He Doesn't Remember

[Casey_03]

My ex-boyfriend who held me in a room for more than six hours and tortured me after unsuccessfully trying to kill me doesn't remember doing it. He doesn't remember threatening to cut my eyes out or waterboarding me. He asked me how I could have PTSD. He has a daughter and a wife now. He's happy.

 

[sun seeker]

I'm so sorry. I can sense the anguish in your post, and some things I am at a loss to name.

But how do you know he doesn't remember? I'm guessing he told you so. But someone capable of those kinds of atrocities is also likely a pathological liar. Those kinds of people will not only hurt you physically, they'll lie so convincingly that they make you doubt your sanity. I'm so sorry that you had the bad luck of having one of these people in your life.

 

[darrenS]

why would you even want to talk to the guy is beyond me, the hardest part about fronting a perpetrator is they will 99% of the time deny everything, its not worth the pain and frustration it can bring, i would suggest if your looking for closure , that you look within and only concentrate on you.

We burn an enormous amount of energy , thinking about our abuse, our perpetrators and so forth, and its ok if its part of our healing or closure , but at some point we have to reclaim our thoughts to a greater extent, this may mean that every time he creeps into your mind, find an exercise or activity or something that will lead you to address your thought pattern and find a positive reaction or response everytime it appears.

I would also set a clear boundary for myself , anyone that exhibits questionable behaviour or responses , i would immediately put in the background, for people like your ex, i would ensure he is cut off completely, i would then look at my own reasons for having any contact with him and address those with a therapist

 

[shimmerz]

He has a daughter

:cry: :cry: :cry:

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Pity the wife. Pity the daughter. Pray for them as they will need it.

You survived and can heal from this. I doubt they are happy. Why do you say they are happy?

They are unaware of the potential nightmare that awaits them.

 

[moonbeam]

The post says "He's happy" doesn't say they are. We can only hope that his family is okay.

As Darren said, look internally for closure. You don't need him to validate your experience. Most people who behave like that are going to lie about it. And frankly I would stop talking to him if you can.

While I can imagine it hurts to think that you are tormented by his actions and he doesn't appear to care. But you don't need his caring. You survived. Now look to the same strength to help you move forward with recovering.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Thanks for correcting me @moonbeam. I love it when people point out that I'm not perfect.

 

[Beachlife09]

@Casey_03 I know how you feel. Scary how many similarities there were in my trauma that were in yours :O_o:
One of my captors is married and has children and when I saw them with him acting all normal and happy... it unnerved me. It does hurt.
I'm so sorry he's lying to you. But as much as possible, stay away from him. Please stay safe :hug:

 

[shrinkingviolet]

He does remember but may be putting up a front as if nothing happened. The nightmare inside him will eventually break through his glass house, God help his family. But you, you are so much stronger, you are a survivor and he doesn't deserve one more moment of your precious time. You don't need his validation to take back control and move forward.

 

[WildMermaid]

@Casey_03 I'm so glad you survived! Everyone above has good advice as to how to proceed. I agree with @Solara "Pity the wife. Pity the daughter. Pray for them as they will need it.

You survived and can heal from this. I doubt they are happy. Why do you say they are happy?

They are unaware of the potential nightmare that awaits them." Wishing you peace.

 

[Justmehere]

I'm not surprised he denies it ever happened. Of course he would. If he admits and faces what he did to you, then that increases his chances for many many decades in jail.

p.s. He does belong in jail. He committed attempted murder and kidnapping, for starters. People who commit those crimes are not happy well adjusted souls living healthy lives. Nor are the people who live with them.

I'm glad you survived and got free of him. I'm sorry he isn't rotting in jail right now, where he belongs.

 

[moonbeam]

I love it when people point out that I'm not perfect.

Sorry I didn't mean it like that! I don't actually know what I meant by it. I think I was going more along the lines of we only know that he's said he is happy and nothing about them and we can just hope they are. Though if they are and he's treating them badly too than it isn't good that they think they are happy.

Sorry my brains in a weird place.