He will never understand

[Punky143]

That is- my husband. In the past, during some trying times, I wasn't able to work or function. Over time I got better but every so often I hear him say things like "get over myself", "my poop doesn't stink anymore than anyone else's", "don't be so sensitive", "get over myself", "suck it up", "I'm crazy" etc etc. He doesn't believe in mental health for the most part. He thinks all people with mental health issues can control it, in our heads. It leaves me even more lonely.
Then, at work its similar. My boss is a male and since the day i met him he's a liar, manipulates, doesn't listen and overall does no supervision. I spend my days again lonely, wanting to learn, wanting to talk over my work, feel like I'm contributing something, part of a team. But he doesn't care.
I go to work and go home. I go from one invalidating environment to another and I'm losing my mind and becoming more and more angry yet silent...miserable

 

[Deleted member 19804]

I'm sorry to hear you're in this situation. It's so easy for people who have had no mental health problems to say you should just "get over it". They wouldn't tell someone with a broken leg to just get over it and start running again. Having your boss treat you that way is one thing, but if anyone should be supportive it's your husband! His behaviour is downright disrespectful and that's not okay.

I can understand the feeling of wanting to retreat into your own little space where people don't bother and question you. But as you are saying yourself: you're still getting more angry, so this is not doing enough. Have you talked to your husband about what how his words make you feel? And are you seeing a therapist? Perhaps he needs to hear from a professional what it's really like to live with mental illness.

Hugs to you if you accept them :hug:

 

[Punky143]

I'm sorry to hear you're in this situation. It's so easy for people who have had no mental health pro...

Yes, I have a therapist. 10 years and counting. I guess what I've dealing with is past trauma and triggers and my younger parts are terrified. My husband has no idea about my internal family and it's best for now. My younger parts are...experiencing everything...

 

[I_Am_Titanium]

I'm also sorry to hear what you're going through. As I went through EMDR dealing with my past trauma and triggers, my husband at the time wasn't supportive. He invalidated and minimized my feelings, thoughts, experiences. He gaslighted me trying to make me think I was crazy. It was awful.

You sound like me. I got angrier about it but kept silent and I was very miserable. I wasn't able to talk to him about his behavior and how it made me feel. Whenever I tried, he minimized it yet again or even worse, he justified his behavior. I eventually realized/found out he's BPD\NPD. It explained a lot but didn't excuse his behavior.

I didn't give up on my therapy, though. It took time to get to a point where I could stand up for myself. I eventually felt strong enough to tell him how I felt doing my best to be calm and respectful. To be honest, it didn't go well and I ended up divorcing him. However, I've never been happier.

One of the additional problems I had was that I wasn't able to work on my really bad triggers and trauma with my therapist because I didn't have an emotionally stable environment in which I felt safe. It came down to a choice for me. In order to continue my healing, I had to leave him. He wasn't healthy for me. He would intentionally trigger me thinking he was "helping". It made things much worse for me.

That is my situation, though. Yours may be completely different. I'm not telling you that you have to leave him or your job. I wish I had some good advice for you other than to hang in there and do what you are able to do to help yourself continue your journey to heal, even if it's baby steps. You are not crazy. You are not alone in this. *hugs*

 

[Punky143]

I'm also sorry to hear what you're going through. As I went through EMDR dealing with my past tra...

Thanks. I feel all alone in this confusing world..

 

[EveHarrington]

I can't imagine being married to someone who doesn't give a damn.

Is there a reason why you're staying with him?

 

[Friday]

I go to work and go home. I go from one invalidating environment to another ...

Changing jobs is less of a hassle than getting a divorce, so maybe start there?

Or, whilst looking for better work, add a 3rd place you go that isn't an invalidating environment?

 

[I_Am_Titanium]

Thanks. I feel all alone in this confusing world..

You're welcome. Being in invalidating environments like that fosters the feeling of being alone. It sucks and it's not easy to deal with. You are most definitely not alone.