Hell

[Powder]

I agree with Fadeaway. You're going through hell, as your title correctly stated. It's scary being in hospital and with a first pregnancy drawing to the final stretch. I really feel for you. The feeling of being so pregnant is, itself, a hardship most don't talk about.

This is very high stress on you and your body.

Did you get sleep in snatches yet? Food? Sipping water, staying hydrated?

 

[joeylittle]

I also second @Anarchy's suggestion. I know you have a (understandably) low opinion of the consulate, but this is one of the reasons they exist. Someone over there will very likely be able to support you - even if it's just emotional support, patient advocacy, and help with social services.

It's all looking so bleak right now, and I can almost hear it as I read your words.

I won't say 'oh look here's the silver lining' - that's not realistic. And I think some of it right now is just finding a way to accept that you are in some really really shitty back-against-the-wall situations with your health, your job, your ex-pat-ness.

So it's a shitstorm. As much as you can, understand that you are sitting in the eye of that storm until it settles. It will settle. It might not settle nicely, but things will shift. Until then, the more you can accept that this is where you are right now, without giving into thoughts about how it will all turn out - the better.

Please contact the consulate. Please please please.

 

[Casey_03]

@joeylittle @Anarchy I do appreciate the suggestion about the consulate, but I have to disagree that they would do anything. There's absolutely nothing they could do. They can't get me out of the hospital because I am hooked up to tubes that, if removed, will damage my kidney. Basically, the consulate would have to be able to force the Ukrainian doctors to re-do the surgery and take out the tubes, but they have no authority to do that. I don't know what they could offer in the way of patient advocacy, because they'd just be repeating to the doctors what I have already told them --- they have no jurisdiction other than to just repeat what I'm already saying. They would be helpful if there were a language barrier, but there isn't. Honestly, I'm not thinking ahead right now or worried about how it will turn out. I just want to sleep. I'm on 4 days now with no sleep, am constantly sick and dizzy, cannot stand up without fainting, have trouble breathing, there is blood now coming out of my kidney (no urine, just blood). I just want to sleep. That's all I want. I tried to sleep next to a toilet earlier, somewhere where it'd be quiet, but a janitor threw me out. Apparently they don't realize what sleep deprivation does. I spent all night calling adoption agencies in the U.S. No one wants my baby because he's being born in Ukraine. I can't even find him an adoptive home.

 

[joeylittle]

Sending you lots of love - and a tiny bit of nag - said with much caring: maybe they couldn't do anything practical, but someone could sit with you and make the janitor mind his own business. And that could help, a little.

If there is anything at all I can do, please PM me.

We are all here for you.

 

[digger]

I do appreciate the suggestion about the consulate, but I have to disagree that they would do anything. There's absolutely nothing they could do.

They may not be able to do anything practical about your situation, but what they could do is be a face (for you) that is not connected to the hospital, and someone to at least hear you and what you are going through? Would it make things any worse to call them? If not, then I'd strongly suggest calling them anyway just for that different voice/face/pair of ears xxx

 

[Anarchy]

Getting a visit from the consulate would also point out to the hospital that you are not totally alone, and that they will be held to account for your treatment.

 

[Casey_03]

I think you guys are giving the consulate too much credit here. They don't do go out of their way with visits like that unless you are being held hostage or are a political prisoner, or perhaps if you've been arrested for something and have no one else to help you. I called them to ask if there were any options for me and they said all they could do is contact my relatives in the States for me, which is pretty much what I suspected. I don't think the hospital is abusing me or trying to take advantage of me, I think they just went about doing this surgery all wrong and failed to explain to me that I'd literally be held in the hospital for weeks in conditions that are incredibly dangerous for PTSD. They don't understand PTSD or sleep deprivation, so every attempt I make to explain to them that I will soon suffer a nervous breakdown just fails. If I go into labor in this condition, having been sleep deprived for days, and then having to have kidney surgery AGAIN right after delivery, I can pretty much guarantee postpartum psychosis. Which is also not recognized here. This is my concern. I've already been trying to set up an adoption so at least there is that, but most adoption agencies don't seem to want to help find a family for a baby born overseas.

 

[Neverthesame]

Sorry for not saying something sooner.

I wish I had an answer for you.

I am here for you and listening. Not much I know, but it's all I have.

 

[Anarchy]

The consulate may well go out of their way if they have a couple on congress critters on the phone to them
I think that we all have some knowledge about how to feed the personality type/ touch the ego G spot of everyone in that chain;

helping a brave young American who's working to bring home the truth from a war zone, babies, holding x,y&z to account, checks and balances ...

all the buzz words that they can put onto their social media and into a local newspaper article

Machiavellian, yes (and so are all of the critters)
but hopefully it would get you a bit of help

 

[hodge]

Damn, Casey, I am so sorry to hear about all that you are going through. I wish I could think of some way to help you.

Please hang in there.

 

[void]

I am thinking about now. I am thinking about how I want to jump out the window and I am imagining what...

You body will flood with Oxytocin at delivery.
Trust your body.
Talk to your baby in your mind....tell him/her the truth about your fear, your pain.
Be honest within.
Don't judge yourself...accept your feelings.
You are in a trauma state.....wanting that baby out of you is a fight/flight survival response....accept how you feel....your mind is desperate....chant to yourself "I will survive" over and over

We believe in you...you will make it:hug::hug::hug: