Hello everyone. I thought that maybe I should introduce myself, since I am new.
My name is Abigail. I am 17 years old.
I was physically and emotionally abused by my mother ever since I could remember up until last year, when I finally escaped her house (I kinda had to runaway to my dad's. I had to leave the state with my dad and then come back and move in with him). I was relentlessly bullied in middle school. The bullying reduced slightly when I moved schools for high school. I have now transferred again for my last year of high school from a small private high school to an even smaller high school that allows me to take college classes.
When I was four years old, I started self harming. I still struggle with it now. I've had an eating disorder (anorexia) starting in fifth grade-ish but having the most adverse health effects hitting me freshman year of high school (grade 9). I still struggle with restrictive tendencies, but I have recovered a good deal from where I was. I have overdosed five times, but I am alive and okay from that. I have pretty severe anxiety and, what brought me to this forum, PTSD.
Now, I live with my dad. Because my mum has manipulated my dad, she sucks a lot of his money out. So him and I, together, live in a one-room basement apartment (he gave me the bedroom because he's very kind). I am a writer (poetry and songs), a previously top athlete (I have advanced osteoarthritis in my knee, so I'm hung up until I can find a sport that doesn't aggravate it), and animal lover. I am also a sibling, the youngest of a full sister, two half sisters, and two half brothers. My one half sister hates me for not being able to handle the "normal family tension because (our) mum."
I'm planning to go to university for biology or environmental science with some sort of theoretical physics thrown in there. I would love to work in field research with wild animals, doing something with animal behaviour and/or conservation.
I see a therapist for PTSD, but haven't gone in a while because I had two weeks out of the country to visit universities and then my dad just hasn't had the time to take me (I don't have my own car to drive myself). I am on medications, but so far I have not found one that has any real effect (though my med-doctor doesn't listen very well, so I hope to get a new one soon). I have intrusive thoughts, flashbacks and physical reactions to them, nightmares that I may or may not remember (and I don't know which I prefer), and a horrible memory that caused me to even question if I was making this all up in the first place. I still am very afraid that I am somehow lying about all of this... I know what happened, but I can't remember too many specific events. The events I do remember though, I doubt. I am very detached from people, uninterested in personal relations beyond friends (and even then, sometimes I don't even want friends), however I always want to help people, just as an outside person, you know? I just want people to be happy and love and be nice to themselves.
I came here because I am surrounded by people who don't fully believe you can have PTSD without having been in the armed forces. I came here because the thought of people who know what it's like to live with this condition every day would be a great comfort and source of information. I came here because I love offering support whenever I can.
I actually discovered this website because I was trying to see if developing a flinch or twitch with PTSD were normal (it doesn't seem triggered by a thought all the time, but more of an instinct that I would feel living with my mum... if that makes sense).
I hope you don't mind another addition to your forum :)
My name is Abigail. I am 17 years old.
I was physically and emotionally abused by my mother ever since I could remember up until last year, when I finally escaped her house (I kinda had to runaway to my dad's. I had to leave the state with my dad and then come back and move in with him). I was relentlessly bullied in middle school. The bullying reduced slightly when I moved schools for high school. I have now transferred again for my last year of high school from a small private high school to an even smaller high school that allows me to take college classes.
When I was four years old, I started self harming. I still struggle with it now. I've had an eating disorder (anorexia) starting in fifth grade-ish but having the most adverse health effects hitting me freshman year of high school (grade 9). I still struggle with restrictive tendencies, but I have recovered a good deal from where I was. I have overdosed five times, but I am alive and okay from that. I have pretty severe anxiety and, what brought me to this forum, PTSD.
Now, I live with my dad. Because my mum has manipulated my dad, she sucks a lot of his money out. So him and I, together, live in a one-room basement apartment (he gave me the bedroom because he's very kind). I am a writer (poetry and songs), a previously top athlete (I have advanced osteoarthritis in my knee, so I'm hung up until I can find a sport that doesn't aggravate it), and animal lover. I am also a sibling, the youngest of a full sister, two half sisters, and two half brothers. My one half sister hates me for not being able to handle the "normal family tension because (our) mum."
I'm planning to go to university for biology or environmental science with some sort of theoretical physics thrown in there. I would love to work in field research with wild animals, doing something with animal behaviour and/or conservation.
I see a therapist for PTSD, but haven't gone in a while because I had two weeks out of the country to visit universities and then my dad just hasn't had the time to take me (I don't have my own car to drive myself). I am on medications, but so far I have not found one that has any real effect (though my med-doctor doesn't listen very well, so I hope to get a new one soon). I have intrusive thoughts, flashbacks and physical reactions to them, nightmares that I may or may not remember (and I don't know which I prefer), and a horrible memory that caused me to even question if I was making this all up in the first place. I still am very afraid that I am somehow lying about all of this... I know what happened, but I can't remember too many specific events. The events I do remember though, I doubt. I am very detached from people, uninterested in personal relations beyond friends (and even then, sometimes I don't even want friends), however I always want to help people, just as an outside person, you know? I just want people to be happy and love and be nice to themselves.
I came here because I am surrounded by people who don't fully believe you can have PTSD without having been in the armed forces. I came here because the thought of people who know what it's like to live with this condition every day would be a great comfort and source of information. I came here because I love offering support whenever I can.
I actually discovered this website because I was trying to see if developing a flinch or twitch with PTSD were normal (it doesn't seem triggered by a thought all the time, but more of an instinct that I would feel living with my mum... if that makes sense).
I hope you don't mind another addition to your forum :)
