Hello From Nat - Ex Boyfriend Is A War Veteran

[Nat]

Hi my name is Nat and I am from Florida. I am here to better understand ptsd and how it affects people. My exboyfriend is a war veteran and was so different when he got back from his last deployment. It has been a struggle to understand what he is going through and why he is pushing me away and no longer has any feelings for me. Thanks for your support!

 

[fin]

Welcome Nat,

There is so much in the way of information here, there are threads as you came in explaining so much about the different aspects of PTSD. Hope that in some way you will be able to better understand and find the answers you are looking for.

~

 

[ronsplace68]

Hi Nat

I am a Viet Nam vet who was the same way when I came home. I could not handle the stress of a relationship and pushed away most of the women who wanted a committed relationship. There can be many reasons why your ex pushed you away: being numb, angry, had sever guilt which causes self hate, or still lives the war in his head. My mother said all I talked about was how much I hated everything when I came home. I went to Viet Nam at 18 and came home an angry old man at 19. Except for a few close friends, I pushed most of my family and old high school friends away if they tried to get too close after I was discharged from the Army in 1970.

Hope this helps.

 

[Nat]

Thanks Fin and thanks Ronsplace for sharing your story. It is difficult to be cut out of his life after several years. I do understand how it is stressful for him, but it still hurts.

 

[nursesteff]

Hi Nat,

I'm dealing with the same thing from my ex but the difference is we met after his first deployment and he started shutting me out about 3 weeks before his 2nd deployment about 2months ago. He told me he had so much going on and he just needed time, he felt numb. He shut all his close friends out and started turning to "new friends", such as a much younger woman (17 years difference) who was also deploying. He denied it of course until I had physical proof and now has completely shut me and everyone of his friends out who caught him in this lie. I'm sure the embarrassment of all the lies and being confronted with it. He just isn't the man I knew just 2 short months ago.

He had never shut me out before so it was extremely hard for me as well. Especially since we were so completely in love with each other up until the night he woke me up at 4:30am to tell me he couldn't sleep and was feeling really stressed. He woke up the next morning and that was it.........complete shut out!! I believe it had to do with the upcoming deployment and also this girl. I believe he found comfort in her because they were both going to war. He would contact me here and there and wanted to see me before he left for his 3week predeployment training, this was before I knew about her. He contacted me during his predeployment training all the time, I think he was so miserable there he needed me because he couldn't talk to "her" while they were both training. Then when he returned I heard nothing.

I know the shut out is hard but just give him the space he is requesting and don't pressure him. Sorry this became longer than I planned but I just want you to know you are not alone!

 

[Nat]

Thank you for your response nursesteff. It feels good to know that I am not alone. My ex has also sought company with a new lady friend. I have been completely shut out, not a word in weeks!

Make sure you check out the carers section. There are a lot of combat veteran spouses/girlfriends/exs over there. It has given me a lot of comfort to see other people's stories and know that the pain we are experiencing DOES get better. I hope it helps you out as much as it is helping me!