Having a difficult time trusting anyone right now

[Freddyt]

That will keep you in the processing cycle, but also give you some breathing room to regroup?

That's probably been the second hardest part. Was going through that with my T last session.

Knowing when reprocessing ends is difficult at first. You really need to monitor and know your self to figure out when you are reprocessing and not. Cognition is a huge indicator for me. The ability to do things without "brainless" mistakes like grabbing the wrong thing from the fridge, remembering what I'm doing, being able to go to the washroom AND grab a fresh water bottle in two or less trips....

So when I am done hard reprocessing tasks I usually want a break for a week or two at least. Sometimes it's good to look at what is coming up on your calendar too. Holidays (family-even when its good its not great ), medical and dental appointments, trauma anniversaries, and anything stressful you need to do and lay off the reprocessing for a session or two until we are past that.

 

[Freiyah]

I've always had trouble trusting people(I assume due to abandonment and abuse) but anytime I've tried to let that wall down for someone they usually show me I was right to have it up in the first place. Even if I like and/or love someone my trust level of them is likely still not very high.

 

[Friday]

I think I'm done with making new friends. It's hard to trust anyone anymore. Especially men. I avoid people like the plague now but I know that is also not healthy.

My (very!) strong suggestion / word to the wise is not to make big decisions when just starting therapy (or in the middle of any other kind of major stressor).

Think about things, certainly, but call a moratorium on making decisions until you’re in a good place.

Not wanting to put energy into making new friends right now when you’re eyeballs deep in a black hole level energy suck? (A few weeks into EMDR). Is one thing. A very rational / energy conserving / survival mode thing.

But whilst I very much get the now=forever aspect of survival mode & high stress situations? Now is not forever. (I know that may sound super dumb/reductive, but survival mode gets very… urgent… and deals best in absolutes, all or nothing, with an anxiety driven imperative sting in the tail. All aspects that are very useful in an emergency, and brilliant for survival…but absolute shite for living & thriving).

It truly does make sense that you wouldn’t want to make new friends right now, in this moment, with the past flooding you (the nature of trauma therapy) & all available resources directed to surviving that, and maintaining or rebuilding any degree of functionality. Ditto that those lessons learned in trauma will be screeeeaming at you, wirh those events from the past as in sharp a focus as if they happened yesterday. All of them. All at once.

But to translate that into “I think I’m done” is trauma-brain swirling past/present/future all together in one maelstrom of 😵‍💫 PTSD 1+1=64

It’s not fair to you, future-you, or your life.

Even if you come to the exact same decision in 6mo or 6 years (whenever you’ve totally kicked ass with this therapy thing), there’s simply no reason to force that decision on yourself now. It’s okay to wait, to see how things shake out, before making major life decisions. To keep an open mind that whilst you’re considering the hermitage, you may very well need/want/desire differently later.

 

[hotmess]

gentle empathy, warrior. it has never been easy for me to trust. after 2 1/2 years of covidic social distances marginalizing all noncovidic trauma, i often think i have regressed to my pretherapy levels of mistrust. i had some serious present day trauma happen just before the shutdown. i feel far more marginalized today than i did as a child prostitute. closing those social distances feels like more work than it is worth. especially with women. women were the baddest of the **bad guys** in my own childhood. they haven't gotten any nicer with all the empowerment yaddahs.

Me too.

 

[Pdxd2]

I have recently blocked or unfriended several people in my current city. Most of my friends live in another state which makes friendship very difficult. I moved back to my home state after almost 20 years. There was a reason I moved away and never wanted to return. I've been undergoing intensive EMDR therapy for several weeks and I'm more easily triggered now. Most of the people I have deleted from my life have been aggressive, crossed a strict boundary or taken advantage of my kindness. I think I'm done with making new friends. It's hard to trust anyone anymore. Especially men. I avoid people like the plague now but I know that is also not healthy.

You’re not alone I am in the same boat you are. I just keep getting burned and burned and I live in apartments and it’s just people are rude or disturb. Yeah, I don’t trust anybody anybody.
I have a kid reasons not to trust anybody anymore but it just doesn’t stop. I’ll let my guard down in the vulnerable and I’m just I don’t know I can’t make friends anymore. I think they’re always talking about me which I have issues my old apartments. Long story.