Hell

[mary1979]

Ok. So (pre)eclampsia.

Usually the 'cure' for this condition is to take the baby out earlier.
My gf had all her babes delivered at 37 weeks by c section because of it.

Ffs this mob do shit the hard way.

So they must have put a stent in? Your kidneys are failing.
Did your previous doc not monitor your blood pressure or check for swelling even?
Idiots.

I'm glad you are not at work.
I read the earlier messages wrong and thought you were back at work now.

You poor thing, this is all being handled very terribly, but at least they are keeping you alive I guess.

Hugs Casey, what you are going through is bad enough, but alone?
I couldn't even imagine.

I still think delivering babe should have been their priority, but thank heavens for your new doc because you would both be dead now otherwise.

You will feel differently when this is all over, be proud, you have fought long and hard for you both to get you this far, it will be over soon xxx

 

[Casey_03]

They now tell me that I will have to keep this tube in my kidney for several weeks after birth. I have no idea how I am going to be able to take care of the baby, feed him and still take care of my own piss bag that I will have to empty constantly. I also don't know how I will be able to sleep with it jutting out of me, especially when I will be worried enough about breastfeeding and the baby. i do not want this baby. I feel nothing for him. I now have every single prerequisite for postpartum depression and I want to jump out of the window. They will have to move me to a mental hospital. They don't do postpartum depression here.

 

[mary1979]

They now tell me that I will have to keep this tube in my kidney for several weeks after birth. I have...

Honey, you haven't even met him yet

You have no idea about the overwhelming emotions you may feel once you look in those eyes

Think only of NOW. Forget tomorrow or yesterday they are not where your residing, only now.


You are frightened and alone, and its ok to feel what you are feeling.
But don't try to predict the future,
It will come whether you worry or not.

Like everyone else, id love to come smack some idiots in that hospital around for you right now, you should damned well be receiving pain relief.
You must be in agony.

I wish they'd just get that baby out of you so you could at least get a glimpse of something good, a reason to fight :(

Please don't underestimate the power of your maternal instinct, its there xxx

 

[Casey_03]

I am thinking about now. I am thinking about how I want to jump out the window and I am imagining what my lifeless, crumpled body will look like. I have no maternal instinct. It's just not there.

 

[mary1979]

I am thinking about now. I am thinking about how I want to jump out the window and I am imagining what...

Its not 'there' til you meet.

And id be looking at that window the same way if I were you, kidney failure is bloody awful, one of mine died while I was pregnant at 16 (not eclampsia, i had an undiagnosed duplex that was flushing back on itself)
You don't know pain til you've felt that crap.

But you? You're a fighter.
You aren't going to quit because you are stronger than that.

Keep venting it here, at least we can all be here for you in some small way.

But you wont give up.
You are made of much tougher stock.

Join those crying women.
Scream the hospital down if you need.

 

[Casey_03]

Trust me. I will give up. I already have.

 

[mary1979]

You're still here honey.

Thats not defeat.

And you've made it, how far?
Bloody months of discomfort would have got you to this point

Eclampsia takes AGES to develop, you've been in unnecessary pain for a very long time now (perhaps your whole pregnancy) and you've dealt.

Then you survived surgery with no pain relief on top.

You are pretty incredible in my book.

This kids been so hard fought for that there is no way you will give up on the last lap.

You so got this.

 

[mary1979]

You're not done.

Cant you see how much you've already made it through?

You are so close to the finish line that I can smell it from Australia.

 

[Casey_03]

I don't have preclampsia. There wasn't even protein in my urine. One kidney was just not functioning at full capacity. I had high blood pressure before, and different doctors said it could be preclampsia but then my condition improved. This whole surgery and hospitalization was unnecessary, i never agreed to have them insert a tube. They did that without consrnt. I told my doctor i have ptsd and cannot stay in the conditions here and he did not listen. Now i am worse, cutting myself and have bashed head against wall repeatedly. Have not slept in days and will not eat. The baby will die, and honestly i no longer care cause i don't plan on sticking around either.

 

[mary1979]

I don't have preclampsia. There wasn't even protein in my urine. One kidney was just not functioning a...

I found it really fkn strange that they operated rather than induced labor.

Was wondering if that was more cultural than anything, i know some countries will not induce labor.

One kidney not operating at full capacity is pretty irrelevant, I've been running on one cylinder for most my life.

They're all idiots, here included.

Please don't hurt yourself.
You are worth much more than that.

I was thinking before of ideas to bring on your labor earlier.
But it would be difficult in your position

Creepy as hell, I'm sorry.
But i think you should try this.

Stimulate your nipples.
Get your body reacting to baby naturally.
There's nothing else im sorry :(

 

[Fadeaway]

Casey, It must be unbearable to feel the way you and be in the situation you are in. No one can say for sure if you will feel differently after the baby is born, I am resolved to not judge you for feeling the way you feel.

I would like you to think about how your physical situation is impacting the mental and emotional situation. How you feel about the baby is irrelevant to the fact that you're not only experiencing a medical crisis that would test anyones emotional strength you body is doing the toughest job a body can do, sustaining another life outside of your own. Pregnancy hormones alone test even the happiest mother to be's mental health. So the thoughts you are having? The feelings you are having? I think you have pretty much earned the right to feel that way and then some.

Getting through this is not going to be easy, but try and remember that your emotions are amplified x20 or more due to the hormones and physical strain of pregnancy on top of everything else. It doesn't change much but at least you know there is a good reason behind what you are feeling.

 

[Anarchy]

Casey

Would it help if one of the American members contacted the consulate and got you a consular visit?

It might be as simple as forwarding a link to this thread to the consulate and getting a member of the staff to post on the thread here giving an email or a phone number for you to reply to giving your name and location.

There has to be some advantage to a United state passport...

You come across as being triggered to hell, but you are a tough one, we know that about you.