He Doesn't Love Me Anymore

[Sideways]

I'm so glad I've been following your posts. Man were they frustrating at first! But to hear you saying "at least I..." instead of "why couldn't I..." is inspiring and (literally) makes me smile.

I don't have to say, coz you already know - the sadness and the pain will come. But right now, it's Anger - firey, healthy anger, and it's great! To quote someone else, "when I get angry, it's because I know I'm worth being angry for". Such a privilege to have watched you move through that:)

 

[Beelady]

I was in a 15 year marriage that was verbally and emotionally abusive. He was a narcissist with OCPD (much differ...

Wow - OCPD. Sure describes him in some ways. The paying great attention to details, lists, money and most of all - no flexibility. He would get downright mean abot it. He just never took it out on me, he just spoke of others to me. Plus he didn't care for any of my friends or work associates.

After a month of dating I was given a list of items that I needed to pay for. It was kind of weird. He bought a $500 camera lens "to help me with my work" and he had it on the list. He went to my house and installed additional lighting, changed bulbs (he is a big LED fan) and misc other things - then he charged me for all of it :/ I thought he was doing it to be helpful. He even charged me for half of the christmas wrapping paper he bought (though I bought & used my own) and anyway that list was $1200. Was a big surprise to me. I paid it. And then I noticed he would buy stuff, be all excited and then before I know it I am paying half a week or so later. '

So last night he sent me an email titled "stuff" and he listed items he believed were at my home and explained he wants them back so he can heal. He would feel better if he had them back and would help him with what he paid out during our relationship (whattt???? he has a scanner I paid half for, a $140 bathroom scale I paid half of, a $500 camera lens....and the stuff he listed - some of it I had already paid for). I don't get it. I even gave him $1500 the day before he asked me to leave to help with oil, electricity (he was sure I cost him $100 on his bill even though I did laundry at my house and well...I didn't get that) etc., I paid him $200 for electricity, paid for the cost to be a notary (he wanted top do that to help me, too) and a variety of stuff that went to $1500. I was just trying to put him at ease. I could not believe last nights email. I did not respond, I don't want to seem trivial. I do however want to ask about the $500 camera lens but I'm just letting it go for now. He made a big point about not wanting to see me, that I could just leave the stuff at his mailbox.

whatever.

I hope he comes around and realizes what a jerk he is being, and I did nothing but love, help since Ive been with him (bought all groceries too I may add). I even brought in $100 worth of food int he minutes before he asked me to leave. He seems so inconsiderate. I can't get over that he has no compassion about my breakdown. Instead just kicks me out and acts like this :(

 

[Beelady]

Thank you Ragdoll Circus

It does hurt like crazy however I'm seeing I had no chance. The meltdown was not like he is saying it was. reminds me of Ben :( He did a lot of "Ben things" that night and the next day and realizing I tapped out - blocked it out or whatever has made me really think about the whole thing. I believe he could have been a bit compassionate and the evening would have been much better. He told me I yelled at him repeatedly that "It was his fault" and I don't remember, I was not drunk, and I don't have anything to blame Tim with. I think I was yelling at Ben or something...dunno. Not an endearing time for sure however had he been having the meltdown I know I would have not been a jerk. He's had a few and I just step back and come in to hold him when he's ready. Help pick up stuff etc. and just listen. I would love to have had him do that for me :(

A**hat he is for sure.

 

[Casey_03]

@Beelady Hallelujah!!! You are finally seeing things clearly and I am so happy! You're on the right track. I hope it is at least slightly easier now that you see he was distorting the situation and making you feel guilty when you had no reason to feel guilty.

 

[Sideways]

Hot dang he sounds like an A-h*le, and that's with a capital A!

Can I just take a moment though, because given what you've been through, you've processed that at, like, super-computer speed.

He ain't getting any more of you, and he ain't getting any more of your money, that's for sure:cool:

 

[Beelady]

Well..........now I feel sick again. Tim and his ex are now engaged. How does that even happen? How on earth can he kick me out and be engaged within one week :( I just want to throw up and crawl back into bed :'(

 

[Mytime]

I have been reading your post and my heart goes out to you. It seems like you are starting to see the big picture now. Please don't start closing your eyes because your hurt. See what is really going on. He is back with his X,but there was a reason why she was his X. Right now he is Fooling Her making her think he has changed. But you can only hind your true colours for so long. If it walks like a duck, quarks like a duck ITS A DUCK. It didn't take him long to show you. Look at it this way , now she will be getting his lists. She'll be getting the bill for shit he feels she owes money for. Trust me it my look good on outside but shit will be brewing on the inside. And you my friend , for free from it all. Work on you,love you. And don't get that f...ker a dime. I wish you the best. I hope I didn't Offend anyone .

 

[Beelady]

You didn't offend Mytime. I appreciate it. Hate my rollercoaster feelings. I so much wanted to believe in Tim. With what Ben put me though I thought Tim was a gift. Now I am looking at the 1st year anniversaries coming up - Tim did this on Bens birthday, my birthday is sunday, my dads anniversary of passing is St paddys day, Ben & I married on April 7 and then he killed himself 5 days later. I hate all of the emotions, flashbacks etc.