Hello - Father Beat Me & Military Service

[shari]

Hey, I am new to the forum and new to the healing. I have been in therapy for over a year now and the things that I leave out in therapy are HUGE gaping holes in my traumatic past but not the traumatic present.

Sometimes I wonder why I leave junk out, perhaps it is a toxic cocktail of shame, regret, horror, and avoidance. sometimes I feel it is self protective, I deal with the stuff I can, when I can. So.....while omitting things from therapy might be part of my process that has its own rythem, lying about what happened is different. Where are you in this spectrum?

 

[Auroch]

I've had a lot of bad experiences with therapists in the past. It's a defensive mechanism I am trying to leave behind - not part of the healing process. I lie to seem normal, because they have not believe me in the past. That was some of the worst trauma. When I showed them my scars and they didn't believe me. I really am trying to open up with the current one. She seems nice.

 

[Deleted member 1606]

I'm new here, too, but I'm pretty sure most people here can relate to those feellings you've had.

 

[Faith Hoffen]

Hang in there man! I can empathize with some of what you're going through and have been through. Usually I have the opposite problem though - exploding.

Faith

 

[satara]

Hi Erik
Thank you for sharing your experiences. I along with many of my veteran friends have said those very words 'either they can't handle the truth OR they won't believe me'. I instead of lieing became very good at distracting the counsellor by becoming their counsellor. I was blessed I met 2 REALLY good counsellors. It helped that they too were survivors. (smart cookies that walked the same path)
I am ever so grateful for those two counsellors for they understood my fears and they believed me.
Then the real healing began for me.

If it helps I believe you and if you feel safe here with the anonymity I'm will to listen/read.

Sounds like you are very lucky to have a wonderful wife. The cool thing I now can bring to my relationships going through this is that I know I am human and have weaknesses and as I watch my partner in his ptsd of Iraq or his grief and remorse over his mistake in our relationship I can be there for him now. So when things are better you may have that chance for her.

I hope this is not advice more a reflection of my experiences and a small light for the future.

Satara