Having A Bad Day - Pregnancy And PTSD

[SunnyBrookFarm]

Oh Macpayne - how sweet - hearing that heartbeat certainly helped I'm sure.

I remember well (even though it's been years ago) - nothing like that sound at all.

((Hugs)) for mom and baby

 

[NarcSis]

Hey Heather,

Hugs to you. I just wanted to say that I am seriously considering a pregnancy in the upcoming months - I am terrified both for me and for the baby. My trauma dealt directly with pregnancy and I am still pretty antsy around the whole issue but my time (and health) is running out, so my husband and I want a child soon. In an ideal world I would wait until I was sure I was in 'recovery' but I just don't think I can wait another year or two to start a family.
I was tired of people blaming my PTSD on my being of childbearing years and watching such a tragic loss in another person - it had nothing to do with that and that never came to mind during the call. Now here I am over a year after that call and I am feeling my clock ticking down, pressured to start trying for a family and all that COMES to mind now is that stupid call and what happened. It terrifies me now. I am afraid, afraid of the hormonal fluctuations, afraid of my stress increasing, afraid I will inadvertently damage the child. My therapist also planted another worry - how do I cope ALONE with a newborn and PTSD? Will the child be in danger?

I'm terrified. What was it like parenting your first child with PTSD? Did you have to have someone there to help you all the time? Has your doctor indicated any danger to the baby because of fluctutations in stress?

:(

 

[macpayne]

Medic, I can only speak for myself but the first child was hell...to put it bluntly! I wasn't prepared. I didn't have any outside support and I was undiagnosed.
This time around I could built houses! I'm a pillar of strength but very tired!! haha!!
Please don't be so hard on yourself. I don't think your therapist was right in questioning the safety of your child just because you have PTSD. I don't know your history but I can tell you right now that its possible to be a great MOM with PTSD.
Is it hard?....damn right! Is it the greatest gift? Oh yah!!! Am I going to make it?? For sure!!!
I take my meds, I eat healthy, I excercise and I know my limits. I don't pretend this is easy the 2nd time around but I'm definately far better off this time. I have lots of support and I've learned to ask for help.
Hormones are something to get used to but all par for the course The nausea caused me the worst anxiety. I didn't think I was going to make it past the first trimester but I did it! :thumbs-up
Hope this answers your questions Medic.
Best wishes to you!
p.s. If you do decide to get pregnant I would be happy to be your preggers pal should you have any questions or concerns!
Heather

 

[catjudo]

My therapist also planted another worry - how do I cope ALONE with a newborn and PTSD? Will the child be in danger?

Having PTSD does not preclude you from being a good mother.

Getting pregnant with my daughter was unplanned. It was an unexpected but pleasant surprise. I did have some concerns early on, especially because of some medication that I was on at conception, but my psychiatrist made the necessary medication adjustments and assured me that I could get through the pregnancy and I would be a great mother.

At my first OB appointment, my doctor (I had been going to this doctor for about a year prior to my pregnancy) questioned my ability to be a good mother because of my Bipolar Disorder and PTSD. She didn't just question it once and let it go; she kept going at it over and over. At the time I had been stable for quite some time. I pointed this out to her and assured her that I had a really good support system should I get overwhelmed. This wasn't good enough for her as she continued to harp on whether or not I could be a good mother given that I had mental illness.

When I told my psychiatrist about this conversation (at the time I was able to relay it almost word for word) he was pissed. It took him months to reassure me that the OB's concerns were unwarranted and originated out of ignorance. Needless to say, I did not return to this OB but instead found a new one who was far less judgmental.

My daughter will be five years old in just a few weeks. I am a great mother. I have my ups and downs and sometimes wish that I handled things differently or better. But what parent doesn't? When I'm going through a particularly difficult time I doubt myself and think that I'm not a very good parent but that's just part of that negative self-talk that so many of us tend to do. I know that overall I am a great mother. All who know me, when they see me interacting with my daughter, frequently tell me what a great mother I am. Several of my mommy friends say that they wish they could handle things with their child as well as I do with mine. My daughter is happy, healthy, intelligent, creative and has a wide variety of interests and activities.

To those who try to dissuade you from becoming a mother solely because of your PTSD...listen to what they have to say and see if it truly is relevant to your situation. If not, just put it out of your mind. I think the most important thing, however, is to know that you have a good support system in place.

Did I mention...Having PTSD does not preclude you from being a good mother.

 

[NarcSis]

My hope is restored. I know I can parent a child, I KNOW I can, afterall my main concerns have always been for others, so why should this disappear when it comes to my own children?

I have waited to have children because I wanted to take the career route first and I wanted to have the 'nest' before filling it; we worked hard, we have successful careers, we have a home and it seems everything we could ever want, now it is time to take on the responsibility of a child and we both feel we are ready...the PTSD worries me, but I am me, I am not PTSD.

Besides, the child won't know who I used to be, they will know who I am. I want to be a mom who is both fair, firm and emotionally connected to my child - this means anger, frustration, love, caring and everything in between...just like my mom and every mom I know. We don't see our mom's as "PTSD Mom", we just see them as "Mom" for all their good and bad right?

I am improving steadily with my coping ability. I am feeling stronger and stronger every day. The fact that I am thinking about pregnancy at all is proof of this, gosh, in the spring I couldn't even look at a pregnant woman without it triggering anxiety and horrible memories, now look at me! I'm getting better and I am going to be a great parent.

You are all an inspiration to me. You "Mom's" rule!!!