. Just gather up your courage and dip your toes into the water. Seriously, you need to build a support system so you can move forward towards a happy life. Good luck, I'll be sending out thoughts of wellness for you.

 

[Deleted member 28862]

@KwanYingirl Thank you so so so much for that advice. I always think more negatively than positively because of my past, I don't know what to do when it comes to the situation of moving towards a happy life, I know I need to move out and get a new job but those two things can't be done. I know it's better to remove myself from the negative but...I can't. Thank goodness for my 3 dogs.

But I actually called, calling isn't the problem, saying what I have to say is. I'd call and freeze up and after a few confused "hello's" I'd snap back and quickly hang up the phone. In the end I ended up sending an e-mail.

But I'm really glad I can get some support from everyone here

 

[KwanYingirl]

That's fantastic!! Sending an email-brilliant!! It's always difficult telling your story, but do it with a trusted trauma therapist. Meanwhile, you've taken a big step forward ! Congrats!

 

[Deleted member 28862]

:happy: aww thank you, hopefully they reply, I've been refreshing my email ever since haha~ Thanks again for the support

 

[Sandstone]

You are truly courageous. Well done.