Heh. Panic Reaction To Editorial Notice.

[Lisa]

I think it's safe to say that nobody likes to realise that they've broken a rule, unintentionally.

As usual perception is everything huh? "Hey, listen, can you not do that here? It makes it harder to x, y or z. This is just a system to manage a mass of people, but serves just as a reminder. Thanks" feels totally different to perceiving something much more personally directed: "YOU have done something WRONG!"...

In general life, on and off forum, I can easily frequent to the latter, when often the former is all is intended! For me I think it's a mixture of sensitivity to feeling 'But I didn't mean it! That is so unjust! I'm not a terrible person!', and worrying 'Am I really that awful?', and therefore if I don't watch myself, I am keen to the first port of emotionally over personalising. These days, I take a few moments to check myself out and that has really helped me to move through the initial ouch to something which I think is more realistic...

To a degree, I think all this is natural though. But in PTSD degrees... everything is magnified!! Add in lack of tone of voice, facial expression and body language that comes with an internet forum... and it's even easier to end up feeling like we're in the aftermath of an attack that has left us feeling like a deflated lilo!

I think opening up a discussion about it is applaudable though. Because we can all relate and identify in some way... I think even the staff here can. I've seen them get a lot of flack over the years I've been here, and as humans who are sufferers and carers themselves, their emotions can be vulnerable to some rustling at those times too I am sure. Have to say I'm impressed at the generally calm tone of this forum. A lot of forums are pretty irate places!

The authority stuff is pretty important in getting to why it happens, I think. Mindset of 'us' and 'them' is not very conducive calm emotions. But again... such an easy thing to fall into. We all had primary 'caregivers' (sure that term can be questionable in some cases) and went to school where everything was about authority and discipline... so there's a fair whack of conditioned mindset going on to begin with...

L.

 

[anni]

I haven't been here very long, only a few months, I think, but the tone is indeed pretty even. It seems to me there's an awful lot of though involved as to where 'the line' is drawn when some contentious theme is raised. The moderators will actually close a thread if it looks like there's a need, and various members will be banned for violating infractions but there's always plenty of warnings and explanations beforehand. It all blends into somewhere which does end up being a 'safe' place to get triggered, you know?

Nice to see others feel the same way-that it's a really good, safe place to come.

Take care,

Anni

 

[anthony]

Its not uncommon for some individual to come along at times and question the rules, usually being a new member who doesn't like something but really has no real concept of why the rules exist and how they have been developed here. It is quite common that these individuals are trolls, and they are quickly removed. Sometimes they are not though and have legitimate enquiries or expressions about the rules... though the simple end to the entire rules debate is that you choose to be here. If so, you comply, if not, no more worries.

This forums policies have developed over the years with a lot of trial and error, actual experience is what built the rules and typically via members themselves raising things where a majority at the time wanted something implemented or removed. People question as to why they do whatever they want on another forum and not here... well, because that's the way it is.

The real trick to this forum now continuing to run successfully is the members themselves. The forum has an established feel to it, methods and attitude. People come into this forum and either conform to what the members want or they try to buck against the members. Staff often don't have to do a thing here, as its more members give it to those who want to disrupt the community and really take care of most of the issues... staff merely perform the act of stopping the person on behalf of what the members usually would do themselves if they have the ability.

Absolutely concur with you Anni... that it is good that you can discuss things here and not have to worry about arguments and such, as any such thing is stopped rather quickly if its no longer a healthy discussion / debate. Llama stated on the first page of here, whether this sort of thing upset me or not based on my response on the first page... not really. Not much phases me on this forum nowadays... I do tend to get tired of the same argumentative issues being raised, yes... but this is actually quite constructive in nature within this thread.

When I initially introduced the infraction system to the forum, it didn't sit well and members wanted change. So it was a compromise between staff and the forum members and how things were actually done in relation to the infraction notices. Members then assisted to write a more subtle notice, which is the one you have now, vetted by the majority until happy. Though they understood that with an active membership of over 1000 members now, actively posting within a 7 - 14 day period, that is a lot of people to manage from only a few people. So the trick is to not have to manage people in the first place, but instead get everyone working quickly from a common set of rules and policies, thus no longer having to manage existing members but instead only concentrate on getting new members into the rules and policies as quickly as possible in a way that we don't have to write personal messages or become biased with members.

At one point, it was getting to the stage where 4+ hours of my time was with PM's, daily... rules issues, then the discussion that went on with each person, etc. Now... I rarely get a PM on here because a system that removes bias as much as possible now effectively takes care of new member management for the most part, being the infraction system. It has also been progressively fine tunes over time and continues to improve.

 

[ces]

Luckily I was able to curb those responses (well I say luck, but it's actually been years of therapy that enabled me to curb those responses, let's give credit where credit is due.) then go back and re-read the message and realize that it wasn't even a minor slap on the wrist. I wasn't being punished, no one was angry at me. All it was, was a "Hey, could you try and remember to do this in the future please?"

But boy was that 'non-compliance' line freaky to me. Has anyone else experienced a similar reaction to that message?

I haven't experienced reaction to that message in particular, however I can identify with the gut reactions that happen before you really think about it and then having the ability to curb that response due to many years of therapy. Giving that credit where it's due :clap: Sounds like you did a good job thinking it through.