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Hello From A Carer (warning: Contains Graphic Information)

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Shelley_S

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Hi everyone, my name is Shelley.

My partner has suffered from C-PTSD most of her life. An adopted child, she suffered multiple instances of extreme sexual, physical, and emotional abuse at the hands of multiple perpetrators from the age of 5-16. This included being physically and sexually abused by her paternal grandmother at the age of 5, violently raped with a stick at the age of 7 by a gang of neighborhood boys, and being sexually assaulted on an almost daily basis by a neighbor and his wife from the age of 8-14. At the age of 8 she was shown a graphic real-life video of two young children being violently raped and murdered, and told that she would share the same fate if she told anyone of the abuse.

For 6 years, she lived in constant fear of her life. To compound her fear, at the age of 14 her adoptive father arranged for her to visit a police station to be shown a series of graphic photographs depicting horribly mutilated, murdered young women and told she would end up the same way if she was not careful.

This abuse took place against a backdrop of continual physical abuse and emotional neglect by both of her adoptive parents. She was a pawn in their marriage, adopted after her mother discovered her father's infidelities and demanded another child as compensation, in addition to their four biological children, as long as the child was not fathered by him. She was, thereafter, a constant reminder of her father's failures as a husband, and he hated her passionately for it. A surgeon by profession, and a psychopath in his own right, he made a total of 5 serious attempts on her life, the first when she was 2 1/2 years old and continuing into her adult life.

At the age of 15 she was the victim of a violent rape, and fell pregnant as a result. She took care of herself during her pregnancy and planned to have the child adopted. Then one morning, late in her pregnancy, she awoke to find herself being forcibly injected with a powerful sedative by her adoptive father, and dragged to hospital where an illegal termination was performed. The foetus was 7 months old. She was so butchered in the process that she is now unable to have children.

She also suffers from Grave's Disease and has been clinically dead twice. Both times her father deliberately delayed emergency medical treatment that would have saved her life. By some miracle she is still here, though extremely traumatized by the events and with next to zero trust in the medical profession.

Recently, she entered into an EMDR treatment program, which has had the effect of re-connecting her emotionally with her traumatic memories, after a lifetime of dissociation and repressing. The illegal termination is the most current traumatic memory to surface, and for her, the most distressing. She is taking anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication to help her through the processing phase of treatment, and has both her GP and psychologist on stand-by to assist when her distress becomes overwhelming.

My concern is that, because much of her trauma is centered on the medical profession, and hospitals in particular, her options for treatment if she hits breaking-point are severely limited. Forced hospital admission would be extremely counter-productive in her case and there is no way on this earth she would ever agree to it or that I would ever force her. If anyone has any suggestions for me as a carer in helping her through this, I would love to hear your thoughts.
 
I'm sorry Shelly that I do not have any suggestions to offfer, however I would like to Welcome you to the forum. And, as there are many here, and so many helpful articles, threads and more to read through as well, you're sure to find much support, and suggestions. My Best to you and your partner.

Hope
 
Hello Hope,

Many thanks for your warm welcome to the forum. I have read through a number of the threads already and am so impressed by the scope of information available and how supportive everyone is here. I send my best wishes to you also.

Take care,
Shelley
 
Hi Shelley,
As a carer for your partner, thank you for helping support her through life's journey. You may be one of the few reasons she has to survive and keep trying to heal. Be sure to take care of yourself, too. God bless you both and your friends and supports. I will pray for your partner now, that the right set of circumstances will help you both with the best supports and healing options available. I sense that you already have learned about animals as something alive that she can trust and take some comfort in?? Is that right? Has she tried equine therapy or dolphins?

Much Love to you both,
Muse
 
Hello Muse,

Thank you so much for your kind words and prayers. It really does seem as though the universe is on her side these days, placing people in her path that are so supportive and healing for her. Your intuition regarding animals is spot on the dollar, they have been her lifeline for as long as she has memory. She is a natural healer and most of her working life has been devoted to fauna rescue & rehabilitation, keeping as pets those who could not be released back into their natural habitat. Her pet lorikeets are the only ones who can get her to laugh when she's having a bad day.

It's funny that you should mention dolphins, as I have been heavily involved in dolphin research (wild, not captive) for many years and they definitely play a big part in our lives. They have such a pure, loving energy, as do all animals. If only people could open themselves up to it, and learn from it, then maybe we would not see so much needless pain and suffering within our own species.

Take care,
Shelley
 
Sometimes listening to people's stories strikes me speechless, and this is one of those times. I'm glad she has you. I'm glad she can love animals. I'm glad you've found some ways to reach out and connect to people yourself & hope you find hope and comfort on this site. Welcome.
 
Hello Angel2write,

Many thanks for your kind words and warm welcome. How one person can endure so much and still retain her core values is beyond me. I just wish she would value herself more.
 
Welcome Shelley!

You are obviously a very caring person to have come here to help your partner. I hope that you find suggestions that help you both in the articles and in others posts. You will find many supportive, kind, and amazing people here. I have been here for a short time, and I believe that it has already helped greatly. My outlook and the support has helped me very much with my PTSD.

Nobody should be subjected to the kind of trauma that your partner was. She is truly blessed to have found someone to care for her like you do.

Welcome again!
Robin
 
Welcome to the forum Shelley. It's really great that you are here to learn and be a support. However I am concerned about you sharing such intimate details of her story. That could easily be seen as a betrayal as it is not your story to tell. I really hope you have discussed putting her details on here, with her beforehand. As you read and learn more about PTSD, you will find a main theme is a lack of trust, having complex trauma really highlights this.

If you have not spoken with her beforehand and gotten her permission to share her story in detail, there could be severe repercussions. If you have done so, please totally ignore this post. LOL.. I have no suggestions for worst case scenario currently. I am just concerned.

bec
 
Hi Robin,

Many thanks for your warm welcome. I'm so glad you have found the support you need here. I've coped with my partner's trauma by myself for nearly 2 years now and it's so nice to finally come across an online community as supportive and friendly as this one.

Take care,
Shelley
 
Hello Bec,

Thank you for your welcome and for sharing your concerns. Please rest assured that I discussed sharing my partner's story here with her beforehand, including to what level of detail she was comfortable with and whether she wanted her name disclosed or not. Having been a PTSD sufferer myself for many years I am painfully aware just how fragile trust can be. I would sooner eat glass than betray her in that manner.

All the best,
Shelley
 
Shelley,
So glad to hear about the animals and healing work with them going both ways, which is so wonderful to hear on so many levels. With her past trauma being severe as it is, she has opportunities to do healing work on a very deep level. Not that this is expected or a direct result, just part of her spiritual development potential and I believe she has already begun working out that potential here and will receive her rewards, now and in the beyond.

I have a friend who does massage and Cranio-Sacral (John Upledger Institute trained) and part of the FL training was swimming with dolphins; she did it twice. Her childhood trauma is quite similar to your partner's. She found the dolphin relationship to be very beneficial and a wonderful experience in many ways. The special dolphin that came right to her found her again the next time, though much time had passed, showing the relational aspect is very real and repeatable, as you will know having worked with animals. Their unique intelligence and personality is so obvious to many that it's weird eveyone doesn't immediately see it and believe that animals have soul/mind/spirit in many cases, just as we do, and sometimes, it seems, more abilities, I humbly admit.

I felt some blessing in the prayer for you both, and it was confirmed by your reply. Thank you for that. I am so sad to read the past and so blessed to read of the present. What a miracle life can be sometimes.

All the best,
Muse
 
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