Head Games

[KT2]

Bf of 6 mos, who has PTSD, jumped me this week. He did a lot of saying one thing and doing another. Or saying one thing one day and the opposite the next. It was very frustrating. I'd like to hold out hope that he'll make up his mind but I'm not sure he is capable of that. How does PTSD play a role in a case like this?

 

[driftaway]

I think I need more information. It's possible he could be suffering from flashbacks during those times he says one thing and does another. Or it's possible that he's avoiding triggers. What was he saying when he jumped you?

 

[KT2]

I think I need more information. It's possible he could be suffering from flashbacks during those times h...

I'm so sorry, he DUMPED me. He was never violent or abusive. He said one day he wants me in his life and misses me. The next day he's not sure. Or he said he doesn't want to see me, then 2 days later stopped by my work

 

[driftaway]

I am not sure about your ex in particular but PTSD makes people behave in funny ways. It's entirely possible that he is acting out of fear or anxiety. If you really thought you had something together, talk to him about that. Ask him if there's something you can do to support him. If he's working through his PTSD, now may not be the time for him to be in a relationship. Everyone heals on their own timeline. It's hard to give advice or specifics when we don't know anything about your relationship or his trauma. Good luck.

 

[KT2]

I am not sure about your ex in particular but PTSD makes people behave in funny ways. It's entirely possi...

Thank you :)

 

[anonymous]

Sounds to me like your average human who is not ready to be in a committed relationship.

Maybe a more casual relationship would suit better.

 

[Klo]

Do you know that he has been diagnosed with PTSD, or did he just tell you has PTSD?

The reason I ask is that sometimes a person with a personality disorder who is malignant, will scapegoat using things they don't have in order to make you feel sorry for them and put up with more games. And they make a bad name for people who really do have those issues in the process.

A common example is sociopaths who claim they have high functioning autism, in order to get pity and to get away with things, while also making a bad name for people on the spectrum.

A person with PTSD is still capable of being mature and respectful of your feelings. They might engage in those behaviors, but when they are calm, they are capable of owning up to it, explaining that they know their behavior must be hurtful and confusing for you, apologizing, and owning up to the reality that they're not ready yet, or that they need some outside help like therapy if they are going to make a relationship work. PTSD does not affect our ethics or who we are as people.

If he never owns up to how his behavior affects you, then it doesn't matter whether he has PTSD or not, because there is something else wrong.

 

[KT2]

Do you know that he has been diagnosed with PTSD, or did he just tell you has PTSD?

The reason I ask is tha...

That's very interesting. He only said, "You haven't seen my PTSD or night sweats." He said, "You are a threat to me" meaning he was developing feelings and was worried he would get hurt. The relationship was mostly about him and his needs. After a 2 hour conversation Friday night he/we ended it. Then he called me Sunday morning. I'm relieved to not have this in my life any more. If his past is this much of his present, I don't want it in my future. I wish him the best and hope he finds healing and happiness. Thank you all for your thoughts and well wishes to you all, too!

 

[KT2]

I am not sure about your ex in particular but PTSD makes people behave in funny ways. It's entirely possi...

I think "fear" and "anxiety" are key. He hasn't healed enough to be in a place to have a relationship. I told him I wished he told me about his PTSD sooner so I had an idea of what I was getting into. I accepted him unconditionally but he still didn't trust. His past is not behind him and I refuse to be treated like his fears and anxieties are my fault. We/he ended it Friday night. As much as I gave him reason to work things out, I really wanted to, I'm actually relieved we're done. As much as I appreciate how he got PTSD and feel for his sacrifice, I just don't want his drama in my future. When he's having a good day and is his old self he shines so bright. But I won't be mistrusted and put in a position to constantly prove myself. That's not being happy together, that's being controlled. Thank you so much for your thoughts, I appreciate it and this forum. Happy healing!